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Anyone living apart from their partners struggling?

(8 Posts)
LockdownLoopy Wed 13-May-20 19:16:20

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year now, we're long distance as I'm down south and he's up north. We were seeing each other every 2 weeks for a long weekend plus at other times too when we could. It might sound silly to say but he's the absolute love of my life.

We haven't seen each other for 8 weeks, obviously because of lockdown, and I'm finding I'm now really really struggling with this. We speak every night and watch stuff together, we also text a lot, but I'm finding it increasingly more difficult as time goes on, I miss him very much, but I feel so disconnected and sad without any physical contact, we're both tactile people and i miss cuddles and kisses and spending physical time with him. I also worry this time apart will become so normal that we'll stop missing each other, and wonder what another 8 weeks apart will bring for us a couple.

There isn't really anything anyone can do or say but I was wondering if anyone else is feeling similar?

OP’s posts: |
WitchSerafina Wed 13-May-20 23:03:22

Yes, I can certainly relate to this. I feel so disconnected and sad. I think it’s been really difficult keeping a relationship going under these circumstances. For me too, so much is communicated through touch and in those moments when we are physically close to each other. I miss that terribly. I really weirdly feel this urge to sabotage the relationship and just break it because I find it so difficult, like my brain is trying to do some strange kind of pre-emptive strike because it just can’t make sense of what’s going on.

VivaVegas Wed 13-May-20 23:38:32

Yes and I'm long distance too so not sure how we can see each other. Can't just meet outside for a walk or anything and I too worry the relationship won't last.
I've been reading the other threads on this and it seems it's a scenario not really considered.
I'm wfh, I have DC with me, he lives alone is currently furloughed. Other than the occasional food shop neither of us come into contact with anyone so the risk is so low/non existent.
Annoyingly stbeh moved his gf in with him just before lockdown, they're both still working so there is more risk to me (and the DC) from them with the DC going between our houses. Doesn't seem right.

LockdownLoopy Thu 14-May-20 00:53:08

@WitchSerafina sounds like you and I are having pretty similar worries and feelings right now, I have been thinking about sabotaging too, but that's really a protecting myself thing, the less lovey dovey stuff we give each other the less hurtful it is that we can't have it, IYSWIM?

@VivaVegas I can totally sympathise, being long distance is very hard, like you say, we can't just meet up for a socially distanced walk or isolate and then spend the night. And you're right a lot of it seems off balance and unfair, like your stbeh and his gf, which is obviously a risk in itself.

OP’s posts: |
JH88 Sat 16-May-20 13:46:32

I'm struggling with this too, my bloke still lives with his ex and up until a month ago was still seeing eachother daily as we work together. Since I was furloughed we've not seen eachother, we still text and video call and are very much in love.
But, hes living with his ex and thats been playing on my mind a bit.

Wish this would just bugger off so we could get our own place. We had it all planned before the pandemic hit. Now its all put on hold. But yeah, I'm struggling with it, I miss him like mad!

Brunomarsbars Sat 16-May-20 16:19:53

Hi OP - I can definitely relate. Also in a LDR and my relationship feels all but over. I was struggling so much with the angst of trying to keep communicating when neither of us had much to say (there’s only so often you can speak about work / Lockdown right?)

We took a communication break and while it helped initially for my mental state, it feels like it’s almost sealed our fate. Neither of us quite want to sign the death warrant until lockdown is over as we’re aware we’re probably not seeing things clearly but it’s so tough.

I was going to suggest to my partner that we both drive and meet for a walk somewhere halfway. It’s fairly obvious to me that my partner wouldn’t be keen but could be something for you to consider? It’s a long way to travel but it may be worth it. Take a picnic and make an afternoon of it (socially distanced of course!)

Bramblebear92 Sat 16-May-20 21:03:48

I agree, it's awful OP. I'm the kind of person that gets a bee in my bonnet and can't get over it. The last conversation I had with my boyfriend I ended up getting really upset and genuinely considering the point of the relationship. We speak a lot still but he's never keen on me pestering him. Equally, whilst I could hang on another few months, beyond that I think it becomes difficult. I could potentially meet him halfway somewhere but would probably need to wait till public loos or some shops with loos are open!

To the government relationships don't matter, but I can seriously see a lot of otherwise good relationships crumbling over this. And I say this as someone who has done long-distance for years. At least there's something you can always aim towards.

Confusedbutheyho Sat 16-May-20 21:11:40

Not in the situation myself but a friend is who’s partner has a family member shielding so they can’t meet. Terrible strain but they do love each other.

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