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If you're ok with porn....can you please not be

(239 Posts)
yesterdaystotalsteps123 Thu 21-May-20 08:55:54

So many people reply to messages on here about porn with"I'm ok with porn" can you please look at Rose Kalemba's fight to get her rape and torture removed from PornHub. This is what modern porn is. Stop being ok with it. And it's been going on for years because Traci Lords was underage back in the 70s/80s. Someone's right to masturbate shouldn't come before human trafficking and some people on here are part of the problem with their"porn is ok" stance. It's time to realise that unfortunately it's really not ok

bluestarsatnightfall Thu 21-May-20 08:58:15

Oh ffs not every porn video is rape! And yes I am ok with porn as I watch it too!!

Peapod29 Thu 21-May-20 09:00:48

It’s funny, I was just thinking about this case a few minutes ago. I was reading about how the bbc had ordered pornhub to remove a montage of sex scenes from ‘normal people’ that someone had uploaded. The bbc cited that it was disrespectful to the actors. Funnily enough pornhub immediately did as they were told.

Shoxfordian Thu 21-May-20 09:03:48

I read about her case too. You're making a sweeping statement though as it's possible to find ethical porn sites so not all porn is pornhub which definitely seems to be not responding to cases like this properly.

ItsMsActually Thu 21-May-20 09:05:37

Yep, no one should be so ignorant about the harm of porn in this day and age. I'm sick of people being willfully ignorant jusf to serve their immediate needs and desires. It's pathetic.

walkingchuckydoll Thu 21-May-20 09:11:14

OP, I absolutely believe that unethical porn should be a crime, but ethical porn is fine. There are people who are fine with doing the work, or porn stars who make their own videos and choose their own partners. One used to make her own porn videos with her own husband in her own house and produced and released it herself. Surely you can't find fault with that.

ItsMsActually Thu 21-May-20 09:13:07

walkingchuckydoll

What you're promoting is 'choice feminism' and does nothing to help the wider issues surrounding porn, trafficking, men's ideas of sex and women. Seriously people COME ON!!

NekoShiro Thu 21-May-20 09:13:28

Porn isn't going to just go away, people arnt going to stop watching it, selling sex is 'the oldest job in the world' and we started drawing it in books as soon as we could and did the same with filming it, every new technology gets used to make new sex, 3D and animated porn is happening a lot now, vr porn with 3D models of girls are all over steam.

We need to make a move to watch ethical porn made within legal guidelines, not websites that let you upload anything from anyone. There was an article about a porn company ran by women for women where you could choose what 'intensity' of porn you wanted to watch with disclaimers and warnings before anything that might be upsetting. If we had checks in place to know where the actors come from and the fact that they are choosing to do this then porn would be a lot better, but instead the givernment just bans certain sex acts on film and says thats good enough. Female squirting, banned, a woman sitting on a guys face, banned, I do think it's funny that female pleasure focused acts are banned by the uk government.

walkingchuckydoll Thu 21-May-20 09:20:52

@itsmsactually

What you're promoting is 'choice feminism' and does nothing to help the wider issues surrounding porn, trafficking, men's ideas of sex and women. Seriously people COME ON!!

No what you are doing is creating a bigger issue surrounding trafficking. Making porn illegal will not stop the production of porn, but will make the sort of people producing it the wrong kind of people which will support trafficking and coercing people. By mqking more ethical porn there is no need for trafficking, because the market is already being seen to.

Mens ideas about sex start at home growing up. Start talking to your sons that pleasure should be equal, instead of sex education being "penis in vagina till sperm comes out". Respect and womans pleasure is equally important than the male biology but there aren't a lot of parents discussing this.

ItsMsActually Thu 21-May-20 09:25:46

And what exactly does 'ethical porn' look like? Still anal, fisting, gang bangs, prolapsed, just with consenting adults?
Because if you think most porn addicted men will choose soft core gentle porn I think you're deeply mistaken. And if ethical porn is exactly the same as hardcore or other porn (just consenting adults) then we still have a problem with the impact that has on society as a whole. What makes you think those type of men will start choosing ethical when they can have hardcore, fetishism?

walkingchuckydoll Thu 21-May-20 09:32:01

@itsmsactually

I think you just don't want to see the other perspective tbh. I'm a woman and I used to watch porn. What's wrong with anal? Plenty of women enjoy that in the bedroom. My ex loved videos of women masturbating, what's wrong with that? Not everyone watches the niche stuff, and even if they do, if everyone is consenting there is no problem. Ilgang bangs existed in bloody roman times, it's nothing new and never got popular with the masses in 2000 years.

walkingchuckydoll Thu 21-May-20 09:34:08

What makes you think those type of men will start choosing ethical when they can have hardcore, fetishism?

