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(18 Posts)
Flyingfish2019 Sat 23-May-20 13:22:11

What would you have done?
Me: have been asked to ride out with a friend. Both of us have been isolating, both families closets have their food delivered, both husbands working from home, me and my friend are SAHMs, currently very few cases of coronavirus where we live.
DH: has ptsd and is very afraid of coronavirus, doesn‘t want me to ride out with her. Thinks it is too dangerous.

We have been discussing it, dh insists it is too dangerous though I promise I will keep a distance, I will not set a foot in her house and so on.

DH starts scratching himself till it bleeds, I ask him to stop. He says it’s non of my business. He tells me I should stop discussing with him if it bothers me.

Me: end up not riding out with my friend - think it would have been completely safe. How do you think: safe or unsafe? What would you have done?

tvsnack Sat 23-May-20 13:32:36

I would have gone. He sounds as he is mentally challanged and giving in dont help either of you .

TorkTorkBam Sat 23-May-20 13:36:12


You should have gone.

You have reinforced his anxiety by treating it as a veto.

Call your friend and rearrange. Tell DH at the absolute last moment then 100% refuse to discuss.

EvilPea Sat 23-May-20 13:49:18

Sounds safe to me.
I think we are in danger of making the outside world too scary.

His behaviour sounds worrying and controlling though. Even if it’s born out of being scared it’s not on to use that to manipulate you into not seeing a friend.

NoMoreDickheads Sat 23-May-20 13:52:36

What do you mean 'ride out?' If in a car then that's against the rules and you shouldn't do it as far as I'm aware.

If on a horse then ok. smile

His issues and him scratching himself is disturbing but it can't dictate your life.

When did he last speak to the GP/consultant? He could contact them and say how he's feeling- maybe they'll adjust/change his meds.

Justcallmebebes Sat 23-May-20 13:55:54

I'd have gone definitely. The risk is negligible to none. Your husband is manipulating you

Flyingfish2019 Sat 23-May-20 13:58:44

I was talking about horse-riding. Do you think there is a risk?

He didn’t discuss his fear of coronavirus with anybody because he is ashamed.

Boireannachlaidir Sat 23-May-20 14:05:35

I'd have gone. I think he's being unfair to you.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 23-May-20 14:06:12

Your husband is manipulating you, and he will continue to do so because his theatrics work. Don't fall for it and reschedule with your friend.

Bananalanacake Sat 23-May-20 14:11:02

Was he controlling of you going out before CV or is this a recent thing. I'd have gone myself and promised to keep the 2 metre distance.

Flyingfish2019 Sat 23-May-20 14:14:17

@Bananalanacake: No, he wasn’t controlling before. It just because of his fear of coronavirus and his fear of loosing a loved one I think.

Windyatthebeach Sat 23-May-20 14:16:53

My exh had anxiety issues about me leaving our home. Didn't stop him going to the pub or play golf...
His mh is his to deal with.
You can't 'pander' to it as you did.
Has he seen a GP?

LemonPudding Sat 23-May-20 14:18:13

Don't tell him till the last minute next time. Just go.

Flyingfish2019 Sat 23-May-20 14:21:24

He has seen a gp and a therapist because of his ptsd in the past but has not discussed his fear of coronavirus with them but has discussed other fears with them (has a lot of fears about his loved ones dying).

1forAll74 Sat 23-May-20 14:47:15

His fears may inadvertently mean that he fears you horse riding, and thinks it could be dangerous. But I would consider going out riding with your friend to be fine.

billy1966 Sat 23-May-20 15:34:24

He sounds extremely controlling OP.

Does he use self harming to control you?

It certainly sounds like he does.

Make a new arrangement, don't tell him and just go.

You need your friends being married to someone like that.

inlectorecumbit Sat 23-May-20 16:09:00

Just go

SunshineSmellsLikeSummer Sat 23-May-20 16:11:48

I'd go. His anxiety is his to manage and he can't manage it by controlling you.

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