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Blown it

(120 Posts)
Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 19:59:49

Gutted, met the man that I had met a couple of times before lockdown for a socially distanced walk today with my daughter who he has already met and liked and as the walk was quite long she got fed up and started to moan a bit (she is asd) he then got knocky and annoyed and we headed back. Thought it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship when we first met now it looks like it's all over before it's really begun. Thinks he's realised that he's better off with someone who doesn't have children.

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YesItsMeIDontCare Sun 17-May-20 20:04:04


You've found out now that the man you met is not compatible with your life.

Better now than the normal run of things when they don't meet your kids until you're sure they're "the one" and then it goes a bit wrong but you've invested so much time in to this relationship and you love him so you will damn we'll make it work even if it's not best for the kids...


Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:09:10

Yes you are probably right, we met through my nephew as they are friends and I had my daughter with me hence why they have already met. We clicked and got on well as did he and my little girl she took an instant like to him which is odd as she is usually very shy around strangers. Thought it could be the start of something but not now. It doesn't help that he lives in a different town to me as well.

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Groovinpeanut Sun 17-May-20 20:09:15

Sounds like you and your daughter are better off without a tantrumy man.
He wasn't a good fit for your family. Better to find out now than further down the line.

Alepsa Sun 17-May-20 20:13:48

I'm sorry if I've misunderstood your post, but is this only the third time you've met up with him?

Totally agree with other posters, if it's not his scene then it's best you know so you're not wasting your time. You'll find someone who is a much better for you and your family. It's ok to feel sad though. Feel what you need to feel and when you're ready, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. You've got this.

Bubblebee7 Sun 17-May-20 20:16:47

What exactly did he say? Did you or did he message since?

Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:18:41

It's the fifth time we met four times before lockdown, had a couple of dates without my daughter and it went well. We come as a package though and she was the child I longed for so maybe I should wait until she's much older before even thinking of dating again !

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gamerchick Sun 17-May-20 20:19:52

You haven't blown anything OP. Its better you know this early on so you don't invest any more time in it. flowers

PorpentiaScamander Sun 17-May-20 20:20:14

Definitely better that you know now rather than 2.5 years down the line when hes moved in and made you believe you have a future!

Still sucks though. flowers

Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:21:42

@bubblebee we went and sat in his garden (2m apart) and had some wine it was nice and we got on fine and my daughter settled down and it was pleasant but he didn't say anything about meeting again.

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CoachBombay Sun 17-May-20 20:23:57

No no, you haven't blown anything, he's not compatible for your family. There's a difference.

I've dated a few men since becoming single last year, I also have a son 5 with ADHD and suspected autism. None of them ever met him because I could just tell they wouldn't be able to cope with DS, one even mocked DS when I relayed a story of something he had done, my face said it all there was no dessert or cheese board I asked for the bill.

You don't have to hit pause on this, trust me.

Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:27:10

Annoying though as I never ever meet men I'm not that sort of person (very shy) so I was looking forward to some nice times. I wonder if I should message him and apologise or just leave it and assume he's not interested anymore. He has just seen me a funny video which he does a lot anyway but not mentioned anything about today.

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gamerchick Sun 17-May-20 20:30:24

Apologise for what though? You haven't done anything wrong.

ExGroom Sun 17-May-20 20:30:38

What have you got to apologise for?

Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:33:16

For my daughters behaviour ? at one point when she was being tricky and moaning we walked in total silence and he said 'be nice if someone spoke to me' very annoyed, when I mentioned it to him later he said he was only joking. Maybe I've read too much into it. Think I'll leave well alone now !

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sosickofthisshit Sun 17-May-20 20:36:13

You're making assumptions before he's even said anything. Just because he didnt mention anything about another date, doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you again. Why not try yourself to arrange something with him, and see what he says?

Bubblebee7 Sun 17-May-20 20:38:55

Was the man aware your daughter was coming?

Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:40:46

Yes he knew my daughter was coming he wanted her to come he liked her, he just didn't expect her to be Moany about walking.

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Iamthe1andonlyyyyy Sun 17-May-20 20:41:49

When my mum brought her boyfriend home to meet us my brother was 2 and I was 4. I had a huge phobia of men. They came in the door. My brother started pulling the stuffing of his nappy out and I threw up at the feet of the new bloke.
Mum went into the kitchen to get things to clean up and was crying apparently and when she cane back in the new bloke was sat on the floor cross legged holding my hand.
35 years on he's my dad.
Point is, forget the moody dude, better you know now. thanks

Willowmartha1 Sun 17-May-20 20:43:39

Ah that's lovely! He has a son of 17 so you'd think he would know what kids are like. Or I'd hoped so anyway.

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MrsGrindah Sun 17-May-20 20:43:56

What does knocky mean?

Bubblebee7 Sun 17-May-20 20:43:56

Right ok. I would ask him how he found the date so you know exactly what he thinks.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend Sun 17-May-20 20:47:02

you Involved your child in your dating life and are surprised it didn’t go well?

gamerchick Sun 17-May-20 20:47:50

My bloke took on me and my 3 kids, one autistic. Nothing has phased him at all. If this person complains about moaning about walking, what is he going to be like during a meltdown?

For your own peace of mind, have the frank conversation but personally, if he can't cope with that then he can't cope with the long haul. It sounds as if you want to have the conversation though and that's fine.

Nikhedonia Sun 17-May-20 21:14:38

I think it was very early to be introducing your child.

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