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He walks off everytime I'm talking

(49 Posts)
Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 19:36:49

How would this make you feel?
OH when I'm talking to him, it could be about anything.. he walks off or starts doing other stuff and I have to follow him to finish tm conversation or if I whinge about it he says I can hear you.
But I think its rude and it makes me feel like he doesnt give a shit.

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NoMoreDickheads Wed 13-May-20 19:37:55

Yes that's rude and disrespectful.

Witchofzog Wed 13-May-20 19:40:32

Dp does this. We have argued about it so many times as he ensures he stays in the room when he has something to say. It's fucking rude! He says it's because I talk too much and he is busy doing things but he is still listening. He isn't most of the time and I am seriously considering ending my relationship over this.

Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 19:43:03

I've told him many times how it makes me feel unimportant and like nothing i have to say matters but he makes me feel like I'm being stupid.
I could be talking about anything even answering a question but hes clery the busiest man on the planet and has no time to listen

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Witchofzog Wed 13-May-20 19:49:42

I am sure we are with the same person op. The thing is that if you have told him how it makes you feel, and he continues to do it, he is saying your feelings are less important than him being busy. I know we can't talk all the time but I have said to dp that if he says for example "Oh I just need to do this, and I will be with you" then providing he then seeks me out to have the conversation, then that is fine. But he doesnt. It's very rude and disrespectful. Is he there for you emotionally op?

Drogonssmile Wed 13-May-20 19:50:04

I don't think I could cope with that OP. I have a real bee in my bonnet about respect and manners and that would piss me off no end. Have you tried doing it back to him just to see if he noticed?

Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 19:58:57

@Witchofzog no he isnt there for me emotionally, I seek him out to talk to him about things, or on a evening if I need to then, when we're both sat on the sofa I talk to him about how I'm feeling (I've gone through depression in the past) I get one word answers or nothing at all.
I can ask him about how he feels or hows work etc and I still dont get much but then hes on the phone to his friends telling them about problems with work or something funny that happened etc.. he doesng share these things with me.

OP’s posts: |
Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 20:00:24

@Drogonssmile I'll try doing it back to him but I might be waiting a while..he doesnt notice I exist.
I've told him about all this before and I had wanted to split up but hes always says he doesnt want to and I'm the only one he wants to be with..dont know why as theres no connection what so ever ans surely if I feel it then he must too?

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Hettie25677 Wed 13-May-20 20:05:39

@Drogonssmile this is so sad and unpleasant of him shock
I feel sorry for you, as it's not good to feel like someone doesn't care what you are saying.

I don't want to be negative but does he definitely want to be with you?

I feel like if he properly cared about you, he would care about your feelings and what you had to say.

SandyY2K Wed 13-May-20 20:11:47

MY DH is quite the opposite of this. He can't multi task, so when I'm talking to him, he will usually pause the TV and give me full attention....I used to find it unnecessary, but in used to it now.

Walking away is annoying. I would just stop talking if he did that and as he continues to do it, despite you telling him you don't like it, then what's the point of being with him.

Witchofzog Wed 13-May-20 20:15:19

He sounds exactly like dp op. I learnt something on here a while ago which is worth googling. Some people don't have what is called an " Inner Monologue" which means they can be blank inside their heads, are less likely to reflect when situations haven't panned out and struggle to understand people's emotions. Dp fits this to a tee and your husband does too from what you have said on here. It doesn't make him a bad person but I fear you may be incompatible as you need more than this. Do you have children with him?

Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 20:17:20

We've had many other problems hence me wanting to split up but he will then pull out all the stops, buy me gifts and promise me everything will change and because we have dc I give in everytime but nothing changes.
He thinks he does nothing wrong.
I can make jokes etc and I never get a laugh out of him so I dont bother.
I'm a different person in front of my friends than I am with him, with him I've given up but it still hurts to feel like you dont exist

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FourDecades Wed 13-May-20 20:18:03

@Dondevastu it sounds like he has already checked out of your relationship emotionally, but just hasn't done it practically yet... for whatever reason...

Techway Wed 13-May-20 20:24:06

When did he start behaving like this?

What you describe is invalidating and that impacts you negatively over the long term.

Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 20:32:05

@Witchofzog I definitely have an inner monologue and when I've mentioned this to DP he couldn't relate at all so you're proabbly right.

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Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 20:32:22

Ffs probably

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Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 20:35:01

@Witchofzog how do you deal with it when your dp does it? Do you have more patience with him now you know he doesnt have an inner monologue?

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DuckbilledSplatterPuff Wed 13-May-20 20:38:41

A lot of men seem to be like this. But that doesn't make it alright. Its so depressing not to be able to talk to your partner in life. Would it help if you got someone professional to talk to about how you could try to reach him or to help you make decisions about what you want to do?

KatherineJaneway Wed 13-May-20 20:39:48

It would be a dealbreaker for me. His actions say you are unimportant and not worthy of his attention.

Mary1935 Wed 13-May-20 20:47:11

Poor you - it seems a soulless marriage. He’s rude.
Don’t talk to him.
When he talks walk away.
Your convenient for him.
He buys you gifts to shut you up and put you back in your place.
It’s a case of listen to what he says rather than what he does.
He walks away from you.
What happens if your on the sofa talking? Does he get up and move.
I feel you don’t matter to him. If you did he would respect for what you ask him to do for you.

Witchofzog Wed 13-May-20 20:57:03

Op oh gosh. It all depends. I have tried to be understanding but then sometimes I just think "Stop being so effing rude. You know how I feel when you do this" and then it leads to arguments where I have ended up yelling at him out of sheer frustration. But then I get accused of being out of control and "a nutter" so it's not a good situation at all. Deep down I know it isn't right as do you I think. It's so soul destroying and life shouldn't be like this

Dondevastu Wed 13-May-20 21:29:08

@witchofzog that's exactly what happens here, I shout out of frustration then I'm told I've gone over the top and I'm the bad guy in the situation.

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Witchofzog Wed 13-May-20 21:58:46

That's the thing. In their eyes we have flipped out over a minor thing. They don't get that it's the accumulation of all the times they have done this, even after we have explained how shit it is being on the receiving end of it. It turns the most sane person into a raving lunatic and it's just not healthy

TheNationalToastBoard Wed 13-May-20 22:03:53

I had an ex like this. He was abusive, very abusive, the difference is that he wouldn't say anything, or expect me to continue as he walked away.

Yours might just be a bit of a dickhead but I'd scrutinise how he behaves in every aspect of your relationship. And if he thinks you talk too much, then maybe he's not good enough for you.

searchaway Wed 13-May-20 22:06:17

It’s rude and he’s minimising you. It’s disrespectful. I’m guessing he didn’t act like this at the beginning of your relationship or you wouldn’t have married him! I don’t blame you for wanting to find a partner who actually wants to give you some attention. I’d leave now before you get any older. Imagine being retired and living with this guy! How lonely and boring. You’ll life will be crap! What’s the point? At some point your kids will leave home and you’ll be too old to find somebody else by that point surely? Go while still young enough to recover.

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