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Should I go or overreacting?

(16 Posts)
Rosebel Fri 22-May-20 20:09:08

How did you know it was the right time to leave? I feel I can't leave now as I'm pregnant and anyway with Covid I have nowhere to go.
I'm sick of everything being my fault, sick of my lazy family and generally spend all my time feeling like shit. Some times my husband is lovely but at other times he's horrible. Had a row tonight because I refused to cook (there is stuff in the freezer) as I don't feel well.
He made me cry but didn't care so I've gone to bed and left him to it. No point talking about it because it will just be my fault.
Trapped but nowhere to go. Depressed tonight. Yet a big part of me thinks I'm overreacting. I know how he sees our roles. I shouldn't be surprised. Wish I'd just done the cooking now😞

nolovelost Fri 22-May-20 20:16:37

That's not nice. Do you have parents around? X

HollowTalk Fri 22-May-20 20:19:18

Who is it exactly who's pissing you off, apart from your husband?

Rosebel Fri 22-May-20 20:19:53

I do but they are in their late 70s so not ideal especially as I'd want to take my older children with me if I left.

Rosebel Fri 22-May-20 20:26:21

Well it's mainly my husband but my children are older enough to help out but they don't and when I ask they make a huge deal out of it.
When I started working I put up a rota so everyone could help. Children helped for a week and my husband never did. Pregnancy wasn't planned at all although I do want this baby but I've realised I'll basically be a single parent. Every time I ask for help kids moan and my husband said I shouldn't ask them to help as it's not their fault I'm pregnant.

Crystalspider Fri 22-May-20 20:35:25

I know it must be very hard but I don't think now is the right time to leave, I think alot of people are the same when together all the time.
I feel a bit of a hypocrite as I sent my bf away, however we weren't married or had kids together.
I think suggest certain days that you cook on and days for him to cook, take turns on other duties who puts the kids to bed etc
and don't spend too much time in the same room together.
I hope it gets better for you

category12 Fri 22-May-20 20:36:13

And he doesn't help you because ... ? He can't say it's not his fault you're pregnant hmm.

HollowTalk Fri 22-May-20 20:41:27

Family meeting. Lay it on the line. Tell them that the way they are behaving, you want to leave home. Tell them you are really unhappy. Tell them they are selfish and lazy and you are being made to do all the work even though you're pregnant and not well. That if they carry on like this then as soon as you can, you'll leave. It's their choice.

Then leave the room and see what happens.

category12 Fri 22-May-20 20:47:57

I think terrifying dc that you might abandon them is suboptimal.

Her dh is the problem - if he pulled his weight and supported her getting the kids to help, she wouldn't be in this situation.

pumpkinpie01 Fri 22-May-20 20:48:31

How old are your dc ? I found when I was pregnant my ds16 seemed totally oblivious to the fact, very annoying. Did you and your dh get on better before you were pregnant and covid?

HollowTalk Fri 22-May-20 20:55:04

@category12 Yeah, you're probably right! Stick it to the husband instead.

Rosebel Fri 22-May-20 21:46:45

My children are 13 and 11. I won't threaten them with leaving as I think that would be cruel and they probably know I wouldn't do that anyway. I think things are worse(although they weren't brilliant before) since we've all been stuck together for 10 weeks and we're probably getting on each others nervea.
I know I'm party to blame for my husband being lazy. I became a SAHM not long after we moved in together and because he was working I just did everything. I also think he expects me to do everything at home and work because his mum did. Have told him I'm not his mum but this usually just leads to him getting angry.
Thing is he knows if I say I'm leaving it won't happen as I have nowhere to go

Bananalanacake Fri 22-May-20 22:07:52

How old are your older DC. They should be helping out around the house, if over 14 or 15 they should be cooking meals once or twice a week. Your dp needs to back you up.

HollowTalk Fri 22-May-20 22:54:09

I thought they were older, sorry.

Rosebel Sat 23-May-20 09:01:17

I'm sure my husband and his siblings never helped out at home whereas me and my siblings always did (and still do).. I don't expect loads from my children just a bit of washing up, feeding the cats and sorting the washing (they do usually feed the cats) but it's like pulling teeth. Recently I asked everyone to make their own lunch, so now half the time no-one eats and then I feel guilty so end up make t it.
I was just so upset last night as my husband really hurt me but I know he won't see it like that. It'll be my fault for refusing to cook. I can never win.

category12 Sat 23-May-20 12:13:00

Does your dh treat you well in other ways? Do you feel loved and respected? Does he make you feel good about yourself?

Do you have daughters? Do you want them to grow up to skivvy for their partners? Do you want your sons to treat women like you're treated?

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