Hi all, sorry if this is long but I just need to talk , please be kind to me as altho I come across as strong inside my heart is breaking.
I divorced 10 years ago, ( 2 children , now left home ) and then had a toxic and unhealthy relationship after that which lasted 5 yrs, I loved him at the time but knew it was toxic. I got over that and was on my own for a few years which I enjoyed.
I have my own house , good career and no money worries and I’ve worked really really hard to get in this position. I think I am kind , easygoing and hate confrontation.
3.5 years ago I met a lovely man, he was smitten with me , but I was cautious as he was recently separated. We dated at the weekends for the first year and then after much discussion he moved in. He was always saying ‘ will you marry me’ and telling me he loved me. I made it very clear from the start that if he was moving in I expected it to lead to marriage , otherwise I was quite happy to stay dating.
95 % has been great, he’s very loving and attentive , financially he contributes ( altho I know he’s been onto a good thing with me as my bills are low and I have no mortgage) and he has more disposable income now than ever.
However we had a huge row last night and this morning I asked him to leave. We argued about marriage as I bought it up and said I was fed up cos we have the conversation but it never goes anywhere. It’s not the first time we have argued about it and what happens is he deflects and turns it back onto me every time. Then agrees we will get married but months go by until we have the same conversation.
I told him I feel manipulated, I don’t want a live in partner, to be a quasi wife. I either want to be married or he move out. I don’t want to feel a nag, I took him at his word 2.5 years ago and now I just feel wretched and to be honest used.
He’s got to live in a lovely house , own bathroom, taken over garage , all for very little financial input. Although as I said we do get on great, in every respect a perfect fit.
When I reminded him about him always asking me to marry him in the first 2 yrs his response was ‘ well, all men do that!’
I guess I’m really annoyed as I don’t play games and I was very honest about my expectations and now I just feel played.
If a man wants to marry you he will ( he has been divorced 3 yrs.. so that’s not the problem) so I know asking him to move out is the right thing. I feel very upset as I love him and I know he loves me, just not enough to marry me. And I feel a bit petty, but I think why should he benefit from living cheaply in a lovely home with me , as far as he’s concerned we live like a married couple and he is committed to me and I should be happy with that. But I’m not, it makes me feel worthless. Should I be content with what we have now or am I right to want what we discussed previously. Am I going to regret splitting us up....
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Please encourage me to be strong
Takethelongwayhome · 07/05/2020 08:48
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