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Marriage disaster

(15 Posts)
Bayandwillow Sun 10-May-20 21:17:56

I’m totally new to this... so hope I’m doing it right?!
My husband and I have been having problems since our son was born 15 years ago. DH has always had awful rage issues. Had an affair 4 years ago and is having another one now. Blames me for how we educated and brought up our son and I am now questioning myself, but don’t think it’s me that has the problem...I’ve fought for us to stay together but it’s just getting worse. I have no idea what to do. Fed up with my friends saying I should get him to leave, but maybe they’re right? Need some real help...☹️

OP’s posts: |
12345kbm Sun 10-May-20 21:25:45

Your relationship is over. He's currently having an affair, so unless you're happy in an open relationship, I suggest you see a family law solicitor.

category12 Sun 10-May-20 21:27:45

Why have you fought to stay together with a man who cheats on you and has rages? What do you think it's teaching your ds, living like this?

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Sun 10-May-20 21:29:35

Why do you want to stay with a man who cheats on you and can't control his temper? Your son will grow up thinking that's an acceptable way to treat people. It's not.

Dery Sun 10-May-20 21:33:07

Yep - get him to leave. He sounds awful.

SandyY2K Sun 10-May-20 21:53:13

DH has always had awful rage issues.

Does he accept this? Has he sought help?
How does his rage manifest? Does your son see it?

Had an affair 4 years ago and is having another one now.

Was he remorseful for his first affair?

If he has a problem with fidelity, then it's time to rethink things. You either accept he will always cheat, file for a divorce or propose an open marriage....but why would you want to continue living with his rages?

I’ve fought for us to stay together Why?

This isn't the life you should be living? Why is it that you don't think you deserve better .

HeimdallSaysNo Sun 10-May-20 21:57:56

Your friends are right to be concerned. Also think about what your son is seeing...boys look up at their fathers and often copy behaviours. I think you have to chuck the husband out.

ConnieDoodle Sun 10-May-20 21:59:26

Why would you fight for him? He isnt a prize?

Bayandwillow Sun 10-May-20 22:05:16

It’s so complicated though- DS loves his dad and I always felt that it was better to try to stay together. Some people manage it.. he was faithful for 15 years and he’s so great in some ways. I guess I’ve got used to the situation but I don’t think I can stand the rows much longer - I’m worn out and just unhappy. And I’m not an unhappy person!

OP’s posts: |
Bayandwillow Sun 10-May-20 22:06:29

And no, he wasn’t remorseful for his first affair! He said she used him!!!

OP’s posts: |
Neveranynamesleft Sun 10-May-20 22:08:03

He was faithful for 15 years ?? O well, that makes everything ok then does it ?!!
Seriously, get a grip and stop making excuses for his attitude.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas Sun 10-May-20 22:11:24

DS can still love his dad if you were to separate. He could continue his relationship with his dad, while not having to watch his dad's awful treatment of his mum. That would be a great kindness to your DS.

GilbertMarkham Sun 10-May-20 22:17:57

he was faithful for 15 years and he’s so great in some ways.

This made me has drop and then made me laugh (not in a good way).

Do we measure theur greatness on how long the breaks are between them shagging other women while fkg married to us!

He took the same marriage vows as you, presumably stood in front of your family and friends saying you two were a monogamous couple ...

How long have you been faithful for? I'm guessing more than 15 yrs.

How would be be if you cheated - some women do, you know.
All accepting and forgiving and chilled?

As for your son, he had two parents, you aren't responsible on your own for anything.

PlanDeRaccordement Sun 10-May-20 22:18:33

The marriage is definitely over. You gave this man a wonderful DS and owe him nothing. Leave as soon as you can and live free.

GilbertMarkham Sun 10-May-20 22:18:35

*jaw drop

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