My husband and I have have been together for 10years very happily. We have 2 children, 27months and 13months. He is a trainee anaesthetist and in August 2019 he posted to a job about 100miles away for the year. I supported him in taking the rotation even though we knew it would be a stress for both of us. He would come home on his days off. It's been a really hard slog for me. And the hospital isn't that great and is needing a lot of input from him. Things at his work took a turn for the worse during this pandemic.
A few days ago I noticed his behaviour had changed and he was very secretive about his phone, basically never letting it out of his sight. This has never happened before so of course I was very suspicious but tried to ignore it. Last night I asked him outright if he was hiding something from me. He admitted straight away that he had developed a friendship with a colleague and they had been going for walks after work etc. He says it's purely platonic and never wants it to go further. But he was hiding this relationship from me and this deceit does not sit well with me. He let me see the texts, of which had very little content and he had deleted everything prior to Tuesday. He says he deleted previous messages because he had told me he didn't go for a walk one day but the messages suggest otherwise. He denies any physical intimacy. And I really do hope he's telling the truth.
He states he does not have intense feelings for her and he was hiding their relationship out of guilt as he didn't think he should be hanging out with another female. He has always been a big advocate of loyalty and is angry at himself for getting into this situation.
We've had a long chat about why, what's missing from our relationship etc. And what he will do with this friendship. And how we can improve our marriage.
Should I trust him? Is he telling the whole truth? Or in your experience is he already having a sexual affair?
Should I contact her and ask her about their relationship?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Friendship or affair?
MrsMason2014 · 09/05/2020 06:08
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