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Does it get any better ??

(10 Posts)
Mummyhelpplease Wed 06-May-20 10:43:32

I’ve been with my partner 15 months and he has a child with his previous partner. They’ve been going through court proceedings and they seem to be making progress. Obviously the mum hates me and has made things very complicated. I am apparently a threat and I am imposing (I’ve only met the kid maybe 5 times at an hour max) How long do women wait for it all to settle and are able to start to build a future with their partner and their child? Does it ever get better? Because at the moment I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel she just wants things back on track so she can control my partner again. I have forever been reasonable and reassuring. I don’t want to be the child’s new mum, they’ve already got one. I’m just here to support my partner and share his happiness and love for his child. This whole process has also made me very sick and anxious and I don’t know how I’ll get over it...

OP’s posts: |
Fidgety31 Wed 06-May-20 10:46:45

What is the reason the mum hates you ?

category12 Wed 06-May-20 10:49:05

Why are you so involved/having so much contact with her? There's really no need for you to be - I would step back from it.

If it's not contact from her but mostly him unloading on you, then it's okay to limit it, eg he gets a vent but it's not continual.

Mummyhelpplease Wed 06-May-20 10:51:36

Yeah it’s normally info he has passed onto me. It’s so hurtful. God knows why she hates me, I guess because she doesn’t like the thought of me with her child( which I totally understand) I have a child of my own. But I really am not threatening or damaging. They’ve got lots of issues between themselves and somehow I seem to be the cause of some of their problems?? They’re making progress court wise but now I feel like they’ll sort out their issues but I will still not allowed to be around and I’ve been made out to be such an awful person which I’m really not 😩

OP’s posts: |
Fidgety31 Wed 06-May-20 10:54:55

Does the mum actually hate you ? Has she told you this herself or is it just what your boyfriend tells you ?

Mummyhelpplease Wed 06-May-20 10:57:28

No she’s told me to my face. She’s told me not to come to certain areas of town. Called me all types of names, said she’d smash my face in etc, told my child to their face that no one likes them and they’re too loud etc. I reported to the police and she totally turned it around and made me out to be the aggressor. I’m not sure how we’ll move past it. I’m more than happy to meet up and I believe she does owe me and apology as I actually haven’t done anything wrong? I’ve always been supportive and understanding but she just wants a war?

OP’s posts: |
Fidgety31 Wed 06-May-20 11:05:20

In that case I think you’re best to keep your distance and don’t get involved .
She is clearly not ready to accept her ex is in another relationship and the more you try to make it all right the more she will push against that .

category12 Wed 06-May-20 11:07:18

You won't get an apology and I doubt meeting up would help.

Your boyfriend should leave you out of it, and he should stop offloading everything onto you, especially stuff she says about you. This is his Thing to manage.

Mummyhelpplease Wed 06-May-20 11:11:17

But do you think it will get better? Because at the moment I don’t see any room for improvement and obviously we want my partners child to come to our house but she’s not allowing that either. Seems like we’re stuck at the moment under her power...

OP’s posts: |
category12 Wed 06-May-20 11:23:20

Some people can keep up levels of antagonism for their entire lives.

At some point, the court proceedings will come to an end and decisions about access etc will be resolved then? So presumably he won't be held to ransom as much and will have the court ordered access to back him up?

I wouldn't count on her behaviour to stop, tho. Maybe if she gets another partner. But the chances are high that she will be kicking off in your lives for years to come.

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