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Writing When Sad

(38 Posts)
QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 18:24:46

Right now I am completely and utterly wrecked and ruined after an unexpected break-up. I know that time will heal and that I will be ok in the end but I am impatient and not prepared to wait for the end so I've been desperately searching for something that may soothe in the short term.

The one thing that I have found that works and really works (unlike wine which only pretend works) is writing. I have made a blog and I am recording my pain every day as if it were interesting.

Doing this has made me realise that I want to be a writer, not a professional, just a person who writes. I don't properly know why on top of that, I want people to read what I write. I do (rather selfishly) want to share my sadness but there is also something about the contact with strangers. It is comforting whilst not being oppressive like the sympathetic hugs from friends.

As time goes by I guess and hope that things will change - that I will change and that my reasons for writing will too. I do want though for this drive to stay.

I don't know why I am posting here, I tried to post this in Creative Writing but it is quiet there. I don't really want to talk about the break-up though - I want to write about that and talk about writing.

(So thank you for reading but feel completely free to ignore!)

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Keepithidden Sun 17-May-20 18:51:36

I've recently discovered a love for writing, although it is using pen and ink, rather than typing. There is something very therapeutic about dumping a stream of consciousness down on a page, and afterwards I feel a lot lighter.

Reading old stuff is also fascinating to see what I've been thinking about stuff weeks ago.

No advice, just enjoy it for what it is.

lockdownmadness Sun 17-May-20 18:54:07

@QuiteSad I can almost hear your pain in your opening paragraph. Sorry you are going through this.
Writing is a great way to get it all out there. You're connecting with strangers in a way that is totally 'you' without any judgement.
I have started journaling too but just for myself.
Its certainly a process to go through. Have you been through it before?
I guess with writing it is easier to define your own boundaries and body language us taken out of it

QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 18:56:58

Thank you for replying Keepithidden and I admire you for being able to write in pen and ink. My handwriting is a bit "dyslexic eight year old boy'" for that (no offence meant to dyslexic people or boys or eight year olds, I'm sure some of you write beautifully).

Would you ever want others to read what you have written or is just for you?

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QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 19:00:12

@lockdownmadness Thank you too, no - I have never written anything before though I have always wanted to so I think I may be clinging on to this as the one and only "silver lining" in what is otherwise an awful pit of very un-silver things.

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Keepithidden Sun 17-May-20 19:03:43

Quitesad, my hand writing isn't too good either!

Not sure I'd want anyone reading it, certainly know one I know. It's all a but sixth form philosophy and angst!

QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 19:14:36

Yes, I understand, there is no way that before I stopped caring about anything (how's that for sixth form style angst?) that I would have been willing to publicly expose myself. Now I don't seem to feel embarrassment but not really for the right reasons. Maybe one day I will look back and feel retrospectively liberated and appreciate it.

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cheezy Sun 17-May-20 19:18:42

Sorry about your breakup OP. Writing can be a wonderful tonic. Have you heard of the Morning Pages? It’s a writing practice developed my Julia Cameron - google it. Good for getting tangled thoughts out.
Would you like to share your blog here?

QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 19:26:13

Thanks cheezy, I am just googling the morning pages and think I have heard of it before but never considered it seriously. It is an interesting idea, my thoughts are certainly quite tangled right now.

I won't share my blog here for fear of being seen as self-promoting. If anyone is genuinely interested or maybe going through a similar thing I will happily DM a link. As I said - where once I would have been self-conscious I am suddenly without shame!

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Zaphodsotherhead Sun 17-May-20 19:33:23

You ARE a writer - you write!

Therapeutic writing is an actual thing - some people teach it. A lot of people write through their unhappiness and it helps to get it out on paper, even if you never go back and re read it.

QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 19:57:13

Thank you Zaphod, you are right - I am a writer right now.

I do also know that I am not the first person to use words in this way, I am a bit surprised by my need to make it public though. Not just having the drive to write but to be read also. It is probably just my version of talking with a friend or counsellor, only rather than ring or pay someone I talk to the page and then hope that the internet is listening.

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Keepithidden Sun 17-May-20 22:36:14

That's a good way of viewing it, the old saying "a problem shared is a problem halved" sometimes turns out to be true!

The Internet also has the huge advantage of being anonymous, but I suppose you need to be aware of the trolls too. Some just like to put the boot on when you share your feelings on line. Not sure I could hack that, but I get the impression you're stronger than me!

QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 22:58:29

Luckily, I have never been trolled. People have been unfailingly lovely and supportive. I think in this state, maybe I am too easy a target!

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Longshotinthedark Sun 17-May-20 23:02:14

I have also broken up with the absolute love of my life and feel abject misery.
They have said that they love me but there is too much going on in their lives with family illness and their business for a relationship now.

I have set up a new email address and am writing to them.
I want to share my feelings with them and hope that in the future it will be possible to rekindle the relationship.

I am thinking that in the future I can share the login details with them, but in the meantime, I can write to them without impinging on their space.

I can't work out if this is sad and pathetic or decent.

QuiteSad Sun 17-May-20 23:19:27

Oh Longshot! That is so sad but not in the pathetic sense. I am sorry you are in this place too. Or at least in a similar place.

Writing emails to him (even ones that he will never see) sounds like a very cathartic experience and I think you should continue for as long as you find it so. Don't worry for the moment about whether he may or may not see them. Just write.

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RLEOM Mon 18-May-20 00:41:59

I write a diary by hand, but only when I'm sad or need to offload. I'd be interested in reading your blog. 😊

QuiteSad Mon 18-May-20 09:46:25

I've DMed you RLEOM. Glad you understand the urge to get things on paper (or laptop screen).

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Zaphodsotherhead Mon 18-May-20 10:03:55

When I go back and re-read some of my books (I'm a novelist) I can tell which ones were written in heartbreak and which were written when I was more 'myself'. The thing that surprises me is that other people can't tell! No reviews say 'the author is clearly writing from experience here...' or anything like that.

But I am sure having had a range of emotional experiences makes you a better writer. I know a lot is in the imagination, but I can't think someone who married their childhood sweetheart at seventeen and whose life has been plain sailing from there on is going to have as much depth available to them to mine when they are writing fiction!

Get it all out, OP. When the heartbreak is all over it can be a useful thing to revisit, even if it's only to show how far you've come.

ArthurBloom Mon 18-May-20 12:18:29

I'd love to read it, please DM a link smile

QuiteSad Mon 18-May-20 12:19:57

Oh that is interesting Zaphod and it all makes sense. I think apart from the therapeutic element it is this which is making me cling to and focus so much on the writing. It really does seem to be the one good thing I can find amongst all the shit right now - the thought that I might get better at something.

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QuiteSad Mon 18-May-20 12:28:35

I have sent you a link Arthur smile

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lockdownmadness Tue 19-May-20 15:51:05

@QuiteSad I would love to read if you can send me the link too? smile

cheezy Tue 19-May-20 19:34:37

I would also like to read, if you want to share QuiteSad

QuiteSad Tue 19-May-20 20:25:23

Sent and sent though the deathly silence from the previous posters doesn't bode well, hope I haven't traumatised anyone too much by inviting them to my ridiculously self-indulgent pity party!

I would like to acknowledge the fact that I am obviously extremely lucky and privileged and that my problems are very small fry in the grand scheme. This knowledge just doesn't really help right now so I am venting (whilst also knowing this).

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iamnotagasbag Tue 19-May-20 20:54:09

On your blog do you just write about your feelings or do you talk about the relationship and real life things? You can send to me too if you like! I am interested.

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