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Not sure if cheating

(8 Posts)
confuxzled Mon 11-May-20 15:52:54

Hi everyone,

Firstly I'm sorry this post is very disjointed and rambling, I'm quite emotional at the moment.

NC for this as kind of ashamed. Never thought I'd be posting something like this but here we go.

So, engaged to DP of roughly 3 years with a 5 month old. DP is a classic phone addict, but I know his passcode and he knows mine so never considered there to be anything sinister (we know each other's for convenience, not to prove anything).

Anyway, earlier I happened to catch a glance at his phone screen while unlocked and there was a picture of a half naked woman on there.
Just a side note - Dp has been adamant in the past that he doesn't watch porn etc. I would prefer he didn't but it wouldn't be a breaking up scenario. I prefer honesty if it came up. He chose to come across so strongly about the topic, not me.

However, years ago he admitted he had used cam sites and paid for them. I was quite appalled at that but he said he was too, it was a v long time ago and never while in a relationship. Said he preferred it to porn as he felt porn is impersonal and he was lonely.

I decided to look past it (we all have baggage right? I'm far from perfect myself) but it lingered slightly in the back of my mind as I find it very disrespectful.

During the relationship he's always seemed to be respectful towards women, not one of the 'lads', doesn't talk derogatory etc.

So anyway, I saw this picture and he immediately went on the defensive and said he didn't know what it was. I said well if you have nothing to hide then go on it and show me. He closed the window instead. So I said I know you've lied, otherwise why would you close it instead of showing me.

He's insisting it came up as a random suggestion on SM and now saying he did click on it when it came up but that's all and nothing else.

I feel betrayed, more because he lied to me than anything else. And I'm not sure if there's more to this or not.

I went into another room straight away in shock so any evidence for anything else will be long gone (he's tech savvy).

Not sure what to do, does anyone think that's all there is or there may be more? I'm worrying as at the moment we are stuck together. Usually I'd take a bit of time apart to get my head together.

Any thoughts welcome x

OP’s posts: |
MizMoonshine Mon 11-May-20 15:57:44

Get your snooping hat on and take a look.
He's already lied so he's not going to give you peace of mind. Grab his phone when he's sleeping. Look at his apps, messages and history. If everything has been cleared you have a red flag. If you find something you have proof. If you find that one opened window and nothing else, you're maybe over reacting.

Your hairs are raised, go with your gut and check it out.

confuxzled Mon 11-May-20 15:58:52

Thank you Miz,

I'll take a look later on when I can.

OP’s posts: |
Windmillwhirl Mon 11-May-20 16:04:23

I think he protest too much about not watching porn. It's pretty remarkable he has an aversion to free porn but has form for using paid webcams.

My gut feeling is he is full of crap and that picture you saw was evidence of something he has been up to that he knows you wouldn't approve of.

confuxzled Mon 11-May-20 16:19:23

Windmill - was hank you now I look at it like that I think you may be correct. It doesn't add up

OP’s posts: |
ilikepurple Mon 11-May-20 19:30:37

Make up some random thing next time you have sex like seeing her made you a bit horny and fantasise with him about her, see if he opens up about it when his dick is hard...if he knows you're turned on too he might share more as you'll lull him into a false sense of security. He might not hide it then and when it's out in the open you can discuss what you approve of or not?

Heartburn888 Mon 11-May-20 23:48:01

Very brazen for him to be viewing this content sat next to you, I must say!

confuxzled Tue 12-May-20 17:05:22

Looks like it was an accident, he had left his phone somewhere else and it was on the screen, but you never know.

OP’s posts: |

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