I need help please esp if any counsellors are reading this.
I don’t know if this is depression, limerance or something else but I had a long term affair that went on for 4 years that I told DH about 5 years ago. We have been trying to work on our marriage since but nothing has gotten better at all. DH brings it up all the time and questions where I am all the time etc and fights all the time about it. I’m always sorry and do whatever he wants to prove myself to him and I’ve been totally NC with AP for 5 years.
I don’t know if relevant but AP suffered from depression. AP’s wife also knew as we told spouses at the same time so that we could be together . His wife made it impossible for him to access his DC and made his life horrible after he moved out . He moved back to the family home
DH absolutely screwed me over financially and begged me to reconsider for our DCs. He also was sure he could forgive and that I had temporarily lost my mind. I didn’t think I had depression but over the last 5 years I don’t know if I have developed it or not. I think I have tho as I have anxiety, can’t sleep, moods unpredictable, cry all the time, nothing makes me feel anything except empty.
I am totally obsessed with AP and what he is doing every second of the day. My emotional state is a mess and has been for 5 years. I miss him literally all the time and day and night I am thinking about him.
I bumped into him last week after 5 years. And he told me nothing has changed for him either and that he loves me as much now as he did 5 years ago. We have gone full NC for 5 years and have both been so unhappy. AP said he is completely obsessed with me to and that he can’t get over us at all. He asked me to think about leaving now and that he is desperate to leave and to be happy together.
My question is whether this obsession from both of us can still possibly be love or whether it’s depression or limerance all made worse by lockdown and being stuck with spouses who haven’t forgiven and are making our lives as punishing as possible.
Marriages don’t recover after this amount of time do they? If no recovery in 3-5 years it’s not going to happen is it?
The fact we both feel exactly the same about each other, does that mean something or is this limerance and depression coming into play?
Please help.
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Relationships
Affair depression and limerance
Depressedandconfused · 17/05/2020 13:50
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