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Sarah1153 Wed 13-May-20 07:12:46

I've been with my partner 2.5 years and we had an amazing relationship until he got full custody of his daughter and she came to live with us in my home I share with my two older children. The issue is that I've been supportive and even had to have time off work to look after her so he could get her into playschool but now if I say anything about her that comes across in a negative way it starts an argument. My children have really struggled having his daughter around as they don't want to be playing with her all the time as there is a 5 year age gap between his daughter and my youngest. He used to be so attentive with her when he used to have her on a weekend and now all he does is sit her on an iPad with headphones in and he will watch TV and just lay on the sofa. I've suggested he teaches her to write her name etc but he says he will and doesn't. She's 3.5 and shouldn't be on an iPad all day surely. I just don't know what to do. Do I carry on and just hope the kids will tolerate eachother again or do I walk away? I appreciate it's lockdown but when I'm sitting down doing school work with my two it's so frustrating as he said he would do work with her.

OP’s posts: |
JoMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 14-May-20 10:39:36

Hi Sarah1153, we're going to move your thread over to our Relationships topic - hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along soon with some advice and support.

JoMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 14-May-20 13:09:03

And another bump, for luck.

Menora Thu 14-May-20 13:14:38

So is this his home too? Or just yours?
You can ask him to leave if he isn’t doing any parenting of his child and it’s making you all unhappy. The children all sound miserable. He sounds like he isn’t parenting this poor child either. I think some strong words are required

12345kbm Thu 14-May-20 14:04:30

OP your post is ringing alarm bells.

It's unusual for the father to get full custody. Do you know why?
Second, you haven't really known him that long, it's not your child so why are you taking time off work for his child? Would he do the same for yours do you think?
Thirdly, the reason I asked the first question is because he doesn't seem that interested in his child and sitting her down with an ipad all day is considered neglectful. She's not getting any interaction at all which will negatively affect her development. He's sitting around watching TV neglecting his child, I'm wondering how come he got full custody of a toddler.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 14-May-20 14:17:35

What does he contribute to the household?
Is he working and earning money?
Does he do his share of the chores, cooking, washing etc...?
Does he contribute fairly the household finances?
If you were to end it, does he have his own property?

I couldn't be doing with someone like this.
He's not a great father and is a terrible male role model to your own DC.
Want only the very best for you and your DC.

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