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I don't fancy my DH any more - how can I get those feelings back?

(5 Posts)
fancifullydone Fri 08-May-20 19:36:01

Been with DH for more than a decade, got two kids, nice house, get on reasonably well with each others families, have a good social circle......so all in all a pretty good life but after all these years I just don't really fancy him anymore sad

I'd resigned myself to this, but before the lockdown I made a real effort to get a babysitter (we'd never done this before and our oldest DC is 10!) and do out for dates. Those really helped, I didn't exactly start fancying him but it was important to go out and chat and have dinner as individuals and not as parents/housemates.

This has made me ridiculously envious of couples who are in the first stages of dating. I have a friend who has been with her BF for a year and even though I'm very happy for her, I can't help but feel jealous that I don't have the relationship she has, that newness, the falling in love phase.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you inject some 'passion' back into your marriage? Is it even possible to fancy someone again after feeling like this? And how do I stop turning green with envy, I hate feeling that way - social media doesn't help either with all the perfect lovey dovey couply photos people put up there.

OP’s posts: |
Shdh163737bsh Fri 08-May-20 20:07:02

Do you have lives of your own outside family and work, so that you've got something new to talk about together ?
Have you ever done exercise together ? Or something (zipwire?) that gets your heart rate up?
Have you planned what you would do if the other one died (which you should anyway) - but that can provide a different perspective...
Just throwing a few things out there.
I'm assuming you do still respect and care for each other, and perhaps are both tired and in a bit of a rut with little spare time for yourselves.

category12 Fri 08-May-20 21:09:53

When you say you don't fancy him any more, how far has that gone? Is it The Ick or just lack of interest?

Do you have a reason: has he changed physically, has he bad hygiene, do you resent him for something?

Do you feel sexy/horny at all, or is just not with him?

Aquamarine1029 Fri 08-May-20 21:16:13

social media doesn't help either with all the perfect lovey dovey couply photos people put up there.

If social media impacts you so much, get off it. As a grown woman, you should know it's all contrived bullshit. You really think these "perfect" couples show the reality of their lives?

SPP1 Fri 08-May-20 22:06:15

I'm in the same boat, OP. We're going to try a counselor but honestly, can't see the attraction coming back. I have the ick. It's not going anywhere!

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