Is he cheating?

[Unknownn5]

My partner of 12 years and I have been very happy, we have our ups and downs but who doesn’t. However, he’s always on his phone, and this has become more apparent during lockdown, I mean constantly texting, he’s in lots of WhatsApp groups with his mates and work etc, but just from Picking his phone up now and again while cleaning or putting it on charge, I’ve noticed messages off a girls name on the lock screen, I obvs didn’t jump to any conclusions immediately, but I’ve asked who it is when his phone goes crazy with loads of messages and his answer is oh just a girl from work. Am I loosing my mind during lockdown? Or should I be concerned? I asked him who it was and he just said She’s a mate. But I swear, he spends more time texting her then he does talking to me. He’s forever on his phone, while I’m trying to keep the house running smoothly and homeschool 3 kids. I just don’t know if I’ve been over sensitive.

[Menora]

No you aren’t being over sensitive if he is spending more time talking to someone else on text than with you or helping you with the kids! Added to that it is a woman, I think you need to spell it out that he is spending far too much time on his phone and that it is inappropriate to spend as much time as he is on his phone to another woman, even if she is a ‘mate’. You could also ask to see the messages. I would actually sit down with him and get him to look at the screen time hours he is spending on his phone in a day and that might shock him. It’s also ok to tell him that it is making you feel uncomfortable

[Eachpeachtree]

He’s not necessarily cheating but he is doing something that you’re not comfortable with, so it’s ok to talk to him about it. I wouldn’t be happy with my partner doing this and I would ask him to stop or to show me the messages because I was feeling insecure about it. I’m pretty sure as soon as he knew I was worrying about it he’d reduce it a lot. Can you talk openly with your partner about it? I wouldn’t jump to the worst conclusion straight away, but see if you can have some open discussion.

[angelofmum]

My DH and I have an open phone policy where we can leave our phones around and are happy for either to use them. I never actually check his phone as the odd time I've had to use it there's never an issue. I wouldn't like DH messaging another woman that often so if he's got nothing to hide can he show you the messages?

[Opentooffers]

Depending on how soundly your DH sleeps - and a lot of men do, especially if they like a drink of an evening during lockdown- I'd be tempted to see if I could get one of his fingers to unlock his phone at night. He's acting suspiciously, so you have grounds to look, if he catches you out at the time, have it out with him as this will fester if you bury it anyway.

[MizMoonshine]

Ask to see his conversation with her.

[Skyla2005]

Ask to see his phone. If he won’t let you then his up to no good or you could say yours is out of charge and you need to make a call on his. If his cagey and follows you about his also up to no good