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Anyone going through a separation ?

(7 Posts)
GLR19832011 Fri 15-May-20 08:11:30

And still in the same home ?
How are you coping ?

OP’s posts: |
763freedom Fri 15-May-20 08:37:06

Yes currently going through a separation - 1.5years in. No we don't live together & I don't think I could cope with that as he would want to rehash everything constantly - I left as he he wouldn't. We are managing to co-parent successfully which is all that matters really.

Sunshineandflipflops Fri 15-May-20 09:01:03

I am separated but have been for over 2 years now. No, we didn't love together once separated as he had affair and I threw him out.

We are amicable, even friendly now but it's taken a lot of mental work from me to get there.

Isitreally77 Fri 15-May-20 09:40:22

We lived together for a year after we separated and it was hell, there were some good days but mostly they were miserable with him sat in his room playing xbox and me sat downstairs watching tv. Two years on and separate homes and we are best friends. I would not do it again though, we only did it as we were trying to sell the house and neither of us could afford to pay the mortgage and rent somewhere else.

Shesheadingonin Fri 15-May-20 09:46:22

Yes, I’ve been separated for almost a year and still living together. All very amicable (down to me) as I don’t want my children dealing with an uncomfortable environment particularly as being in lockdown is hard enough. I cook all meals, wash clothes & dishes, do housework and work from home part time. He pays majority of bills, pays for most of the food shopping, does the weekly household ironing and works daily from home. So it’s the same as it was before.

We are pleasant with one another, it’s like living with a flat mate (not friend as we broke up due to his betrayal). Before lockdown, there was an attempt on violence towards me in front of the kids which I will never forgive him for. I had him arrested but since then, he has been calm. I don’t trust him, never will again.

I’ve had friends say they think we might get back together during lockdown but the love has gone for him, I love myself far more than to ‘make do’ and quite honestly, I’d rather be alone and find out who I really am. We were together for 20 years, married for 16. The only difficulty I have found is hearing calls to other women and have seen pictures of him with other women that was taken before lockdown. As much as it made me feel uncomfortable, not enough to make me upset or angry as my feelings have evolved so I’ve been going on as usual.

I also have a ‘friends with benefits’ situation with a single friend (knew him as a child, hadn’t been in touch with him for 30 years and it’s a different level of openness, honesty and trust that I have had with anybody) but not seen him for two months. We speak most days on the phone, that keeps me going and is enough for me.

I can’t wait to leave this house, it is not like home anymore. I’m so looking forward to starting a new life with my children.

JungleJane11 Fri 15-May-20 13:44:10

I am. We have two very young children and it's going to be tough. Lockdown and being stuck in the same house all the time does not help things, but I've started to live independently from him day to day as best I can. I am no longer cleaning up after him or doing his washing, for a start. We are amicable and try to be as normal as possible in front of our 3yo, but I think she still spots something is off, which breaks my heart. Our younger DC is only a baby, so the whole situation is sad but it is 100% the right decision for us.
And most importantly it is the right one for our children, who are my biggest concern. As I read on another thread, it is better to be from a broken home than to be living in one.

kgal3542 Fri 15-May-20 14:21:40

@GLR19832011 I would like to seperate, but right now it's a situation of put up & shut up due to money, I need to save for a deposit & 1st month rent of a flat, ideally I'd like my own car too. Am due to receive a small workplace pension Oct 2021, so hoping after he keeps shouting at me, often in front of others, and am sick of him and his behaviour. I have no intention of leaving this house, which we own as tenants in common, (60 - 40 to him) until we have exchanged contracts, therefore looks as though we will have to live in same house until house is sold. Dreading this situation, but atm dread coming home to a man who loses his temper so often (no violence) & has rowed with ALL our neighbours re parking.
What is your situation, OP? Can you share with us?
isitreally77 Well done for staying friends, right now I hate my "housemate."
Shesheadingonin Well said, & best wishes for your future.

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