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How long did you wait for him to put a ring on it?

(133 Posts)
Redpepperdip Sat 23-May-20 17:14:25

So just curious how long did you wait for OH to put a ring on it?
A lot of family and friends always say to me ‘oh when you are you gonna get married?’
Simple truth is I don’t know.. I’ve been with him 5 years and we have a child together.
Is there a need for me to wonder where the ring is?
i don’t really think about it too much I just feel other people make me think I should be engaged or married by now.

Glitterb Sat 23-May-20 17:17:39

Have you discussed wanting to get married?

I guess everyone is different, for a lot of people getting married wouldn’t change anything so they don’t bother. Also money can be an issue!

Bramblebear92 Sat 23-May-20 17:18:10

Possibly never hmm A lot of people don't want to get married or feel the need. However, if you want to be married at some point you should probably have a discussion. I actually know quite a few people that have known each other 10+ years before getting married. Happily married now though.

Shoxfordian Sat 23-May-20 17:21:07

We got engaged after two years and married just before three.

Have you asked him if he wants to get married?

Bluntness100 Sat 23-May-20 17:21:27

Have you not had this conversation? If you wish to get married then discuss it with him. Why are you sitting waiting for him to propose.

Take the discussion and understand his views

For me we had been together three years when my husband proposed, and we got married two years later, at which point I was 25 and he was 28.

It’s irrelevant though, I wasn’t waiting for him to propose. In fact I was quite surprised when it happened as I’d not given it much thought. We had discussed it, but I wasn’t sitting thinking I wish he’d propose. If I was I’d have told him.

CatBatCat Sat 23-May-20 17:23:03

He asked me after 9 years but I wasn't waiting for it.

thedevilinablackdress Sat 23-May-20 17:24:34

Why are you being so passive? If you want to get married, tell him. That's what I did.

experimentnumber626 Sat 23-May-20 17:28:06

I didn't wait for him to 'put a ring on itv. We were together nearly six years before we got engaged, married just short of two years later. We had talked about marriage in depth, then went together to choose my ring, and I even helped to buy it ( I don't believe the whole 'sacrifice three months wages' lark). If you want to marry him, take the initiative and start the conversation. You don't have to wait for a man to take charge. Don't let friends guilt you into it though.

Pipandmum Sat 23-May-20 17:31:41

He asked at six weeks and got the ring a few months later after we told everyone.
Do you want to get married? If so, ask.

MarylandMayhem Sat 23-May-20 17:31:40

We discussed marriage 2 years after meeting and married 6 months after that. No proposal, just decided together.

Why wait for him to propose? It doesn't take sense, it's your life, you shouldn't be so passive.

lozziiee8993 Sat 23-May-20 17:33:10

8.5 years. But we we're really young when we got together. No kids, lived together coming up to 4 years. Married just before our 10 year anniversary.

Redpepperdip Sat 23-May-20 17:33:37

We have discussed it I’m not worried about that. I’m just wondering more so if it’s a thing to actually have an expectation as I never have but then on the other hand I guessed it would have happened by now so maybe I am being passive confused

saffy1234 Sat 23-May-20 17:34:38

Same as @Shoxfordian but I made it clear I wanted to get married,have you?x

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend Sat 23-May-20 17:36:31

I never understand these threads. If marriage is something you want you tell your partner, find out if they want it to then agree to do it and start planning when it will happen. I can’t believe so many women just sit around waiting for someone else to decide whether she will get married or not.

DianaT1969 Sat 23-May-20 17:41:35

Have you continued your career? Do you have savings and assets in your own name? If not, marriage provides some financial protection. I'm sure you've seen the same threads I have when partners split.

LotusFlowers Sat 23-May-20 17:42:14

I agree @ChandlerIsTheBestFriend it's just awful. What a world we must live in where all these women just are sitting waiting for someone to "put a ring on it". It's wrong on so many levels I can't even begin.

firstimemamma Sat 23-May-20 17:43:25

Engaged at 3 years. Felt right and perfect for us.

My friend waited 6 years and is happily married now. On the other end of the scale my SIL-to-be got engaged in less than 6 months and is happily married 6 years on!

happymummy12345 Sat 23-May-20 17:44:51

I first met my husband end of April 2014, we became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 204, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But we knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, so we made sure we were. It was perfect.
I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier.

Longdistance Sat 23-May-20 17:45:21

Well, when dh and I were dating about two weeks we were talking about destinations we’d like to go to. He said he’d like to go to Reykjavik. I mentioned that the booze was expensive to which he replied ‘we’ll have to save that for honeymoon then’. He proposed to me after a year together.

Depends if you want to get married really.

Redpepperdip Sat 23-May-20 17:46:18

@LotusFlowers the same world we live in when other women drag other women and try and make them feel pathetic for asking a simple question.

smile

Fucktacula Sat 23-May-20 17:48:05

My friend waited 18 years. They'd not discussed it previously. He decided the day before he was going to do it, so just ordered a ring and got on with it.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend Sat 23-May-20 17:48:15

But we knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born

But not before TTC? confused that was a really risky situation for you.

LivingThatLockdownLife Sat 23-May-20 17:48:34

You let him impregnate you but still haven't discussed marriage and don't feel able to bring it up. Honestly can't wrap my head around that one.

Flame away, seen this thread so many times I'm just done hmm

Dk20 Sat 23-May-20 17:48:39

I think everyone has their own opinion on this.
After 5 years we decided to have a child, after 10 years he proposed. Shortly after that we planned ds 2 who is now nearly 1.
We plan to get married late next year/early the following year, which will be nearly 15 years together.
Some others prioritise getting married before having children.
Theres no right or wrong way of doing things.

Ijustreallywantacat Sat 23-May-20 17:48:41

I proposed after about a year and a half. Wasn't about to wait around for it, or it might never have happened! grin

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