My partner of 4 years recently moved 400 miles away for a new job. Very ‘niche’ field, fantastic job that will massively further his career. I completely understand why he took the job but there’s no way I can follow him for the foreseeable due to family commitments. We are looking at long term long distance which so far, seems to be working out fairly well.
My biggest issue is that I have realised I have some pretty bad jealousy issues when it comes to other woman. They’ve surfaced slightly before as my partner’s job had always meant he works closely with other woman, lots of female clients plus he had mainly female friends, very few male friends (mainly exes actually). It was never a massive issue as I actually knew most of them due to working in the same field.
However, now he has moved and had started his new job, I am completely overcome with irrational trust issues and jealousy regarding his new female colleagues. He gets on extremely well with them, especially one in particular who massively looks up to him and regularly contacts him out with working hours. Mainly relating to work issues as far as I am aware but I do think the lines are blurred as she will contact him about non urgent things at 10 pm on a weekend, for example. He obviously really likes her as a person and professionally. I didn’t think this would bother me that much but I’ve started to realise that when lockdown is over it’s likely that they will have a friendship outside of work.
This massively bothers me and it bothers me even more that I would let this bother me! He has never cheated on me as far as I am aware but I would say he can be overly friendly/flirty in general with women. Plus the lack of commitment in our relationship does make me feel a bit insecure. He did have an affair in a past relationship which is pretty close to the situation we are in now. He moved away for work and started sleeping with one of his female colleagues whilst his girlfriend thought she was a friend. He is adamant he would never do that again.
I feel utterly pathetic and ridiculous being jealous of a girl who I have never met. Has anyone ever managed to resolve these kind of trust/jealousy issues without ending the relationship or does anyone have any advice? I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I don’t want to be that kind of woman.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Female friends/jealousy/trust issues
Wolfie11 · 14/05/2020 22:56
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