I was going to post this in parenting, but ironically, they can be like vultures in there.
My DH is parenting half-heartedly in lockdown.
I refuse to pick up the slack,but I'm facing the consequences. He is having to juggle work too, but is losing his focus doing both at the same time.
I'm also WFH (less than him) and I'm managing my time by having focused parenting time and focused work time. He has the support from me to do similar but doesn't.
I can't change his parenting style, but I've realised that the children are now needing more stimulation from us. Our eldest is constantly talking and wittering all day long, I've discovered that with a bit of focus, she can channel her chatty energy. On family walks however, he dawdles along in a daze whilst I stimulate our eldest child whilst pushing along our youngest (I don't mind pushing for fitness) but all DC1s questions are aimed at me because he doesn't engage.
Bedtime, we have been training DC2 to self-settle (supposedly). I walked passed her room tonight and he was sat cuddling her on a chair, on his phone because it's easier.
Meal times, he doesn't engage in family discussion- he shovels his food in at speed, staring out of the window.
I've told him I'm struggling with DC1s chatty, loud energy and he tells me I ought to do what he does and just "zone out."
This means he picks and chooses when he listens to her.
He has things on his mind around work, but doesn't discipline himself to set aside work time/homeschooling time/ toddler time. So he's always in another world.
Today, he was homeschooling DC1 for an hour whilst I painted with DC2 and he was barely engaging with her, afterwards, I looked at her work and it was scruffy and eligible. He could have picked this up earlier on before she completed the task.
I know there's a lot going on and we're all struggling but his half-hearted parenting is putting extra strain on me to stimulate, engage the children and get them in to bed at a reasonable time.
I don't want to be having to tell him "it's your turn to communicate with our child now,I've had enough" that would be ridiculous. I'd also like to dawdle along one of these days and actually look around, but he's busy doing it, so I'm the one playing eye-spy, spotting rainbow pictures and singing along instead.
If I don't keep them stimulated and engaged, I've found that life is harder and they seek our attention much more in misbehaving or arguing.
He's also not contributing any of the reward stickers to their charts. To make things worse, at times, he is competing with them for my attention! I have DC1 telling me about something she's seen on YouTube in minute detail, DC2 throwing food around and asking me to spoon feed him and DH trying to tell me that he's spotted the neighbours having new paving delivered! Now and then, I am having to take myself off to bed for half a day because I'm knackered!!
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Half-hearted parenting
16 replies
Naughtymummy101 · 12/05/2020 20:42
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