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My boyfriend’s best friend

(28 Posts)
Mariehelene Sat 23-May-20 08:54:38

Hello everyone

First of all I’m not an English native speaker so I’m sorry if I make mistakes. I’m in a relationship for almost 1 year, I’m 20 and he’s 23. Everything's fine between us but I'd like to hear a second opinion about his best friend. I will call his best friend Hugo to make the story easier to explain. From the beginning I get along with Hugo, he and my boyfriend are often together so in the beginning of our relationship the three of us often went out for a drink or dinner. We were always having fun together so I don’t got any problem by being in his company. I noticed Hugo started to feel more comfortable with me while when i was just together with my boyfriend he was a bit shy. One time my boyfriend was upset, a friend of him said Hugo looks in love when he’s talking to me and he talks often about me. I pretended to be surprised, there happened some suspicious things before and i actually had this feeling from the first day i met Hugo, I always felt a type of chemistry between us, I noticed his body language, how he talks to me but my feeling could be wrong. I didn’t want to embarrass myself and make my boyfriend upset for no reason. Months went by, i took some distance from Hugo, we didn’t text and see eachother often. Nothing special happened until some weeks ago. Hugo started texting me about some problems in his life, I listened to him and we talked about it the whole evening. When i woke up the next morning i got a deleted message from him, i asked him what he texted me. I wish I could post screenshots of our chat but i have no idea how. So short story about the conversation he told me he was afraid and shy to tell me but he’s in love with me, he has a crush on me since the first time he saw me, he doesnt know what to do with it and asked me for advice, he’s confused bcs im the girlfriend of his best friend and doesn’t know how to handle this, he asked me if it will change something… So i tried to convince him to talk about it with my boyfriend, he told me he will never tell him and asked me not to tell him. I called my boyfriend and told him he has to talk to Hugo bcs something happened. He met Hugo in the evening and after their conversation I received a message from Hugo “I was messing with you the whole time”. He told my boyfriend he was kidding me bcs he was bored and forgot to text me it was a joke… Anyway my boyfriend didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks but in the meantime they are friends again. My boyfriend believes he was joking or actually i think he wants to believe it cuz they are already best friends for more than 7 years and doesn’t want to end this friendship. It keeps running through my mind. Was this a joke or not? What do y’all think about this? Can someone give me advice please?

Kind regards

OP’s posts: |
RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder Sat 23-May-20 08:59:19

No it’s wasn’t a joke he was hoping you would feel the same and fall into his arms.

Do you actually like the friend? Would you prefer to be with him? Is that what this is about?

If you care about your boyfriend distance yourself from the friend - no more one-to-one meaningful conversations.

I suspect this won’t end well.

Besom Sat 23-May-20 09:02:52

That was my question too - are you attracted to him?

Spillinteas Sat 23-May-20 09:03:32

No it wasn’t a joke. And tbh I’d end things with your boyfriend because he didn’t take you seriously. Hugo told you he less in love with you because

A) he wanted to test if you were loyal to your boyfriend ( I’ve had this happen)

B) wanted to to cheat or leave your boyfriend. (Most Likely)

If you were my daughter I’d be really concerned about your safety around this man. These kind of men don’t switch there attention of like that. I’m pretty sure his feelings toward you will quickly turn negative. You told on him and your boyfriend believed him over you. He will remember that.

Plus he actually owes you an apology.

Fizzysours Sat 23-May-20 09:04:18

This is not your fault. You have done the right thing. But now block this friend from your phone because yes he is in love with you. He will get over it, but it will upset your boyfriend horribly if he feels his best friend is talking to you privately. Men often do this but they do wake up and get over their crushes so in years to come the three of you could be fine. Allow the best friend to claim it was a joke...he is humiliated and embarrassed but not necessarily a bad person. Don't discuss it with him...just leave this, you have totally handled it the right way. Xx

Fizzysours Sat 23-May-20 09:05:22

I do NOT think either man is in any way a bad person!! Not everyone is abusive!!!!!

Giganticshark Sat 23-May-20 09:09:36

Aww, I wouldn't want to come between two long term friends. Hugo sounds childish. Are you young?
Either block him or break up with your boyfriend.

Limpetlike Sat 23-May-20 09:13:17

I’d ditch the pair of them. ‘Hugo’ should have kept his mouth shut about his feelings, and your boyfriend sounds incredibly childish for a 23 year old.

Also, why did you force lovelorn ‘Hugo‘s hand by telling your idiot boyfriend Hugo had something to tell him?

Morgan12 Sat 23-May-20 09:18:07

No way was it a joke.

Do you feel anything for Hugo?

Mariehelene Sat 23-May-20 09:43:53

I feel a psychical attraction between us, a tension. But I don't see the same potential in him as I see in my boyfriend for a long-term relationship. I feel very confused about my feelings.

OP’s posts: |
Sugartitss Sat 23-May-20 09:50:53

Grow up, you have a boyfriend.

