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Ah man broke no contact last night after nearly 4 month and now I feel terrible

10 replies

JamesySpool · 19/05/2020 09:21

So me and girlfriend of 4 years broke up in early February this year and after our final saying our goodbyes phone conversation I decided (and told her at the time) that I wouldn’t be contacting her anymore as it’s something I needed to do to help the healing process.

Last night I was out on my bike doing a bit of daily lockdown exercise and I bumped into her riding towards her as she was coming out of a shop. She said Hello are you ok and at the time I sorta put my head down and mumbled ‘Yep’ before riding on.

However all the way back home it was doing my head in so about an hour later I messaged her saying that I hope she didn’t think I was being rude by not talking to her and I hoped that she was well too.

I got, and still haven’t got no reply, and woke this morning feeling absolutely terrible and like its day one of the breakup all over again and that I’m back at day one of no contact again. I guess seeing her then texting and yes doing that dreaded checking of the phone every 2 minutes last night brought it all back and right now has maybe made me realise that I’m not so far down the line of getting over her as I thought I was.

It was a silly thing to do I know and it feels like that control I gave myself by instigating no contact has been wrestled back by her.

Has anyone done anything similar after using no contact for so long? Any advice on how to kick my ass back into gear?

Sorry for mumbling on guys, this is quite a fresh thing that happened last night.

OP posts:

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Shoxfordian · 19/05/2020 09:24

Don't beat yourself up too much
Delete her number and block it

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NoMoreDickheads · 19/05/2020 09:33

PP has the right idea- you said what you wanted to say, now delete and block (or mute etc if it's FB, which makes you wait 48hrs before you block again after you unblocked.)

You will feel better for it again.

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LostandLockeddown · 19/05/2020 09:40

Your response was perfectly fine. So is hers. She probably isn't going to start messaging you back if you told her no contact originally.

Not sure why you think she has any control here. She just bumped into you. You responded. You're still choosing your responses.

Bound to be hard. I'm post break up and have just gone no contact after a few weeks of thinking I could handle talking to him. I can't but this sucks too. It will pass. Think of it as another step forward. You've handled it fine.

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TwentyViginti · 19/05/2020 09:41

I get this! it's awful when you bump ino an ex you've been 'no contacting' in order to heal. Your text was merely polite, not begging her back or anything, so no harm there.

You've had an unexpected setback, and it's thrown you, but don't count it as breaking the contact. You sent a polite text that you would have sent anyone if you'd thought you'd been a bit abrupt.

Her not replying is a good thing. It's still no contact, rather than endless to-ing and fro-ing with messages.

Try not to check your phone, if you can't yet block and delete. You'll get there!

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TwentyViginti · 19/05/2020 09:44

Sorry, don't count it as breaking the NO contact.

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JamesySpool · 19/05/2020 10:07

Thanks for your responses guys I used this site a couple of times early in the breakup and also thankful for the different kinds of advice.

Yes while I guess it is a good thing in the long run and for my no contact that she didn’t reply I guess I’m just a little worried really because we left the relationship on good terms. Reason she broke it off with me was because she didn’t feel the same anymore. Our lives and schedules had changed a lot since back in 2015 and we sort of faded out but the phone convo we had back in Feb was constructive where we both left the call knowing we had no hard feelings against each other. I’m just upset a bit because me being a bit grumpy with my response outside the shop and then afterwards getting no reply to the text is just making me think Oh no does she now think I’m a d*ckhead? : (

While I’ll be choosing my bike route more carefully in future (although last night it happened nowhere near where we both lived) what should I do if it were to happen again? Do I give the same brief and goodbye response or do I at least engage in a still brief but a bit more conversation?

Thanks again guys

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Oly4 · 19/05/2020 10:10

Keep going, don’t contact her again. If she replies, read it and delete.
Every bit of contact sets you back

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Sarcelle · 19/05/2020 10:13

Don't overthink it, put it down to you being polite. But don't do it again as it messes with your head.

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picklemewalnuts · 19/05/2020 11:12

You're over thinking.

I'd say everyone gets a bit embarrassed the first few times they bump into an ex. Add CV19 into it and it's bound to be stilted.

She may well be kicking herself with similar unfounded worries 'drat, I shouldn't have said anything, pretended I didn't see them' 'damn, should I answer their text, I made them uncomfortable' etc.

Just let it go.