Opinion Please

[BravoCharlie]

A while ago I needed to find an old photo on my DPs phone - work phone with lock so just asked if I could borrow it. When looking for it I noticed a screenshot of a hotel room booking just showing the room details (adult 2 occupants) and the price. It was from someone else because it was a different service provider. For a second I thought it was weird but then ignored it. DP travels with work a fair amount, the reason why I thought it was weird is that its not a chain of hotels used by the company and we hadnt been in a hotel for a long time. Why would someone else send a screenshot of a hotel booking that just showed the price (the pre checkout screen bit)

Fast forward a few months and I was using my DPs work computer - when trying to find the external mouse in the work bag, i came across a piece of paper with a valentines note on it. It was the classic rhyme with some words changed - it was clearly from a work colleague.

Its been nagging at the back of my mind - but I have no other reason to be suspicious. Aside from the other day I borrowed the phone again and saw that image had now been deleted.

Just interested to hear thoughts - i don't need to hear that there are trust issues! Im pretty sure its all innocent, and I would never bring it up at the risk of being wrong. But I guess it nags a bit and maybe I need to just get over it.

[MizMoonshine]

It doesn't sound innocent.
I'd get hold of his personal phone and have a proper look.

[BadgersAreReal]

I just wanted to say that the hotel bookings for business travel through my work always say 2 occupants so that could well be innocent.
Is it possible someone was double checking the price/room type with him before booking in his behalf, hence the screenshot?
The valentines note would make me uneasy though. Have you asked about it?

[BravoCharlie]

I haven't asked about the note no. It could just be an innocent almost school like thing.. I guess the thing that nags me is why keep it in your bag then.

They book all their own hotels - i think thats a non starter as its not a chain of hotels the company would every use. Also it was months ago, so why feel the need to then go and delete the image from say half a year ago.

[BravoCharlie]

Oh and work phone is same as personal phone

[BumbleBeee69]

trust your instincts OP.... always

[FFSFFSFFS]

I cannot imagine a scenario in which a valentines day note would be given to a colleague in an acceptable non-dodgy way.

[Bluntness100]

It certainly doesn’t look innocent, but I guess you have your reasons for believing it is.

[BravoCharlie]

Trust your instincts This is my problem - not something I am good at. BTW I wasnt clear, I'm male and DP is female. Other than these two things there is nothing else to suggest anything dodgy. She does work long hours - but has for a good few years now.

If I present her with the fact that I have found it, she could find loads of reasons to explain why it was there. I worry that would drive an irreversible wedge between us.

[SomeoneElseEntirelyNow]

What did the note say, exactly?

[BravoCharlie]

Roses are red, violets are blue, i'll update your config workbook, but only for you..

?

Its nothing right - could be a silly joke from a colleague

[2007Millie]

I honestly do believe that if your gut instinct has driven you to Mumsnet to question this, then I think you know the answer already.

The deleting of the picture seems the most peculiar to me.

I would keep a close eye for the next few weeks.

[FFSFFSFFS]

Well....a colleague who hasn't had sexual harassment training...

It is plausible that she's kept it "as evidence" because its inappropriate.

Could be a harmless work flirtation - which really isn't a big deal.

Or it could be something major.

I don't think there's enough to really tell. I don't think you can know without raising it and seeing the response

[BravoCharlie]

Thanks all. Obviously lockdown has changed things a lot - its been nice because we've been finishing work at 5pm every day. It will be interesting to see if when we go back into the office it turns back to the more normal 7-8pm.

The reason I came here is that a while back I decided to get counselling as our relationship has been pretty sexless for a while now. I'm struggling with some issues which I am working though on my own. Because its not like one of us is trying and the other is rejecting, I asked the counsellor why my wife is disengaged. She said there could be many reasons but one might be that she's other interests. Made me think

[Azadewow]

I think the fact she hasn't mentioned the note to you speaks volumes. Of it was just an innocent joke from a colleague surely she would have mentioned it along the lines of, oh babe Mike from It send me this funny note today, might be a bit of an inside joke related to the office but everyone at work found it hilarious!
Or Mike from IT send me this note and I am not sure if he has a thing for me, maybe I should talk to HR

Also deleted picture.. Any other pics deleted from the phone that u can tell? It could be an innocent clearing out of phone gallery, I think we all do that from time to time to get rid of useless pics! However, if that's the only pic missing definitely very suspicious

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

Does your partner's phone have a "recently accessed/viewed" section in the photo gallery or file manager?

[BravoCharlie]

RE Deleted picture - so there were actually two pictures, one was of the room itself and then one of the booking page / cost. When I looked back months later, the image of the room was still there but the booking screenshot wasnt.

The fact it hasn't been mentioned - our relationship over the years has been not immensely close - we're both relatively independent and at times probably dont tell the OH everything.

[BravoCharlie]

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation Not sure - because its a work phone its permanently locked so I would have to find a reason to say why I want to use it.

[BumbleBeee69]

Makes no difference OP.. male/female.. instincts are instincts...

[PorridgeStoat]

Honestly, setting the content of that note I do think it's plausible that it's all innocent. Might not be of course, but it's plausible.

In think you have to bring it up, really. You weren't doing anything wrong either time you found stuff, so no reason not to.

[BravoCharlie]

I guess I've always thought that if I bring it up then there will be an excuse made - its easy to say oh it was a girlfriend at work (the writing doesn't look manly..if thats ever a thing!).

I did wonder if when asked, once I had the name then it would be easy for me to message the person who I am told it was from and ask why they are leaving notes for a married woman. If they say I have no idea what you are talking about then I know somethings afoot.

[Greenkit]

If this was the other was round, people would be asking you to check the phone when she isn't around.

See if there is anything else on there or in deleted items folder!

[NoMoreDickheads]

What did the Valentine's note say? Unless it was somehow humorous, I don't see how that can be innocent.

[BravoCharlie]

@NoMoreDickheads written in message at 15:21.

[LittleWing80]

Do you remember her spending the night away for work around the time of the booking? If so and you’re convinced this is not a hotel her company would have booked, then you know she lied? If not where did you think she slept that night? You would have noticed if she weren’t home?

[Cherrypies]

As it is a work phone, is your partner a manager, maybe it was sent by a colleague who needed her permission to book it, or as a receipt for expenses.
The valentines, sounds like a joke to me.