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Love bombing and dating

(13 Posts)
Sparkless Wed 06-May-20 20:33:13

Hi maybe I read too much because I’m very confused about the relationship advice that is out there. So please help.
I’ve been dating someone for 3 months it’s going really well, too well, he brings me lunch on my lunch break. He rings and texts daily. Makes an effort. No game playing and we have made future plans.
I read something about love bombing and now I have it in my head that this is too good to be true and maybe he is love bombing, I keep waiting for him to slip up though and he doesn’t. I keep looking for signs of controlling behaviour and nothing.
I just wondered what your thoughts are, am I just cynical is he just genuinely in love or is he going to turn into a nightmare.
How do you even know?
Thanks in advance

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12345kbm Wed 06-May-20 20:49:49

You'll know it's lovebombing when you feel 'swept off your feet'. They use grand romantic gestures that make you feel overwhelmed. They tell you they love you very early in the relationship and you will hear lots of proclamations like: 'No one understands you like I do.' 'I'll never hurt you.' They put you on a pedestal and treating you like 'a princess'.

Alongside lovebombing and this is a huge red flag, are comparisons of you with other women: 'I've never met a woman like you before.' 'You're not like all the rest.'

Public proclamations of love, expensive dates, a red rose every you get the picture?

The point of lovebombing is to sweep you along and not give you either time to think or time to get to know them properly. Expensive gifts pressurise you as there's an obligation to reciprocate in some way. At the very least, it's a sign of immaturity and poor boundaries.

Sparkless Wed 06-May-20 20:59:05

I’m finding hard to differentiate falling in love and love bombing.
There isn’t any expensive gifts, but if I need something he gets it e.g tin of paint. He buys me token things; like the chocolate I like.

There is proclamations of love, he says he reads me like a book and that he will never hurt me. He helps me when I need helping out.

He does treat me like a princess but he doesn’t compare me to other women.

I can’t say I e ever fallen in love and it been reciprocated so don’t what to expect, how intense is it supposed to be???

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12345kbm Wed 06-May-20 21:07:14

How long have you known him OP?

Sparkless Wed 06-May-20 21:14:49

3 months x

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Sparkless Wed 06-May-20 21:15:14

Actually it’s almost 4 months x

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Winter2019 Wed 06-May-20 21:15:33

I hear this term for a first time. Could he just be a really nice guy?! Obviously just watch out for any controlling behaviour

12345kbm Wed 06-May-20 21:16:58

So how can he be in love with you and read you like a book if you've only known him for three months? In three months you barely know someone's surname.

He is also contacting you a lot. It seems as though there's a lot of pressure on you and that's why you've asked the question.

It's nice that he wants to do things for you, that's normal in a relationship but you can't read someone like a book in three months.

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus Wed 06-May-20 21:17:00

Love bombing in my experience is really intense and smothering. As though they are trying to sweep you off your feet too quickly so you don’t have chance to change your mind..

Wanderlust21 Wed 06-May-20 21:19:41

I think love bombing often feels like a 'whilrlwind'. It feels like things are moving bit too fast, like they are pushing for certain levels of closeness too soon. Not necessarily sex or anything like that. But we all have certain boundaroes. And some that perhaps, become laxer as we get to know how close we stand to them, how much contact we have with them, touch ect. These things happen organically, over time. They dont feel forced or make you feel uncomfortable.

Always think to yourself 'if I didn't think he was, well, hot, would his behaviour feel a little too much...a little claustrophobic?'.

If you find yourself thinking eg: 'well I wouldn't normally touch someone's leg on the first date. But he is touching mine. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that. But maybe he is just a touchy feely person'. Maybe he is - but it still isnt ok. Because it's making you uncomfortable. So dont go along with it. Or be bumrushed into thinking you are the one with the problem for not being ok with it.

'Like a princess' to potentially a red flag. I'm not a princess. I want to be respected, not served. Just, listen to your gut.

Sparkless Wed 06-May-20 21:23:00

Thanks for your responses xx

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Sparkless Wed 06-May-20 21:23:20

It’s given me food for though x

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AnnaNimmity Wed 06-May-20 21:30:22

I think you need to trust your instinct OP. If it feels off, it probably is.

I agree, how can he read you like a book after 4 months? But maybe he is just very smitten. I'm also sceptical of anyone who says they're in love so quickly. You don't know anyone well enough at that stage. it would take 18 months ime to actually know someone. But who knows?

My experience of lovebombing was far more extreme - marriage proposals, really expensive gifts, talking of moving in together, wanting me to meet his kids, moving to a place near me (which actually was just creepy) holidays, children, moving continents etc all within 3 months! I laughed it off thinking he was just exuberant.

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