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Awkward friendship group

(9 Posts)
zipzap02 Wed 20-May-20 17:09:44

There's a what's app group. There's a woman in it I don't particularly consider a friend. I feel obliged to invite her places but I find her rude and she often crosses boundaries.
She's depressed and although I feel sorry for her, I keep getting my feelings hurt when she doesn't reply to messages or doesn't plan anything herself.
I tried to be friends with her for a year; I ended up organising everything. Eventually I had enough and waited for her to contact me, she didn't. And that is that. However, she has started to ignore my whats app messages, I think as a way of gaining control?
Other friends in the group still make contact with her and invite her to places.
How do I communicate how I feel to my other friends without sounding like a complete cow (because she's depressed).
I also don't want to invite her places.

OP’s posts: |
Azadewow Wed 20-May-20 18:19:41

Just don't invite her anymore, don't message her. If she speaks to you directly in grp msgs or private msgs, be polite but indifferent. Don't tell people anything unless they query your behaviour. If you tell them without them asking u might come across as starting drama or being inconsiderate. Let them ask you. Then u can simply state the facts.

zipzap02 Wed 20-May-20 18:48:50

My friends will probably ask , shall we invite everyone ? To which I say , no? 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 I really don't
Know how to manage this without looking like the cruel one leaving her out. But I really don't want to be friends with her anymore.

OP’s posts: |
lavenderlove Wed 20-May-20 18:54:29

I would speak to one of your friends one on one and put the feelers out to see if they feel the same, but without sounding mean. Something like "can I ask if (rude friend) always messages you back? She hasn't replied to a few of my messages that's all" and see what they say. Maybe everyone feels the same but continues to include her because they feel bad?

category12 Wed 20-May-20 18:58:26

I really don't know how to manage this without looking like the cruel one leaving her out

But you do want to exclude her. Can't you just suck up her presence if she did want to come along and maintain the other friendships without making it an issue? She's not done anything dreadful to you.

passerbye Wed 20-May-20 20:03:57

Why do you need to deliberately cut her out? That seems a bit mean. You don’t have to contact her but if somebody else wants to invite her to something then why the big deal? Ok you don’t have to be friends but just say hello and be polite if she happens to be at something you’re at. You want to ruin her social life when the poor woman is depressed because she doesn’t respond to your messages? Why do you get to play God with the social circle. Keep it to yourself and stop being so dramatic? This is why I can’t have female friends. People like you always being so over controlling, weird and social circle designing.

VettiyaIruken Wed 20-May-20 20:07:04

Just stop chatting with her yourself and trying to get a response on WhatsApp bit if someone says shall they invite everyone, say yes, of course. Then leave them to do it.

You can be civil, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Plumplumbadum Wed 20-May-20 22:06:36

Just because she's depressed it doesn't give her a free ticket to be rude and cross boundaries. And you really do not have to put up with it. If friends ask wether to invite her just say it's up to them but you find her rude and you're not keen.
And passerbye have you ever considered that it's YOU and not THEM? You can't just lump all women together and say that they are the reason you can't have female friends. And OP doesn't want to ruin this womans social life, she just doesn't want to spend time with a rude, boundary crossing person.

zipzap02 Wed 20-May-20 22:37:26

Thanks last poster.
That's what I think deep down. Too many times she has been rude to
Me and/or I've ended up being hurt.
Sneaky using depression as an excuse I think because you are the one that looks bad if you say something.

OP’s posts: |

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