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Help, why do I have feelings for my crappy ex???

(16 Posts)
neverdoingthatagain100 Wed 20-May-20 21:38:08

Sorry , bit of back story.
I had a EA ex.
I loved this man.
Even though he was a shit to me.
In November 2019 I finally found a shred of dignity (after he was a bigger shit than normal) and moved on.
Very long journey. Long story.
Now I've moved on a little.
Met someone who is lovely. Handsome, sexy, much nicer than ex . I still think about ex quite a lot, but mostly think how lucky I am to have got free, there's no pain there at all. My life has a new calmness and I love it.
Unfortunately ex is related to people in local community, so during lockdown I haven't bumped into him which has been great for me.
Now tonight I've seen his car outside his uncles house which is down the road from me. It made me feel
physically sick. I wanted to see him. (not proud) all feelings for him came flooding back. I'd love to be in his arms. If he called me up I'd be putty in his hands.
What's the matter with me?
He's a shit beyond compare.
I'm much better than that, but I can't trust myself where he is concerned.
Has anyone ever felt like this?
Can anyone tell me why after all my hard work and 6 months I still feel connected to this man?
I'm blocking him, keeping out of his way, I know I just can't see him, but why not?
Has anyone ever felt like this?

OP’s posts: |
Walkingandatalking Thu 21-May-20 00:31:29

Were you together for a long time? 6 months is still not that long in the grand scheme of things if you were together for a long time. Just try to keep in mind you're better off without him and the only time you should ever look back is to see how far you've come!

lmnoh Thu 21-May-20 00:45:26

He's a bad boy .... they seem to
Have a knack of getting under the skin.
Be strong and stick with the good guy x

sociallydistained Thu 21-May-20 00:53:30

I feel the same about mine and we've been split 3 years hmm He messages me from time to time and has made it clear he wants to meet up despite being in a relationship... I almost did at one point! Then I met my new boyfriend thank god and never did. But I still think about him at least once a day and it does my head in!

It's a bloody cruel twist of fate that the bad ones at the ones we can't forget ffs

neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 01:12:49

Oh no @sociallydistained , three years!! (Thanks for sharing though it's good to know I'm not the only one)
I think about my ex every day too!
Not in a painful way, but quite often I think something like 'it's so calm without him, or it's so lovely not to worry if he's going to call me drunk in the middle of the night etc..,
I can go to sleep in peace etc...or I even think ' I'm so lucky I escaped'
So to feel sick when I saw his car felt like such a backward step, I went home checking my phone thinking he would text then come round ( that's what he used to do)
Then I felt disappointed he didn't text!
Oh well best thing I can do is AVOID as much as possible.

OP’s posts: |
sociallydistained Thu 21-May-20 01:18:38

My ex doesn't live nearby thankfully but he works in a particular part of London I go to sometimes and I get that awful sick feeling imagining I saw him.

Thing is, it was very cathartic to read his recent messages and NOT want to meet him. I really don't and I've realised how much better off I am without him and how amazing my dp is in comparison but still he pops into my head all the time wether its a positive or a negative thought. I just hope one day it'll go away as I could never ever trust him so there's no chance of me ever being with him but sometimes all the thoughts make me think he must of been the "one" by WHY arghhh!

Seeing his car would bring up all those feelings, OP. I think that's completely normal! Just try to not dwell on it and live your life that's all you can do!

neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 01:21:34

Also the new man I've met is early days, I'm taking it VERY slow, also not seen him much recently due to lockdown
But it's just he's a much better man in every way than ex, and even if it doesn't progress (which I hope it does, ) he has shown me how it can be so much better. Of course I knew that in theory, but actually finding someone who is respectful and gentle is a big step forward in breaking my ex's spell.

OP’s posts: |
neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 01:24:55

@sociallydistained
So three years on he still messaged you? Wow!
That is a bit of a head fuck. Do you think he's trying to mess with your mind?
That's the sort of thing my ex would do.

OP’s posts: |
neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 01:28:46

My ex will definitely be sharking around to see if he can get me back on the hook, he knows we will bump into each other, in that sense lockdown came at a brilliant time for me. I didn't have to see him at all.

OP’s posts: |
neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 01:30:02

@sociallydistained, I'm so glad for you that you met your new boyfriend!

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Thu 21-May-20 08:03:24

sociallydistained Same her - 3 1/2 years on.
Mine messaged me a little while ago.
I didn't realise I hadn't blocked him on text.
Alll blocked now though and he lives close by.
I'm a sensible, much older person so I've no idea why he had such an impact on me.
It will take time OP.
You will think of him.
But knowing you are in a better place without a fuckwit is what you need to cling on to.
You'll get there.
But don't beat yourself up about it.
Sooooo so so many of us have been there!

sociallydistained Thu 21-May-20 11:17:53

@neverdoingthatagain100 Yes 3 years on he messages me. He started 6 months after we split even though he was already in a new relationship. Then it was literally 2.5 years later when he started suggesting we actually meet up and he misses what we had etc. Head fuck but I truly think he thinks I was the one also. But he blew it so!

sociallydistained Thu 21-May-20 11:19:32

Just to say... there's been some sort of contact at least every 3-6 months since we split. I've finally stopped replying now. I was being polite hmmconfused
Don't make my mistake lol

neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 13:52:25

@hellsbellsmelons
I'm a sensible woman in my 40s with 3 dc!
Why I put up with his shit and even loved him I've no idea
I never knew there were men out there who consciously made an effort to get women hooked then muck them around.
I think he enjoyed seeing how far he could push me and how much of his shit I would take.
Well looks like it's going to take time then....

OP’s posts: |
neverdoingthatagain100 Thu 21-May-20 13:55:46

@sociallydistained
Yes I've been very polite on the odd occasion he has texted me, I'm trying to take the higher ground and get out gracefully but I think I need to block/ignore. Thanks!

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Thu 21-May-20 13:56:49

I think he enjoyed seeing how far he could push me and how much of his shit I would take
Yep - got the t-shirt and the mug and baseball cap!
I think I took him back 4 or 5 times.
I was an absolute muppet and I was in my 40's too.
Now I'm very early 50's and very happily single.
He had more of an impact on me than my ExH who I was with for 15 years!
Go figure...

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