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Back at it after twenty years..

(25 Posts)
satcagain Sat 23-May-20 10:40:14

I've met a lovely man on line but have subsequently realised that paths have crossed in the past .We're talking and video chatting daily for a couple of months but haven't met. We plan to meet as soon as restrictions are lifted . I'm worried though because I had been with my exh for 20 years and our love life was vanilla at best.
I'm a stone overweight and flabby from pregnancies.My confidence as a rule would be good but I feel nervous about the physical side of things.
Any advice please. Men's thoughts appreciated here too! Thank you.

Bathbedandbeyond Sat 23-May-20 10:48:04

I’m sure you look great OP, but if you’re worried, you’ve got a few more weeks of lockdown to eat well and lose the extra weight. It’s definitely achievable smile

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 10:50:24

Thanks@Bathbedandbeyond .
The thought of being naked in front of him is filling me with dread. I am
Really working on the weight issue anyway and get a walk in every day so I'll
Definitely keep that up.

TigerDater Sat 23-May-20 10:55:42

A stone is nothing OP! When the time comes, low lighting, music and a little wine really help to take the edge off. And nice underwear. Remember he'll have his own concerns about his appearance/performance. Just aim to be kind to each other

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 10:58:15

Ok thanks. Wine definitely sounds like a plan! He is quite open and vocal
And comfortable about sex and is very very into it and I get the impression that his imagination is vivid.
I'm not used to that but not uncomfortable with it.

misskiki69 Sat 23-May-20 10:58:15

I know how daunting it can be at the mere thought of getting naked with a new partner. My advice is to take your time, don't rush into the sexual side of things. Not that you can at the minute. The more you build up a bond and really get to know each other, the more comfortable you will feel about revealing all of you. Also, the likelihood is he won't even notice the extra weight you feel you have because he will want the whole package.

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 11:00:23

Ok thanks. I supposeI did wonder if my naked body would be a huge deal to him in that I am overweight and flabby.
He has seen photos of me with clothes on so he has a good idea of shape etc. It's just the naked thing blush

Crystalspider Sat 23-May-20 11:06:27

You have a normal womans body to be expected at your age and think if he was talking to another woman or his ex, she is probably unlikley to be perfect either, it's your whole package body and mind that is attractive to him, if you've been talking for a couple of months then he must be interested in you as a person not just a body.
When you really find someone attractive, you don't see the few extra pounds.

R2519 Sat 23-May-20 11:16:16

I prefer my wife's post baby body to her pre baby body. Everyone is different but contrary to popular belief most people can work out what a person looks like naked even when they are wearing clothes. What I mean is you can usually tell if a person is thin or curvy etc. And I would assume you wouldn't be looking to take things further if you didn't like their shape so to speak.

I completely understand why you are nervous but I wouldnt be OP. This chap clearly likes you and your shape so go and have fun. Besides a stone overweight is nothing tbh!

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 12:01:46

Thanks you for the reassurance.
The issue is all mine I think.

Battysace123 Sat 23-May-20 12:08:55

Intermittent fasting is fantastic and you can lose weight very quickly. You need to go calorie deficit but make sure you drink plenty of water

Vretz Sat 23-May-20 12:10:44

You gave birth, your 'flab' from pregnancies is more attractive as it's a hallmark of the greatest sacrifice - childbirth. How is it not attractive to be with a woman that would make that sacrifice...?
I am a man.

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 15:09:13

Thank you!

hydroxychloroquinegate Sat 23-May-20 15:29:53

comfortable about sex and is very very into it

Do you feel a bit of pressure OP? It sounds like things have got a bit carried away. Just because you've been talking for a while doesn't mean you're at the going to bed stage. Take your time, please. Or it'll end in tears.

TwentyViginti Sat 23-May-20 15:48:37

OP please be careful. Is sex the main topic of his conversation? It shouldn't even be on the conversation agenda - you haven't met up yet. It sounds as though he wants your first date to be in bed!

If you're just after a hook up, fine, but if you want a relationship, please think carefully about this man who dominates the chats with sex.

Gobbycop Sat 23-May-20 16:20:46

I'm a guy, honestly we're pretty visual creatures and women's bodies that have wobbly bits, battle scars and cellulite ect are still a massive turn on.
Only assholes mention things that might knock confidence.

If you're a little nervous pop into some nice undies that I'm sure he'll enjoy unwrapping you from 🙂

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 16:35:05

If anything it is me who is more looking forward to sex !
Great suggestions and advice . Appreciated .

TheStuffedPenguin Sat 23-May-20 16:50:15

How did you know him 20 years ago?

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 17:02:08


Legallybleachblonde Sat 23-May-20 17:19:34

I'm excited for you, OP and know that feeling. It is bound to be a little nerve-wracking 'first time'. A little wine helps and deffo to new matching undies!

TheStuffedPenguin Sat 23-May-20 17:21:21

He won't be worried about anything you are worried about. I'm sure he's not the same as he was 20 years ago .

Numnumbirdy Sat 23-May-20 17:27:35

You’ll be fine, if he’s still into you 20 years on he really fancies you. When the time comes you won’t worry about a wobble or two.

BecomingMe Sat 23-May-20 17:29:37

Do you actually know him?

Curious200 Sat 23-May-20 17:31:36

Has a man ever looked at a woman and said get out when she's standing naked in front of him? No way, because he's the happiest man alive he has a naked women in front of him! I wouldn't worry, men don't see our flaws like we see them.

satcagain Sat 23-May-20 17:46:04

I briefly engaged with him through work years ago . We were at a number of meeting s together and exchanged pleasantries and polite chat so I didn't know him per se but have been talking/ video chatting for last number of months.

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