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Is this unfair?

(8 Posts)
Seaside1234 Thu 21-May-20 18:47:39

I’m on the verge of telling husband of 13 years that I think we should separate - hopefully tonight. I know he’s under a lot of financial pressure just now, because he tells me every time he wants to get out of any conversation he doesn’t want to have. It’s CV related, but financial problems are not new - he’s always lived beyond his means, he told me in Feb that he had significant debt but wouldn’t tell me any more about it or talk about money at all, I’ve been financially supporting him for over a year without having agreed to do so (he now owes 10 months of his share of mortgage and bills). Divorce will result in an unfairly reasonable settlement for him, I’m pretty sure, which will hopefully make the prospect more palatable. (Background - he had an affair 3 years ago, I stayed because I thought things would get better, they’ve gone back to how they were, I’m done.)

Am I being unreasonable to tell him I want out now? I’m sure it will be flung back at me how unfair and thoughtless my timing is. I have a very secure professional job, so I’m not feeling financial pressure right now other than what he owes me.

OP’s posts: |
Itsallgonewoowoo Thu 21-May-20 19:11:28

I think if you're subbing him and he won't tell you his debt level that's unfair.
As for the affair, you've given it a chance but it's not worked so on both scores I'd go, head held high. There is never a good time, especially for someone like him.

TorkTorkBam Thu 21-May-20 19:13:45

No don't tell him tonight.

Tell the solicitor tomorrow.

Tell him when your ducks are fully lined up and the divorce papers are in your hand.

Seaside1234 Thu 21-May-20 19:43:58

I’ve already talked to a solicitor, who says the next move is to get him to move out

OP’s posts: |
TorkTorkBam Thu 21-May-20 20:26:04

How will you do that?

Seaside1234 Thu 21-May-20 20:59:18

I’m just trying to get up the courage to tell him where my mind’s going tbh. I just want to put one foot in front of the other and not look any further ahead

OP’s posts: |
BacklashStarts Thu 21-May-20 21:04:53

Good luck Op but you can be separated under the same roof can’t you? (I don’t really understand why lawyers say to tell people to move out when it’s their home too - how do you have a leg to stand on?)

begoniapot Thu 21-May-20 21:16:31

If he has somewhere to go, tell him now

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