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Post natal relationship issues

(3 Posts)
Sportbilly Tue 12-May-20 15:12:04

I am a mid forties man who has been with my partner 3 years. We have a 10 month old son and we live with her 11 year old son from a previous relationship.

We moved to a new city almost at the same time as the birth of our baby, and it feels we are growing further apart by the day.

My partner says I do not show her enough affection (and I take her point) but she is such a critical person....The type who won't take a decision but then look back with hindsight and criticise decisions made.

She lived with her son on benefits before meeting me (no issue with that), and all her family tell her how her life has improved no end as she now lives in a nice house, and the family do not want for anything.

I accept that money doesn't compensate for what she feels may be emotionally missing, however, she seems to take all the good for granted and only focus on the bad.

I help her son with his homework, and treat him as my own boy, I work full time, do my share of the chores off my own back, take my share of night feeds and nappies etc....I am not perfect but suspect I do more than the average man around the house.

I worry that my partner is tired or depressed as in the week I work and she takes the kids and vice versa at weekends....We have no available support and get no real rest to speak of.

She hates our new city but when I say we can move again she says she does not want to move her boy again. Understandable but then when she is down she just repeats how much she hates the new city.....how is this helping.

I spent my life savings to buy our family home and she was involved in all the viewing, buying and decor choices, however, today it was the end of the world as we do not have enough space for all her clothes....as though buying an extra wardrobe is a world issue we cannot resolve.

I love her and want to make it work, however, I am being ground down by her constant criticism and focusing on the bad.

If I tell her I think she is depressed she thinks I am talking rubbish. Year one with a baby is hard enough, add in no support and a new city and it would strain any relations.

We got on so well and since the baby it feels like we are hanging on to save our relationship.

For me we have failed our son if we don't try harder to resolve this. How do I get my partner to start appreciating what we do have, and not focus that life is difficult due to a young baby?

OP’s posts: |
Fairycake2 Tue 12-May-20 18:14:47

I don't have any advice I'm afraid but just giving this a bump for you

littlerock7 Tue 12-May-20 21:47:51

Maybe she is dealing with post natal depression? Have you asked her how she’s feeling emotionally since the birth of your son? Plus moving to a new city is probably a big change for her along with having a new baby 10 years after her first, so she might be feeling lost. When I’m feeling low or depressed I tend to moan to/at my partner about trivial issues.

I think you need to have a sit down conversation with her about how she really feels and express how you are also feeling.

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