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Day one of not being a mug ..can I do this?

(40 Posts)
onestepat Wed 06-May-20 09:58:50

He's an arsehole.
He's treated me like rubbish in the past and I still give him another chance etc
It's me chasing him all the time.
I'm done of being a pushover.
It's always me initiating conversations.
Haven't seen him in two months because of this corona business.
It's all on his terms,when he wants to chat we chat.
The last few days he hasn't gave me the lickings of a dog.
We were texting last night (I texted first ) and I was showing him some old pics of me and he looked at 5am this morning and didn't reply.
He disappears mid conversation a lot,feels like he skims my texts.
Last week he wasn't feeling well so was all over me (wanting a bit of sympathy )obviously I'm obliged.
Today I ain't texting him..stuff it.
Normally it gets to mid day and I cave and text
Can I do this ?

OP’s posts: |
RLEOM Wed 06-May-20 10:01:52

How long have you been together? It might be that he's just not into you. It sucks but it happens.

pickleface Wed 06-May-20 10:05:55

Jeez, so much energy spent on one useless shit of a man. You are worth so much more than this. Stay strong!

Babdoc Wed 06-May-20 10:06:02

OP, you need to stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself.
Why are you so needy, why do you accept such a shit partner, why don't you think you deserve better?
What was your childhood like - were you loved and valued, were your needs met, what sort of relationship did your parents have and model to you as normal?
Are you a codependent people pleaser, do you have low self esteem and poor boundaries?
It would help you to discuss all this with an online counsellor, or try reading around the subject.
Meanwhile, stop all contact with him. Block him and stay strong. Believe you deserve someone who loves you.

onestepat Wed 06-May-20 10:16:34

About 8 months now so not long but it has not been smooth sailing.
He has wandering eyes.
We aren't exactly "official"
I'm always like This with guys I like.
I think the more he's realised im a pushover the more he's trying to get away with taking the mick more.
I just want to get some sort of self esteem back and show him I'm not a mug.
I guess not running after him is a start if nothing else.

OP’s posts: |
onestepat Wed 06-May-20 10:17:06

I'm a massive people pleaser and I guess you could say a pushover

OP’s posts: |
bangheadhere40 Wed 06-May-20 10:18:45

How long were you together?

Shoxfordian Wed 06-May-20 10:19:04

Delete his number and block him

TheFaerieQueene Wed 06-May-20 10:19:36

Delete his number and move on. If you aren’t working atm put on some music and dance the dance of freedom. It’s a great dance.

bangheadhere40 Wed 06-May-20 10:20:17

Yes don't text him.

Hard when men like this take advantage of good natured people, says more about him than you though.

blueskys72 Wed 06-May-20 10:21:51

I heard yesterday that we put 90% of our energies into the shit dysfunctional relationships, and only 10% into the good ones. Time to turn those figures around ...

Wtaf are you getting out of this scenario?

onestepat Wed 06-May-20 10:26:04

The only thing I'm getting out of this is being miserable and a knot in my stomach daily.
It started off really promising and I cling on to every little bit of hope.

OP’s posts: |
willowmelangell Wed 06-May-20 10:29:40

Have you tried changing his phone name to "Do not text' or 'Stop being a mug'
Stay strong. I will be checking back to see how you are.

Aloe6 Wed 06-May-20 10:33:40

Block and delete his number. He’s draining you, and taking energy that could be going into another relationship that’s loving and fulfilling.

It’s a bit cliche but IME when a man is interested they will do the chasing and initiation.

Howyiz Wed 06-May-20 11:00:09

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

itmusthavebeencoffee Wed 06-May-20 11:23:42

What a waste of your time. Block, delete and forget his existence.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-May-20 11:59:59

obviously I'm obliged.
Obviously your ARE NOT!!!
The only thing you are obligated to do is to make your own life as happy and stress free and worthwhile as possible.
You are obligated only to YOURSELF!!
You have serious self-esteem issues and need to work on that quickly.
While you have time, do some reading.
Go on-line and look at the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid.
You do it on-line so do it quick!

Just re-read your opening post OP.
What would you say to a friend?
I'm assuming you are young with no children?

Block, ignore and delete.
Get the 'mug' tattoo removed from your forehead.
Start to think about what you want from your life!

@Howyiz - fuck off!
This is relationships not AIBU and we support here we don't name call people looking for some support!!!
Yes it's frustrating sometimes when the answer is so obvious to some of us.
But many people have had shite childhoods and terrible times as an adult. Some have MH issues. Some have no idea about boundaries and what makes a good relationship.
Some kindness is required, not name calling.

AgentJohnson Wed 06-May-20 12:20:05

You can’t expect him to be respectful of you and your time if you don’t respect yourself or your time, by always being available.

AgentJohnson Wed 06-May-20 12:22:44

There’s patient and then there’s being a pushover and the line between the two, isn’t a thin one.

Sodamncold Wed 06-May-20 12:24:09

He just sounds to me that he’s not really in to you

12345kbm Wed 06-May-20 12:24:09

OP if you finish this relationship, you're going to have another relationship almost exactly the same because the problem here isn't him, it's you.

Take a look at the Freedom Programme online, though I don't know if your problem is abuse so much as neediness. You're a massive people pleaser so, I can only guess, that you're constantly trying to smooth over arguments and sort things out, you apologise even when things aren't your fault and you let people walk all over you.

You need to stop getting into relationships because you're accepting any kind of behaviour in exchange for crumbs of affection. You're getting a kind of 'hit' when he contacts you because you're desperate for validation that you're loveable.

You need to do some work on yourself as your self esteem is low. You need to build up your confidence and work on your boundaries. I really suggest you have a think about doing counselling to work through all this. You can check BACP for counsellors.

AgentJohnson Wed 06-May-20 12:24:24

It’s been months!!!! The dynamic is set, which is more than enough time for you to accept that this is going nowhere.

madcatladyforever Wed 06-May-20 12:24:36

God just dump or ignore him. I'd never run after a man. They only respect you if you treat them like the dogs that they are.

madcatladyforever Wed 06-May-20 12:25:12

Don't you have any women friends to show your pics to because I can tell you men are not interested in that stuff.

Sodamncold Wed 06-May-20 12:25:39

You texted him some pics at 5am
At not even 10am you’re posting a thread complaining that he didn’t comment on them

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