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I wonder what ailment it is today? First World #Quarantine Hubbie Problems

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Everyonesbuck Wed 20-May-20 11:11:49

Thanks for all your responses to my last post on teenage boys! Enjoyed reading them all and its always good to know they all live similar lives amongst us all lol.

I have written one on my teenage girls coming soon....until then, here comes the husband one! You may relate to mine or you may not......
This week we feature some of the #lockdown traits of the male, more commonly known in my house as 'husband'.

1. It’s not uncommon for the male to repeatedly talk with their mouths full of food.
2. Did you know the male DNA is made up of 95% getting in the way, the remaining 5% wanting to know what their partner is doing?
3. Loud, often unbearable noise is associated with the daily activity of the male. Examples include, but not limited to: eating, putting things away, breathing, emptying the dishwasher all a constant onslaught of sound.
4. As you spend more time with the male, you’ll become increasingly aware of their interest in learning things ie. ‘what the female is up to’.
5. The male seems unaware a female can be pissed off or just plain annoyed at the male without it being due to her ‘period’ or ‘menopause’ and no a shag will not solve it!
6. Contrary to popular belief, the female is not internally fitted with a locating device.
7. The male has the incredible, ever-increasing ability to turn any topic of conversation back to himself i.e. how-well-i-have-done-it.
8. Cupboards and drawers allow the male to indulge in their habit of leaving them open along with another firm favourite, never tucking chairs back in.
9. Regardless of being told, the male is known to consistently move things that don’t need moving.
10. Short attention span i.e. see above.
11. The male believe themselves great analysts, specialist subjects covered: ‘why are you doing it like that’?
12. Most of their waking hours are spent complaining about varying ailments, sometimes accompanied with a bonus ailment thrown in.
13. When something can’t be found its clearly obvious to the male the female has moved it. See ‘accusatory tone’ have you moved my tape measure?
14. Empty toilet rolls are not as delicate as they look and contrary to male belief they can withstand the touch of a male hand.
15. When it comes to communicating, the male prefers to speak from different rooms leaving the female absolutely no idea what is being said, in turn leaving the male frustrated believing the female never listens.
16. A female ‘thinking out loud’ moment i.e. forgot to add an ingredient to dinner will result in said dinner ‘lacking something’ and would have tasted better if that ingredient had been added!
17. ‘okay'’ a male word denoting delight, excitement, happiness, pleasure for anything undertaken by a female.
18. 'get in there, legend, brilliant' male words denoting delight, excitement, happiness, pleasure for anything football related.
19. Male #quarantine sorrow: a feeling of deep distress caused by loss of premiership football.
20. The Male: Always wise after the event.

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