Hello, I don’t know if this is normal or just that I find it incredibly hard to end even shit relationships, but I ended things with my DP last night and now I don’t feel sure.
We’d been together two and a half years since my dd was one. She doesn’t have contact with her dad (His choice) so dp was the only father figure she’s ever known and they are so close. They really love each other and he is amazing with her.
We only moved in with him a few months ago - I let out my flat which I own and moved into his house which he owns.
He’s a good man, honest and principled and not the sort to ever lie or cheat (as much as you can ever know about someone of course) and he has done so much for us in practical/financial terms. For example he refuses to accept any money from me for anything, allowing me to pay off my credit card in really big chunks with my wages.
The main problem is his complete inability to handle stress and his bad temper. He flips out and has a huge go at me at times when I don’t really deserve it, due to him being stressed by other things. I believe he is suffering from depression and would benefit from treatment for that and also counselling for things in his past which I believe affect him now (severe bullying at school). He’s in his mid forties so I think if he was going to figure this out without help he would have done that by now, but he refuses to get help.
As I said, he is a kind person and is always thinking of things to make me and my dd happy but then he’ll flip at something and I feel like that undoes the good he does. He doesn’t see it that way and thinks I’m ungrateful for being unhappy with his moods and temper when he does so much for us.
I’m obviously not perfect but I can honestly say I don’t berate him the way he does me at times.
More minor things that I’m unhappy with are the fact that he is a very messy person so I spend a lot of time cleaning and tidying as he only does so occasionally. He is just happier with a higher level of mess than me, and that won’t change.
Sex is also not great and very infrequent. If everything else was good in the relationship that wouldn’t bother me as much though.
Yesterday I was feeling very down due to the covid situation, not being able to see my friends and family and not getting a proper break from childcare (like many of us, of course). I was withdrawn and probably obviously feeling shit but I didn’t inflict it on him directly in any way by being snappy or anything like that. He was being nice to me all day but then it seemed as though he got frustrated with my not seeming happy and just went crazy at me, shouting repeatedly that I had been ‘rude’ all day (I really hadn’t) and that I was a disgrace. That he had been trying to make me happy all day and it nothing he did was working (I’m detailing this because it’s quite typical and was also the final straw for me).
So I ended things and will be giving my tenants 2 months notice to leave (which I also feel terrible about but I have nowhere else to go, obviously can’t stay with my parents at the moment).
I’m not money-oriented but I was struggling a lot as a single parent before and he is quite financially comfortable so part of me is thinking that I’m crazy to go back to that if only for my DD’s sake. I also feel terrible about leaving the only dad she’s ever known.
I feel so mixed up. Do you think I’m doing the right thing? I so wish I could speak to someone in person right now
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I’ve ended my relationship, now doubting myself
Marbling · 11/05/2020 14:36
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