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Three steps back...

(8 Posts)
LeftFeelingHelpless Tue 19-May-20 20:05:28

So I’ve posted before about my ex leaving me for the OW. It has now been almost 4 months since that day. He started a relationship ‘officially’ with the OW 2 weeks later.

I thought I was doing so well, after the initial breakdown/begging him to come home. I’ve been pretty much NC except for anything regarding the children. Even then it’s the bare minimum of pick up/drop off times. However, we spoke all day on Sunday. Nothing special to begin with, just asking how the kids were etc. Then I asked for some help regarding the children as their behaviour has been very out of character (as is to be expected) but I was struggling and unsure of what to do for the best. Somehow we ended up talking about parts of the relationship and I felt maybe this was him realising his part and showing some guilt. When he dropped the kids off on Monday we ended up taking them to the park for 3 hours. I ended up crying and trying to get some things off my chest which I have been holding in. He didn’t say much in return but I could tell he wasn’t happy in himself anymore.

Here’s the issue, he says he’s happy in his new relationship but wants to still be able to do things as a family (I’m guessing after lockdown). He says his new girlfriend is fine with this and it’s the best thing to do for the kids to show that we can get along. I do agree that it is a good way to set a good example for them however I can’t help but feel that he just wants to keep me dangling just in case this new relationship doesn’t work out.

Today, I feel like an idiot. For some reason I’ve sat waiting for him to text me, although i dont know why cause we’ve not spoken properly in 4 months. I feel I’ve gone backwards and need a kick up the backside to just forget about him. Maybe it’s because I feel sorry for him, i dont know why but I can’t seem to put myself first. Does anybody have any experience of this? I’m struggling in lockdown to preoccupy myself. I’ve been reading a lot but other than that and walks there’s not much else to do.

I don’t even know what advice I’m looking for. I guess I just need someone to tell me to get a grip and move on!

OP’s posts: |
BumbleBeee69 Tue 19-May-20 20:13:34

you showed him he still has your heart.. you fed his ego... nothing more..

You can do this.. you can break free of this.. start again tomorrow OP.. flowers

LeftFeelingHelpless Wed 20-May-20 11:44:22

Thank you @BumbleBeee69. I think I must have just had a bit of a wobble! I’m feeling a bit stronger today, it’s not an easy process to go through and I shouldn’t be too hard on myself smile

OP’s posts: |
BumbleBeee69 Wed 20-May-20 19:59:45

it's very hard but the support on here can be invaluable.. never feel you are alone flowers

FlowerArranger Wed 20-May-20 20:09:00

He is trying to eat cake! Do not let him. You'll feel so much stronger if you don't.

Can you try distract yourself - anything to guide your thoughts away from him. Be brave, try something new. Painting, listening to Verdi, propagating geraniums, whatever floats your boat.

SadSausage44 Wed 20-May-20 20:32:13

Please PLEASE google and read Chump Lady. She has saved my sanity since my husband left me for another woman. Stay strong, I'm in a similar situation, the only thing that is helping me is going no contact with him.

FlowerArranger Wed 20-May-20 21:25:12

Oh yes, Chumplady. She doesn't mince words. Pulls you back when you're at risk of turning into sobbing mess...

TossaCointoYerWitcher Thu 21-May-20 00:00:05

Yes Yes Yes to ChumpLady - she's done whole articles on the fallacy of "for the sake of the kids". Please do look her up.

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