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Sister's husband moving in with new girlfriend - introducing children?

(6 Posts)
Liloosmum Wed 13-May-20 09:36:52

My sister's husband of 6 years, been together 12, father to their children aged 4 and 1, told her in February that he wants to separate. He has dragged his heels about moving out and is now saying that at the end of lockdown he intends to rent a house with his new girlfriend. She also has an 8 year old son. He has known her for a number of years as they work together, but he swears that nothing had happened romantically between them before February 🤔....

He wants to discuss how he and my sister can share time with their children. She wants to have them as much as possible but knows that he does as well.

I think it is very early days for him to be introducing the children to a new partner. My sister has asked him how he sees things working with seeing the children as he will be living with his new girlfriend. Is it reasonable to say that initially he cannot have them overnight if the new girlfriend is going to be there?

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Wed 13-May-20 09:38:56

I don't see why he can't have them overnight provided he is able to ensure they have somewhere safe and comfortable to sleep.

But then I also don't see why she is accepting him remaining in the home til after lockdown. He needs to go now.

NamechangeOnceMore Wed 13-May-20 09:49:39

The family courts tend to say that parents can introduce whoever they want to during their own contact time. Your sister is entitled to negotiate about delaying introductions to the new partner, but if her ex isn't happy with her proposal he would be well within his rights to go to court and get a court order. If there are no genuine and serious safeguarding concerns about her, a court is unlikely to stop Dad introducing his partner.

If I were your sister I'd negotiate and aim to keep this away from court. Perhaps she could suggest a couple of daytime meetings with the new partner before an overnight stay, to get the kids used to her?

During lockdown the new partner won't have many options for spending time outside the home, so it's not like she can check into a hotel one night a fortnight to allow Dad to have contact without her there.

NamechangeOnceMore Wed 13-May-20 09:50:14

Sorry, I missed that you were talking about after lockdown, but the rest of my post still stands.

copycopypaste Wed 13-May-20 09:54:02

I'm afraid that your dsis doesn't have a lot of say as to when and how he introduces his dc to his new gf. As much as it seems unfair he has much right to see them and parent them as he sees fit as she does. The only thing she can do is express her opinions and hope he listens, if he doesn't then tough shit really. As much as your dsis must be hurting and it's a horrid situation he doesn't have to take her opinion into consideration.

Liloosmum Thu 14-May-20 08:43:18

Thank you everyone. I think she is going to ask him to take introductions as slowly as possible and see what affect is has on the children.

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