Yeah, and you probably also believe that smoking one joint leeds to heroin and drinking 1 beer leeds to alcoholism.

Iwalkinmyclothing Thu 21-May-20 09:37:27

If you're going to conflate abuse with porn, can you just not, please, because just as there is a significant difference between rape and sex, there is a significant difference between porn and abuse.

And stop trying to shame people whose sexual preferences don't align with yours. I don't mock and belittle people for what would to me be boring vanilla sex lives, take your judgement of those of us who like kink and shove it.

ItsMsActually Thu 21-May-20 09:37:40

Ha! And you think I'M making generalisations...
Just for the record, I used to watch porn, I'm an ex sex worker, sexual health nurse and have even dabbled in drugs before (nope, never been an addict).

MissBax Thu 21-May-20 09:41:47

Iwalkin
I think you're pretty naive about the impact of porn on society.
I work for a charity that supports sex workers and very very VERY few do so when they have other options. No one is conflating porn and abuse, they go hand in hand. That is a fact.

Hoggleludo Thu 21-May-20 09:51:30

Her case was horrific. Literally disgusting

However. Pornhub have since changed hands. It isn't owned or operated by the same people now. It also uses software which means that things that have been banned. Cant be reuploaded.

Weallhavevalidopinions Thu 21-May-20 10:13:40

I have just read about Rose Kalemba and what happened to her. Wow, it's awful from the rape/beating to the way she was treated by some family/friends/police etc to the viewing of her rape by others on a pornsite and how difficult it was for her to get it removed.

Tragic, awful and lifelong consequences. I think that any porn site should be held accountable to remove any content where a person says non consensual immediately. The response to her requests to remove her rape from the site was discusting.

However, consexual sex between adults where both are consenting is different. However, how does anyone know if the adult is consenting or a trafficking victim?

But is it impossible to stop porn and so consensual adult porn cannot be taken away since might drive it underground. The sites should be accountable though and have to remove immediately or pay substantial damages if they don't.

I don't know the answer, but I don't think people will ever give up porn.

Weallhavevalidopinions Thu 21-May-20 10:14:51

disgusting - sorry about the typos/spelling today

roxfox Thu 21-May-20 10:17:57

I wish people would stop saying they don't mind their partners watching porn but don't want them to pay for it!! Some women choose to do things like only fans etc and they choose to earn their living that way. And they should be paid for their time!

Shoxfordian Thu 21-May-20 10:28:37

Roxfox

I think my issue would be if my husband was only watching one performer or being too close or attached to one girl. There's also a difference between watching a video and speaking to a camgirl in my opinion

I agree that people should be paid though

Bluntness100 Thu 21-May-20 10:34:26

I think op you need to be able to differentiate between consensual porn and non consensual. Just like sex.

Your post is no different to saying can everyone who is ok with sex not be because sometimes it’s rape. Or can everyone stop eating chicken because battery hens are kept in the USA.

You can be horrified and empathise with horrific events like the one you describe without making sweeping statements and banning the whole thing. Being able to critically think and apply it is really an important life skill.

U022828 Thu 21-May-20 10:39:02

The thing is Bluntness, most sex is not rape whereas most porn IS exploitative.
Don't condescend about being able to think critically if you don't know the facts about porn.

U022828 Thu 21-May-20 10:45:45

fightthenewdrug.org/3-reasons-why-watching-porn-is-harmful/

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/24/pornography-world-anti-porn-feminist-censorship-misogyny

WaterOffADucksCrack Thu 21-May-20 10:50:26

I don't like the common implications on this thread that if we enjoy certain sexual acts we must be doing it to please porn obsessed men or we've got the idea from watching porn.

I am a rape survivor but I also enjoy a varied sex life with the things ItsMsActually describes. I don't like porn because you can't tell who has been forced into it and who hasn't. I used to be a sex worker (this wasn't where I was raped however) and some wanted to do it. Some didn't. Some convinced themselves they did. I think porn is the same.

If there was a way to regulate it then I'd be for it but I just don't think there is.

AgeLikeWine Thu 21-May-20 11:09:43

Get a grip, OP.

Of course nobody should be coerced into making porn, but the overwhelming majority of participants in both professional and amateur porn are adults doing so freely because they want to or because it is their chosen career. It’s called freedom of choice in a free, liberal society. If you do like it, go and live in Saudi Arabia.

I enjoy watching porn and will continue to do so.

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