I know this can be quite a controversial topic on here.
I've read a few similar threads lately and I am going through something similar, but this is my first post about it, however I have NC.
I caught DP using an adult porn website. It's not simple porn (I have no issue with that) but where you can talk to other women. Now, it is completely free like an adult website, he's never paid etc. and it's a bit like sexting as well as talking about your relationship. People admit if they're married etc.
DP has used it on and off through about half of our relationship whenever times were tough or I suppose when he felt like it.
When I caught him he became completely clean. He told me more than I would have ever found out to help me process and a weird part of me feels better.
Whilst the sexting and the deceitful behaviour makes it cheating, the fact it never crossed into real life makes me feel somewhat better. He could have easily cheated in real life and is a young attractive man, but he even said he felt like he was less guilty and didn't have to let it play on his conscience as much because it was online under a fake name, a fake description.
A small part of me feels it's like interactive porn. It's horrible and I am devastated, but I think I could forgive it.
He has always been transparent with his phone and I've never had any doubts of real life cheating, but I have always had my suspicions with something on the internet.
DP's approach does seem new, he does seem genuine, but I am just wondering how to proceed.
I don't feel that devastated anymore, I feel hurt and anxious some of the time, but I am not as angry or feeling as betrayed as I'd expect. I somewhat understand the escapism aspect.
So I suppose I wonder if there is a chance to move on and get over it? I think I could if he never did it again but how do I know he wouldn't? If times get tough or something bad happens, he could fall into the same behaviour.
He's agreed to counselling.
Any advice from people who have been through something similar?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How to know he won't cheat again?
kirstie91 · 15/05/2020 11:16
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