How to get over someone?

[CactiCouldCry]

Am needing some MN wisdom, please. In need of your top tips on how to get someone off your mind, even when you really really like them, for my own emotional well-being.

Thank you.

[Anniethehalforphan]

I was in your shoes a few months ago. What helped me was;
Find something you love to do and keep busy
Get under someone else
Look at ugly pictures of them when you think of them

[CactiCouldCry]

Thanks Annie. I'll try all of that. Here's hoping.

[Opentooffers]

I did C25K, lost weight, and got noticed on nights out with friends - not that I was big to begin with, just got more trim and felt good about myself 👍

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Keep busy- easy said than done atm- start a new regime/ diet/ exercise/ studying/ reading- anything.
Delete all social media/ all routes that could have you stalking- and delete their number.

[TheMotherofAllDilemmas]

Law of attraction, what you resist persist.

I found not forcing myself to forget him or fighting the feelings I felt, helped me spring out of it much faster than on other less painfull breakups. I just thought “I’m going to love him until I forget about him”

But the key thing is to write all the stuff that was nasty about him, everything that annoyed you and made you feel unappreciated so you can go back to that list to remember how he was and what a bad time you had when you start idealising him, because believe me, if you concentrate only on the positives you will never ever stop missing that idealised versión of him.

[Ohnoherewego62]

Would you like to talk about it?

Absolutely to the keeping busy and being totally neutral towards them if you have regular face to face contact (covid aside). Don't have to be rude but just very guarded with how you come across to them: not being over friendly etc

If you have social media or contact via your phone, then limit conversation to nessecity.

Think of the things you don't like about them.

[CactiCouldCry]

Thanks @Opentooffers I've been working on my 'look' for last couple of years and have for the most part been feeling good about myself, though there is always room for improvement. Wish is was bigger in the cleavage department for instance...

@OnlyfoolsnMothers Yes, keeping busy is key, I guess. Deleting off social media isn't quite as easy...guilty of doing that and will try my best not to have anymore sneaky peeks.

[CactiCouldCry]

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas and @Ohnoherewego62 Thanks. Must have cross posted with you - yeah, not forcing myself to forget might help. Reverse psychology in action. Will keep as busy as possible and maybe write a list. Though list writing feels a bit mean when I'm not perfect either.

[TheMotherofAllDilemmas]

It is not that you are going to be sharing the list, that list is to remind you he was not perfect. Many people idealise their exes and trying to rebuild a life on the idea that best man who could have ever be too your side is gone it is likely to end in failure. I have a friend who idealised her ex for 12 years, nobody could live up to the memory she had from her ex... because someway she had forgotten he was neglectful and prone to cheating. The only thing she remembered was how handsome and popular he was.

[Mnthrowaway20202]

I had a “thing” with this guy, but I sacked him off. He was nice enough but I just wasn’t into him. Something didn’t sit right. He was devastated as he really wanted us to get into a relationship.

A few weeks later, he got into a full blown relationship with someone that he just met and posted lots on social media about them.

Then a few weeks later, lockdown happened, so whilst normally I’d be out & socialising with others and wouldn’t have thought twice about him, I was left to dwell on my thoughts. Did I throw something great away etc as he comes across great on Facebook

I ended up having a massive stalk on all of his socials, and frankly just confirmed my initial suspicions about him! I’m definitely “over” him now. Drug use, cringe photos, bit of a loser etc - we were such a mismatch and I’m glad I ended it!