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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Feeling stupid

31 replies

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:01

I've been in a fairly intense relationship with someone for about 3 years. Both separated/divorced. He was in a bit of a mess when we met. Leaned on me for support. He basically fed me every line in the tortured soul cliche handbook and now when he's put himself together he's fucked off with someone (in his words) more attractive. Luckily we have no children together or financial commitments but it hurts.

OP posts:

Report

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:02

Obviously I've blocked him in every format possible and I will never speak to him again.

OP posts:

FlowerArranger · 04/05/2020 23:05

This must be so hard. Unfortunately your experience is all too common.

Read Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood. I am sure you will find it useful.

Louise91417 · 04/05/2020 23:06

Well isnt he a delight! 3years is a long time out of your life to give to someone to be treated like this so of course its going to hurt bit your hurt wont last long. You will move on, meet someone that values you and he'l still be an insecure tosser

Cressless · 04/05/2020 23:10

Chin up, OP. Many of us have at some point fallen for the Tortured Type Who Needs Us To Succour Him. Which means, of course, that he then considers us a cross between his mother and Florence Nightingale, and buggers off when fixed with someone who hasn’t seen him having 48-hour crying jags.

Avoid being a rescuer, in romantic relationships and friendships. You are officially Useful and Unfun, and people hate being reminded of when they were at their lowest. Chalk it up to experience.

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:12

We were together at the start of lockdown but then he had his kids - so obviously after that we didn't want to mix households. Contact was reduced - he'd be online and ignore my messages. I sent him a selfie of something I was doing at the weekend (a hobby) and he "joked" that I was ugly. I was really hurt and from there he told me that he'd met someone more attractive on tinder. I feel fucking stupid.

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serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:14

Thanks everyone. It's taken all my self control not to send him an angry message today.

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Babooshkar · 04/05/2020 23:17

So sorry OP that is appalling behaviour, what an utter wanker!

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:23

I know that now he'll paint me as being as nasty as his ex wife and he'll be sending Miss Attractive the same sad songs and telling her the same tragic life stories as he told me.

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Elzabee · 04/05/2020 23:23

I wouldn't even waste my energy on him and totally cut him off.
Once, I sent angry messages to my ex as he was a psycho liar and used all values I had. Now I feel like an idiot because people like those guys never care.

noyoucannotcomein · 04/05/2020 23:23

What a horrific, shallow, piece of shit you are now rid of, OP!

So sorry he treated you like that.

I bet you're far from ugly. But he is undoubtedly beyond grotesque.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 04/05/2020 23:24

I'm so sorry OP. That is really terrible behaviour from him. I do agree with Cressless saying never be a rescuer. I tried that with my ex husband and it was doomed from the start.

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:27

A rescuer? I realise now that I was. He used me didn't he?

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serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:30

@elzabee - I'm realising that they don't. And that's the most hurtful thing.

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serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:33

@cressless that made me laugh a bit. Fuck him and his ironic band t-shirts!

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itaintthatdeeep · 04/05/2020 23:34

Why not tell him how you feel?... as long as you don't threaten him.
Everyone wants to be the bigger person and that's cool but sometimes you have to tell them how you feel.

Your as bad as the ex wife lol 😂 OK 👌🏼 maybe he's the reason she's so bad or is he just the victim.
Joking about being ugly is just nasty and no funny at all!

If I was you I would wish him all the luck in the world cause he's gonna need it.

And he will be back, maybe weeks or months but he will pop back at sometime to say hi. Because he's that type of arse.

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:35

@itaintthatdeep he knows how I feel. It wasn't a casual relationship.

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Elieza · 04/05/2020 23:35

He did use you OP. I had one of those. I got a phone all about a month later begging me to take him back as she wasnt as good as me and he hadn’t realised what he had when he had me and regretted dumping me.

Yeah right mate as if I’d take you back you loser!

So although it hurts just now he will probably realise that no matter how good this woman looks that it’s probably all fake anyway and in due course once her once styled hair has outgrown and is all roots, her fake nails have come off, her facial hair has grown back in as waxers aren’t working, her lashes have come off and he realises her beauty was all fake and she’s a using cow and he wants you back, by then it will be too late....
You’ll have the last laugh.

bluebell34567 · 04/05/2020 23:35

did he have such behaviour before?

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:37

Behaviour before - in the first say 2.5 years no not at all. And then over the past 6 months there were issues about him "deserving" freedom and attention.

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MsDogLady · 04/05/2020 23:39

How dare he treat you so cruelly after you gave him so much love, respect and support. What a loser.

Don’t feed his ego by responding. Read the Dumped By Text threads, where that OP kept her dignity by never replying.

serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:42

Do you know - I was doubting myself about all this and my blocking of him. Thank you all so much. If I get weak at all I will re read this thread. He's horrible. But yet I'm sad.

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serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:47

I've supported him through his divorce, navigating his way through friendships, a career change and mental health issues. I've had significant health issues ("you'll be fine") issues with elderly parents ("they'll be fine") and he hasn't cared at all. I'm embarrassed that I've been such an idiot. It's a scales fallen from the eyes moment.

OP posts:

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serialtester · 04/05/2020 23:49

If I hadn't have vented here I've had given him the satisfaction of an angry message.

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NoMoreDickheads · 04/05/2020 23:59

You're not wrong to block- great work. That's really nasty of him. Sounds like he was starting to act like a twat in general. You're well rid of him. Let your anger fuel even more determination not to put up with crappy behaviour from men again. xxx

Nearlyalmost50 · 05/05/2020 00:03

You sound lovely, he sounds a twat. Onwards and upwards OP.

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