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What is behind his obsession with this woman, I really don’t understand!

(161 Posts)
Denisee07 Sun 17-May-20 01:46:21

Hello, so I have been working with my boyfriend on and off helping him out in some of his work projects and he pays me, so he gave me his work laptop, not personal and I was working from there, so I remember I needed to search for a word meaning on google so I opened up mozilla and went to the google bar and when I began typing, his search history shows up and I can see that he typed the name of this woman he went out a couple of times with( nothing serious that is) they were just getting to know each other, but there was never a relationship between them.

They happened to have met in their work environment in 2017, he talked to me about her a couple of times of how beautiful, supermodel looking she was and that she had this great management job in a luxury building residential ( this is were they actually met) so I started feeling a little insecure and jealous because he talked so highly about her, physically speaking that is yet he told me she was a diva and was always flirting with everybody and other negative aspects about her.

The times that he has mentioned this woman to me, he would always start with:” this girl is so pretty, she looks like a model, that all the women that lived there always told her what an amazing hourglass body shape she had, that all these rich man driving expensive cars where after her, sending her flowers, messages and so on and then he would start saying all her negative traits and why he did not like her anymore and that she was empty, was too much of a diva and that he did see her true colors.

He told me that he was very glad that god took her out of his way, nevertheless he still has her in facebook and for some reason he always mentions the building were she worked in, or thinks that some random person lives there, so he always ends up mentioning it. He does not know in any way shape or form that I am aware that he has her in facebook and that I know her name as well.

They never had sex, they almost did, but they had promisedeach other they would wait, so one day they went out, drinked wine, danced in his APARTMENT, the started kissing in his bed, she stayed with panties and bras and him in boxers, yet it is true that they did not have sex they actually just cuddled , then why in the world did she just stayed with panties and a bra, and not in full clothes if it was not their intention to have sex?! It’s all just weird and does not make sense at all.

And now I found out he has searched for her on google on several occasions ( about some months ago and now recently) ,why would this be? Is he still intrigued by this girl after 2 years or he is somewhat still curious, aggravated about her and the fact that nothing happened between them.
Should I ask him about this? What can I do to understand the reason why he is searching for her. It does not even make sense because he has her facebook.

Why so much obsession with the building, this woman, at least this is what I feel here. this seems like if he was deeply impacted by all of this in that particular moment in his life and for some reason he can’t get over it. WHY? I have no clue.

Whatsnewpussyhat Sun 17-May-20 02:00:36

Why waste your time on s man who is clearly obsessed with someone else?

Dump him, sort out your self esteem and meet someone better.

dontgobaconmyheart Sun 17-May-20 02:08:16

Do glad god took her away that he pines after her? hmm

He fancied her OP, presumably he wishes it had gone further and it's on his mind from time to time. Ypu can bring it up with him if you want but it doesn't change the fact he is googling her. Does he say these 'compliments' about you?

If not, why bother.

Undercovermuvver Sun 17-May-20 02:29:27

If I was faced with this, I would wonder what was wrong with me that I even gave this man a second more of my oxygen

expat101 Sun 17-May-20 02:42:42

It might be unfinished business for him...?

Having said that, I googled someone last night who I knew when I was 18. He was a pretty good painter, lived in an attic at his grandparents, and we were both doing night school for our final certificates until I dropped out of the course.

Anyhow until last week, I had completely forgotten about him, no particular reason why he, out of anyone from those days should stand out, but it was something my brain decided I needed to recall.

Maybe that happened to your BF too?

Divebar Sun 17-May-20 02:47:02

How do you know all the details of what they did ? That’s very odd.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sun 17-May-20 02:51:34

It sounds like he almost views her like a celebrity and his close encounter is something that has stuck with him because he clearly felt unworthy of being with her. I think it’s weird that he’s gone into so much detail about her.

If he mentions her again I’d be tempted to say “I’m not really interested in hearing about this woman again”. Shut him down so he doesn’t get to indulge his little fantasy with you.

didmyhousethismornin Sun 17-May-20 03:12:10

I wouldn’t be with him, he’s clearly obsessed

Pluckedpencil Sun 17-May-20 03:18:19

Men googling pretty women they're once dated must be fairly common. Harping on about them to new girlfriends should not be tolerated however!

Swingingontheswing Sun 17-May-20 03:20:45

It sounds like he believes she was out of his league and she is ‘the one that got away’. I think most of us have that?

A friend of mine once told me that she knew her DH was the right guy for her because she stopped thinking about a past boyfriend when he came along.

I find it quite odd that he gave you so many details of their encounter, down to what they were wearing. He clearly isn’t trying to impress or protect you although he might be so infatuated with this woman in his dreamworld, he may be unaware of how much he is verbalising his thoughts.

