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Does marriage counselling work and is it worth it

(6 Posts)
Diabetes123 Thu 14-May-20 19:41:25

So I left the family home just over a week ago as I had been very unhappy for a long time.

We are talking and he wants me to go through marriage counselling to see if we could work things out as he still loves me and wants me back and we have two DD (19 and 16). The truth is my heart is just not in it and Im worried that there is just too much to change. What I mean by that is he would need to change his whole personality for me to be happy and that's not fair. Or could he change now that hes aware of how unhappy his behaviour makes me?

Ive told him to just give me some time to think about things because at the minute my heart just isn't in it but his impatient streak came out as it does and he likes to be in control of everything and because hes not he cant handle it. This is one of the reasons I walked out.

Anybody been in a similar situation?

Any advice greatly appreciated

OP’s posts: |
Stronger76 Thu 14-May-20 23:13:48

It worked for me in that in one single session I finally realised that there was absolutely no way I wanted to be married to him any more, to have to put up with his coersive abuse any more.

Livandme Fri 15-May-20 09:26:29

I had 2 sessions with a marriage counsellor.
As I made the appointment for the 3rd session, I thought I know I'm going to cancel this. My marriage is over what's the point.
I cancelled the appointment on my way home and never went back.
I didn't really learn anything from going, except that I got clarity it had to end.
H hadn't attended or asked me about it so as far as I was concerned it was his attitude all over and I wasn't carrying him any more.

SPP1 Fri 15-May-20 09:28:45

Similar situation, OP. He has moved out, I've agreed to couples counselling. My heart isn't in it. In the first session he launched into a list of all my failings and how I've done this, and done that. I was sitting there listening and knew right then that it was over.

As soon as we came off the video chat with the counsellor, he thought everything was back to normal, business as usual. He couldn't be more wrong.

We have 3 more sessions booked but I can't see them going ahead.

Diabetes123 Fri 15-May-20 20:44:01

Oh wow thanks.

The thing is fundamentally he is a good man with a good heart. But he has had this personality for 48 years.

I wonder whether counselling would just give us both clarity that we shouldn't be together and its healthier to be apart

OP’s posts: |
AllWashedOut Fri 15-May-20 20:54:19

There must have been a reason you got together with this guy in the first place? Of course, you may well be better apart, but at the moment you sound angry and needful of venting.

I get where you are!

DH and I went down that road recently and counseling made me realise I wanted to be heard in our relationship, that there were things I needed to say and do, things that needed addressing (past hurts), and stuff I wanted to address within me (childhood etc). At first, I was sure we were over, I'd lost all hope of a reconciliation, all respect and kindness towards DH. Things are thankfully very different now. We have a greater depth of understanding and, dare I say, it loving compassion?

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