A decent girlfriend would tell him to fuck off.

Ughmaybenot Sat 23-May-20 09:54:02

Of course it wasn’t a joke, Hugo is just embarrassed because you threw him under the bus. He was hoping you’d at least keep it quiet. Best case, he wanted you to say you felt the same and happy days.
In all honesty, I think you’ve been playing up to this a bit, you knew there’s chemistry between you and you had your suspicions he liked you and you still text him etc. Either block Hugo and take a massive step back or break up with your boyfriend.

PositiveVibez Sat 23-May-20 09:56:20

I'd get rid of both of them. Your boyfriend sounds like a divvy and Hugo sounds like a knob too.

RantyAnty Sat 23-May-20 21:41:13

Hugo isn't anyone's friend. He's a sneak.

Thelnebriati Sat 23-May-20 23:11:14

I agree with Spillinteas; if you were my friend I would be concerned about you now.

NoMoreDickheads Sat 23-May-20 23:31:16

I think Hugo was telling you the truth, but he wasn't expecting you to go and tell your boyfriend that. And of course he wasn't going to tell his best friend he was in love with his girlfriend. Why would he? confused

bindibindi Sat 23-May-20 23:47:32

Hugo wasn't lying but you are both being extremely unfair to your boyfriend. You feel a physical attraction and being closer to him behind your boyfriends back, and he's just betrayed his best friend of 7years.

Imagine you was your boyfriend, and having your girlfriend and best friend, 2 of the closest people in your life playing behind your back(?)

SionnachGlic Sun 24-May-20 00:58:19

You shd make it clear to Hugo that you sre staying with bf (if that is what you decide) & that you are no longer comfortable having text or private chats with him as either i) he does not respect your bf & your relationship or ii) he tried to make a fool of you with his 'joke' which a friend would not do. So you will be deleting his number.
No need to block unless he becomes annoying.

On the other hand, if you are confused to the point of not wanting to be with your bf, then end it & be on your own until you are less confused. Of course, you need to be prepared that your bf may move on & not look back. But you should not consider or imagine being with his friend when you are still with him. Be honest & act acvordingly or this won't end well...

SionnachGlic Sun 24-May-20 00:59:47

By the way, from what you have said...I don't think Hugo was joking... he is lying to save face with his friend

Rgjt Sun 24-May-20 02:25:02

I don't think he was joking at all, but I also don't think you should have private conversations with him any more as it is not fair to your bf, unless there is mutual feelings between you and hugo then it is only fair that your bf be told the truth.

cantarina Sun 24-May-20 09:23:13

Keep an eye on Hugo, don't be friendly. There are only two options, either it wasn't a joke and he does like you or he was trying to make trouble about you with your boyfriend. I think it's the former. Either way, he's no friend to either of you and it's unlikely you will get your boyfriend to see that at it seems he's easily taken in.

This might be round 1, so be ready for round 2.

GilbertMarkham Sun 24-May-20 09:31:48

It's wasnt a joke, that was a (silly) cover up by Hugo.

Your boyfriend is either naive (to really believe that) or unassertive/weak.

If he realises that his friend was coming onto you (which he should if he's not very naive or deluding himself).. he should at the very least have given him a strong warning, at the most distanced himself from or ended the friendship.

I would have absolutely nothing to do with Hugo other than what you're forced to through your bf, and also keeping in.mknd that your bf is naive/not assertive/values his friendships too highly.

backseatcookers Sun 24-May-20 09:36:41

It's wasnt a joke, that was a (silly) cover up by Hugo.

Your boyfriend is either naive (to really believe that) or unassertive/weak.

This!

And I'd add he is more invested in his friendship with Hugo than his relationship with you, because he would rather agree to this ridiculous narrative knowing it's uncomfortable for you and untrue than confront and potentially fall out with Hugo.

He's clearly not willing to lose his friendship with Hugo over this so I think that means he's willing to lose you.

And from what you said about chemistry / you feeling confused, you're not all in with your boyfriend either.

So break up!

No need for a big drama, it didn't work out and you don't need to stay in touch with either of them and make it a complicated dramatic thing.

Together less than a year, young, intelligent and clearly attractive... do you need this shit? No! If you do need / want this shit in your life that means you crave drama rather than reality. Which won't make you happy!

Reduce this down story to what it should be:

Two nice young people went out for a year but it didn't work out so they broke up.

That's literally it! If you break up. Which I think you should.

Isthisnothing Sun 24-May-20 09:51:15

Of course it wasn't a joke. Your boyfriend knows it wasn't either but if he doesn't accept this ridiculous explanation it will put his friendship in jeopardy.

Just avoid Hugo from now on completely. No cosy threesomes, definitely no private texting.

MaryHadALittleHam Sun 24-May-20 10:22:11

Hugo is a twat
Do not reply to anything he sends
Avoid him if you can
He tried to make you look silly and lied to his friend

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