NuovaMoi Sun 17-May-20 03:21:49

My suspicion is that she rejected him not the other way around

DeeCeeCherry Sun 17-May-20 03:23:38

He sounds like a total bore. Still wistfully dreaming of the one who got away whilst she no doubt moved on ages ago and doesn't want him. I don't know how you can be a sounding board for his mentionitis OP, surely you value yourself more than that? If he thought he had a chance with her you'd be gone. Get rid of him, he's weird.

Swingingontheswing Sun 17-May-20 03:25:53

My suspicion is that she rejected him not the other way around

Absolutely. That is very obvious imo. The negative info about her is his way of coping with that while telling himself she was vain and so on.

Mnthrowaway20202 Sun 17-May-20 03:27:59

He does sound obsessed with her - seems like a fan frankly. I’m assuming that she was massively out of his league, he’s shocked that someone like her showed an interest and he’s annoyed that he never actually slept with her so sees her as unfinished business, meanwhile she doesn’t seem interested in him.

I have people (minus the bed encounter) that do this to me, we haven’t spoken in years yet they’re constantly checking my socials and asking others about me. It’s weird.

You can do better than him! Find a man that is all about you and not stuck on an “ex”. Let’s be honest - if she asked him to pick up where they left off, he would probably consider it instead of immediately rejecting her & being loyal to you.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 17-May-20 03:43:22

You are massively wasting your time. You're a placeholder because he's not even close to being over her.

HannaH021 Sun 17-May-20 03:58:13

I couldnt tolerate that at all... The fact u'v accepted he tells u the low level details of their encounter questions ur selfrespect and selfworth... If u dont respect urself, he wont respect you.

There is no question he fancies her, and going after for years is completely out of order... I'd be looking for the exit...

I wouldnt bother asking him about it, i'll just dump him and make him feel worthless.

user1481840227 Sun 17-May-20 04:08:58

I read this exact thread a good few months ago on a different website....think it might have been boards.ie.

Why are you still in this relationship if he's obsessed with his ex and you're obsessed with him being obsessed with his ex?

RandomSelection Sun 17-May-20 04:53:05

How can you tell he googled her some months ago and then just recently? Did he tell you that, along with the fact that he lay on the bed in his boxers and she was in her bra and "panties". And he's very glad "that god took her out of his way??" confused The wording in the post sounds like a badly crafted Mills & Boon!

In the slight chance that this is all true, realise you are better than being number 2 in someone's life and ditch him, he's just not that into you.

Candyfloss99 Sun 17-May-20 05:28:39

I'd have dumped as soon as he started telling me about his ex in that much detail.

Shockers Sun 17-May-20 05:34:00

He told you the details of their non-sex life?? That’s just odd. I think you could probably do much better than this man.

Reallynowdear Sun 17-May-20 05:41:55

He is still interested in her, sorry.

VettiyaIruken Sun 17-May-20 05:54:26

She is the one he wants.

Denisee07 Sun 17-May-20 05:56:40

@Divebar, Because he himself the one & only has given me these details, including:

**He had the nerve to explicitly tell me, she was in a bra and panties with this amazing body, and he had boxers on, they were kissing, cuddling and nothing else happened because they made a deal they wouldn’t have sex until a little more ahead.
And again tells me with an insisting manner, that this is really precious, that she had a whole bunch of men after her, she has this amazing body of working out at the gym, this work position, etc etc, and he always seems frustrated or almost bitter when TALKING ABOUT IT, about it, I wonder why!! They had nothing serious, just going out and getting to know each other.

I think he is somewhat frustrated because he did want to have sex with her but due to respect he did not. He sounded intense about this, like somewhat bitter.

**And just so your jaw drops, our first days of dating ( including 1st date) he actually took me to see this wonderful luxury building that he worked in and hold on tight, where this GIRL WORKED!!!!! And where he MET her, he has taken me to this building like around 5 times.

**Reason why he took me, I have no clue, but sounds very shady.

LadyMinerva Sun 17-May-20 06:02:30

Are you happy with being treated like you are second best? That he has 'settled' for you because he can't have her? If so, crack on....

However, if you believe that you should be treated like someones first choice then dump him and fine someone that treats you the way you should be treated.

Denisee07 Sun 17-May-20 06:12:04

@MarkRuffaloCrumble, Yeah I believe he **idealized her way too much, that is just wrong to do this, when he says she looked like a model, that half of the rich men that lived in that building where after her, that the woman that lived there, told her what an awesome coke bottle shaped body she had. Etc etc. sounds like a maked up fake poofed up story he idealized all along, just my thoughts..

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