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So confused at ex boyfriends reaction, please answer honestly

(4 Posts)
Blanca123 Sun 24-May-20 07:56:20

So me and my child’s father broke up not too long after lockdown started (due to me constantly explaining I needed more attention from him and time, him never helping with our child or doing things as a family and him not helping with day to day chores and expecting me to tidy up after him while working part time and looking after our child the rest of the time) but remained in the same property with our child, while I prepare my new home for me to move into, we’ve been civil but we’ve both made it clear our relationship is over not a break, no grey area we are over.

So I have accepted everyone that’s ever added me to snapchat ( I didn’t ever use it before but now I don’t mind it) and has a few conversations with men on there every couple of days as I really have a full plate atm trying to move, arrange work men for the house, work and be a mum, these conversations were nothing sexual, romantic or inappropriate just general conversation as all of my friends are pre occupied and my ex hasn’t had a genuine conversation with me in months ( I’ve literally craved a conversation with anyone of ANY gender) He’s then gone through my phone got angry, called me every name under the sun and kicked me out (despite reading general messages like ‘I’m just planning to get some DIY done’ when I’ve been asked ‘what do you plan on doing with your day?’) for me I have no problem leaving my phone around A. He isn’t my boyfriend anymore so shouldn’t have any issue and B. There’s nothing in my phone I feel I need to hide, boyfriend or not the conversations were general and wouldn’t lead to anything as I really don’t want a relationship right now and bare in mind since we’ve broken up I can hear him talking to girls when he thinks I’m asleep and he’s even come into the house with females on loud speaker when he’s speaking to them... I’ve not said anything to him about these things as he isn’t my boyfriend so I therefore have no right. Am I cold or missing something? I genuinely don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong and him then kicking me out into a house that’s inhabitable with a 1 year old is disgusting behaviour, I just don’t get it.

OP’s posts: |
Grumpylockeddownwoman Sun 24-May-20 08:00:35

Kicking you out is unreasonable, going down your phone is unreasonable. But... messaging randoms when you’re in this situation sounds a bit off to me (as do his calls with women late at night).

pog100 Sun 24-May-20 08:25:48

What's the arrangement on where you live that he can kick you out? Don't you have a right to stay there? If it's clear you are split and he is chatting to women then his reaction to your Snapchat is pure misogyny, he feels he still owns you.
However, having said that, I'm not sure how bad your new place is but it is probably best to be separated from him. It will make all the legal and benefits stuff easier and he sounds like he wouldn't be much fun to be around at the moment and even dangerous?

bitofafunnyquestion Sun 24-May-20 08:46:30

Do you have somewhere safe to stay for the time being? If so, yes, it's the behaviour of an arsehole but probably better than dragging out living under the same roof as him.

His behaviour is not appropriate, looking at your phone and kicking you and your child out for speaking to people when he is doing the same. that's a volatile environment to be in. Might be worth speaking to Shelter or Womensaid if you need any help with accommodation or to check your rights.

Also, I know you're only speaking to men for the company but be wary of spending too much time or getting emotionally sucked into anything new too quickly online when everything is so recent and raw. If it's just conversation you're after, could there be any mixed sex chat forums to talk about hobbies, maybe music or TV programmes you like instead?

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