Attraction issues or anxiety?!

[Froggles1]

Hi,

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. I’m feeling better today but I’ve been very upset this last week and I just feel a bit lost.

I am in my thirties and have had anxiety and ocd all my life pretty much; but the last 12 years I’ve known it & had therapy etc

My anxiety has focussed a lot on my relationship (whether it’s right, do I love DH, am I attracted to him etc)

We have a toddler and we both adore him. Sometimes though I feel like we are just missing that spark. We are best friends, companions, make each other laugh etc but I don’t feel like I wanna rip his clothes off. However, when we do have sex it is good. I just don’t feel like it and push his attention away a lot.

I guess I don’t wanna break up but I feel like am I wasting my life?! I don’t think I am and I did a lot of work in therapy on relationships and love being an ‘action’ not something you need to ‘feel’ constantly.

He is such a nice guy and kind. However sometimes I just feel annoyed by him and put off by little things (farting, smelly breath, sarcasm) even though I know these things are human.

I guess I miss the feeling of just wanting someone so much you feel dopey and silly. I know that isn’t sustainable but I miss it. I know my anxiety makes me question everything and the current lockdown probably not helping.

Can anyone relate?

[RedCouch]

Is there a passion or hobby you have or could take up? That might give you the spark you're looking for without it being a man or depending on your husband if you see what I mean.

Re relationship it might just be a case of the grass is greener?

Lockdown is hellish especially with relationships and anxiety. Would it help your mind to say right we'll keep things as they are just now and reassess after lockdown or something?

[dontdisturbmenow]

I don't know many couples who still feel the same they did when they first met when having a toddler.

[AmeliaTaylor]

The stuff you said about farting, bad breath etc. has me wondering whether you have the ick and are just trying to talk yourself out of it...?

[Froggles1]

@RedCouch yes I’ve been exercising more & yoga which helps. I think you’re right & I need to just get through this period without overanalysing
@dontdisturbmenow ha you’re probably right! We’re pretty tired so I guess that’s a factor
@AmeliaTaylor not sure what ‘ick means?! It’s more like I know stuff like smelly feet doesn’t really matter But I find myself obsessing over things like this and putting myself off! As I said, when we have sex it’s usually very good! I think I just crave that loved up/desire feeling but know it’s something that probably comes more at the start rather than after years together!