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Lockdown Stress!(5 Posts)
Ok I’m afte
Ok I’m after some advice, opinions, confirmation or reassurance! Basically I have been in a relationship for 4 years and my partner has 3 children from a relationship that ended 6 years ago.
She is now in another long term relationship and they remain good friends. Since the lockdown my mind has gone into complete overdrive and I have convinced myself he’s still in love with her. I cannot think of anything else. It is causing huge arguements between us. Neither her nor my partner are currently working so have a lot of time on their hands. They have started to FaceTime each other everyday for a few hours so that he can see the kids. I am finding myself analysing his every movement and word and trying to guess what he means by it. I feel like because he’s speaking to her more, his feelings are coming back. He has started to talk about her a lot more. He has also started being overly nice to me and I’m feeling like it’s guilt because he always does it after their FaceTime chat, he comes straight over to me and cuddles and kisses me. It’s like he’s chatting with her, feels a pang of love, feels guilty and then comes to kiss me. He isn’t usually tactile at all and it’s putting me on edge. When I brought my thoughts up with him he flew off the handle and didn’t speak to me for 3 days... is this because I have uncovered his true feelings? He said he was offended because he felt like I didn’t trust him. After this arguement, he conveniently pretended to forget her name which is ludicrous, because that’s never happened before. Can I have your opinions please because I am going out of my mind thank you!
Well I wouldn’t be happy with this. Sure he can FaceTime the kids but why does he need to be chatting for hours with her? I don’t blame you for feeling sidelined. You have been! Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with somebody who has this much baggage? How old are you? Have you got kids? If not, do you want them? Don’t you want somebody you can do all the firsts with? So you come first. Your kids come first. You do pregnancy for the first time together? He’s done all of that 3 times! It sounds like you’re really not happy and your gut is telling you this relationship isn’t right for you anymore. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel!
How about he's genuinely doing a good thing..she's in a new relationship. How wonderful they are working together for the children. Perhaps he is overly affectionate because he cares about you, wants to reassure you, and, obviously she is an ex wife for a reason..maybe he's affectionate with you because he's grateful for you. And he loves you..
Are you privy to the conversation...? Are you aware whats being discussed?
I'd do anything for my ex to be that involved and trust me, neither of us want to be back together...
Spending several hours in the company of an ex-partner does not, in my experience, rekindle feelings of love. In my case it just reminds me why the relationship broke down. I do spend time with my ex and the children (well, before lockdown) and it always reminds me that my current partner is kinder to me and more considerate. I’m pretty sure my ex feels the same way. We make an effort to get along for the sake of the children but he’s an ex for a reason.
So it could be the same for your DP - or not. Maybe he’s missing seeing his children in person and that’s why he’s more affectionate with you?
The thing about forgetting her name is a bit weird though. Also not speaking to you for three days - that’s not ok. Has he done that before?
I think you need to address your jealousy issues. If you were acting like this with me because I was speaking to my kids, as well as the ex admittedly, then I'd dump you
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