My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Sex with a friend

22 replies

PeachPie30 · 15/05/2020 23:57

I have fancied my male friend for years and he felt the same way but we were both in relationships. Now we’re both single and it looks like it might happen.

Any tips? I’m excited but really nervous. I have been imagining it for years. What if he doesn’t fancy me when it comes down to it? What if he feels it’s a bit of a let down? What if he feels like I’m his sister or something?

OP posts:
Report
WonderWomanBra · 16/05/2020 00:24

Relax!Let it happen if it happens.You will not know how you feel until you've done what you have been imagining for all those years.Put something nice on and go for it!!!Lifes too short to be worrying about the 'what ifs'!Besides your both single so no one's getting hurt.

Report
PeachPie30 · 16/05/2020 00:32

Well I might get hurt! I’m scared. But I also really really fancy him. I have never in my life been this sexually attracted to someone.

OP posts:
Report
NoMoreDickheads · 16/05/2020 00:33

I have fancied my male friend for years and he felt the same way but we were both in relationships. Now we’re both single and it looks like it might happen. Any tips? I’m excited but really nervous. I have been imagining it for years. What if he doesn’t fancy me when it comes down to it? What if he feels it’s a bit of a let down? What if he feels like I’m his sister or something?

Do you actually like him- as in potential boyfriend material? I think you do. In which case, don't jump into bed together, go on some dates (when permitted.)

There's no hurry.

Report
PeachPie30 · 16/05/2020 00:41

Yes I really like him. I want to be with him long term ideally. Definitely want to date first. Will that help? A few dates with some snogging to build up the anticipation?

OP posts:
Report
chocolatespiders · 16/05/2020 00:50

Meet in the park for some walking dates

Report
PeachPie30 · 16/05/2020 00:52

Nice idea. He has dogs.

OP posts:
Report
StarlightLady · 16/05/2020 06:08

There is nothing wrong with having sex with a good friend.

But you must make sure you are both on the same wavelength in terms of where you want to go.

Forget the dating aspect, you know each other. After lockdown the best way to start is on the bed. In bed is over rated!!

Report
WinterAndRoughWeather · 16/05/2020 06:14

Is this the same man from your other thread? Cos if so, this will be sex with a friend and nothing more.

As long as you’re fine with that, go for it.

Report
LivingThatLockdownLife · 16/05/2020 06:15

Prepare to lose a friend!

Report
Dontknowhowtohelp1 · 16/05/2020 06:37

After lockdown the best way to start is on the bed. In bed is over rated!!

What does this mean? I have my own version of what it might mean but I am not sure?

Report
beelzeboob · 16/05/2020 06:50

Once you have sex you can never really go back to being just friends. So if it works out then great, but if it doesn’t your friendship probably won’t survive

Report
AllianceOfCorcles · 16/05/2020 06:58

Is this the same man from your other thread? Cos if so, this will be sex with a friend and nothing more

Probably need to know the back story now then op

Report
WinterAndRoughWeather · 16/05/2020 06:59

I don’t agree with this beelzeboob, but obviously these things will vary massively from person to person.

Either way, OP isn’t after a FWB, she wants a relationship.

Report
StarlightLady · 16/05/2020 07:06

@Dontknowhowtohelp1 - Bedding gets in the way. It was also meant to be lighthearted.

@beelzeboob - l’ve had sex with a number of friends over the years. We are still friends to this day.

Report
Dontknowhowtohelp1 · 16/05/2020 07:07

Oh okay @StarlightLady Grin. I was projecting my own (never ending 🙄) issues on to what you said.

Report
overnightangel · 16/05/2020 09:02

Is it the same guy from your other thread @PeachPie30?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3910466-Guy-wants-to-be-chased

Report
PeachPie30 · 16/05/2020 09:05

Yes same guy. I’m not interested in a FWB thing. I want a relationship with him.

OP posts:
Report
Unrealist · 16/05/2020 16:31

Definitely go on dates first, you can’t recreate the tension of the build up to the first time.

Report
Menora · 16/05/2020 16:42

Please don’t get all excited about this man you aren’t even clear whether he feels the same way
Try to protect yourself even a little bit

Report
CardsforKittens · 16/05/2020 17:10

Sex with a friend: great. Or awkward but easily forgotten.

Sex with a friend you want to have a relationship with but who doesn’t want the same thing: emotional disaster. For months. And you’ll probably lose the friendship.

But almost nothing can persuade you not to do it. Hope he lives up to your sexual expectations!

Report
bunbunbun · 16/05/2020 20:56

You've used the title "sex with a friend" but in reality you want "a relationship with a friend" which is very different.

Sex with a friend can be fine. It can also spoil the friendship. A relationship with a friend can be fine. It can also spoil the friendship.

If you want a relationship with him then you need to establish if he actually is open to that or if he is after what your thread title describes "sex with with friend".

If he's a decent guy you'll be able to establish whether he is open to the potential for more than sex before you actually shag him.

If you can't have that conversation then he isn't as good a friend as you seem to think he is.

And based on your other thread he sounds like the type to speak in riddles to avoid an honest open conversation.

Unfortunately you sound like you'll indulge him and think that the more evasive he is the more complex he is.

Do you tend to over analyse things this much? It must be exhausting - you're both adults and you claim to care about each other. Just talk to him.

If you can't talk to him openly then don't be surprised if after you shag him, he clams up / avoids you. He will have given you fair warning that's his style!

Report
PeachPie30 · 16/05/2020 22:07

You’re right. I need to talk to him. I definitely don’t just want a shag. I want a relationship with him.

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.