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Has Mumsnet changed your attitude to sex (and/or men?)

(83 Posts)
NoMoreDickheads Mon 04-May-20 18:03:18

I might've got there anyway, or it could be just a phase, but I think that Mumsnet has made me realize how much men use women as objects and it has put me off casual sex with men as it seems as if they are disrespectful.

I know some people have good FWB experiences (mine was bad) or casual experiences, but I just don't feel like I would be into the thought that I was being used as a bouncy castle now. (I know women can be as into an encounter as men and stuff- just my feeling about their attitude at the moment.)

Has Musnet changed your attitude to sex or men in any way?
--
Oh and I think I will see through the various behaviours of men more- or at least, I hope so!

OP’s posts: |
Dialdownthedrama Mon 04-May-20 18:16:22

Nope. MN has some great advice and some shit. It hasn't made me view men differently at all.

RigaBalsam Mon 04-May-20 18:23:07

It's made me realise they aren't all after sex and lots have a very low sex drive.

LexMitior Mon 04-May-20 18:23:16

No. It was men who did that.

Btw, if you turn it around on men they do not like it either. Assuming you have a good time but do not bother to call them back, then this seems to make them annoyed or similarly dismissed.

I think the idea that all people can do casual sex is misplaced.

LightenUpSummer Mon 04-May-20 18:31:04

I feel exactly the same as you OP. From reading here and also in real life.

I'm so cynical now sad I see men using women as (often interchangable) sex and housework objects everywhere I look.

Am trying to convince myself I'll find a good egg, but if feels like a needle in a haystack situation. Egg in a haystack? grin

Luckily I'm fortunate to be able to support myself and the dc, and be happy, alone.

LightenUpSummer Mon 04-May-20 18:33:39

P.S. I don't mean interchangable between sex and housework, I mean they just replace the previous woman with the next, with seemingly no interest in her as an individual, beyond if she seems like no trouble and willing to look after the house.

No offence at all to those women, of which I tried to be one in my marriage.

LochJessMonster Mon 04-May-20 18:37:54

I actually have a bit more sympathy for men, seeing how they are immediately jumped on here. They literally can’t do anything right in the eyes of MN

Menora Mon 04-May-20 18:46:35

It’s made me view myself differently and my choices

PippaPegg Mon 04-May-20 18:50:26

It's made me resolve "confusion" or feeling victimised by past experiences especially casual sex or dating type experiences. It's made me realise I did nothing wrong and didn't deserve to be treated that way. I was just naive and had been brought up without proper boundaries so didn't know how to spot creepy behaviour or how to assert myself to get out of an unpleasant situation. I don't blame myself for any of that any more and I don't obsess over what I "did wrong". I think about it almost never now.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras Mon 04-May-20 18:51:12

I'm so confused op. You are saying you don't want to be looked at as an object, or a bouncy castle, but you are specifically talking about casual sex? Aren't people who want casual sex looking for just sex, like without all of the relationship stuff? Maybe I'm really misunderstanding you, but isn't casual sex about just sex?

MerryDeath Mon 04-May-20 18:51:10

i think MN has crystallised a lot of what i have observed. i am a bit of a man hater these days. but then i also lived through my twenties and saw some. shit.

Pelleas Mon 04-May-20 18:57:09

I think I have become more assertive since joining - less tolerant of crap - although it's hard to say how much of that is due to Mumsnet because I joined as I was heading towards my mid-40s which is an age when women typically start giving less of a fuck.

Youcanstay Mon 04-May-20 19:36:00

No, not really.
I found reddit, before MN , i lurked all reddit and the men really showed what they are.
So not much suprises on here.

NoMoreDickheads Mon 04-May-20 19:39:54

Luckily I'm fortunate to be able to support myself and the dc, and be happy, alone.

@LightenUpSummer Yep I don't feel the need for men at the moment. Happy Singleton. smile

It’s made me view myself differently and my choices

@Menora What sort of things?

@PippaPegg Absolutely. Are you with anyone now? I'm all psyched up to assert myself if/when I meet another one or if any are crap. grin I can't say I don't think about it- I don't blame myself but I get a little angry. Not in a bad way though- hopefully in a way that will motivate me not to put up with stuff again.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras Yes. I'm saying I've gone off the idea of it. I think there may be respectful ways to have/act after casual sex, but most men don't do it.

i think MN has crystallised a lot of what i have observed. i am a bit of a man hater these days. but then i also lived through my twenties and saw some shit.

@MerryDeath It's like the site has an ethos that makes sense of everyday experiences, and also helps us navigate them.

@Pelleas I'm 43 so I get what you mean. Some women are like it from a fairly young age, they won't put up with shit, or at least will tell men it's not ok when they act out of line. Maybe they have a different temperament or upbringing.

OP’s posts: |
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Mon 04-May-20 19:48:08

No, I don't think it has. They're still pains in the arse, as general rule. However, as a straight woman, they are my only option as far as attraction goes hmm

What MN has done is make me more aware of just how awesome and inspirational women are. And that is absolutely priceless blush

managedmis Mon 04-May-20 19:50:07

Yup. It's verified what I thought - the vast majority of men are utter scum, basically.

If they can treat women like shit, they will.

managedmis Mon 04-May-20 19:52:16

It's also made me ruthless in getting what I need out of men, especially at work. I can stroke your ego and make you think I might sleep with you to get what I want /need.

As far as I'm concerned it's a 2 way relationship, just using each other.

Women can and should exploit men in the way men exploit women.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Mon 04-May-20 20:02:04

Women can and should exploit men in the way men exploit women.

Wouldn't work for me, I'm afraid. I'm tough. I'm resilient. But I'm not ruthless. An eye for an eye leaves the world blind and all that jazz blush

Anyway, I'm not sure that them thinking that I might sleep with them would get me what I need grin

Yellowsubmarinedreams Mon 04-May-20 22:22:21

I'm late 20s and have been reading MN since my early twenties. I was already fairly cynical before but now I'm much worse grin.

It has made me very wary of marriage and having children because of how it can trap women. It has reinforced the message my DM had already hammered into me not to ever become financially dependent on a man or give up work. Its shocked me how many man use sex workers and porn and have affairs. The amount of women treated like domestic slaves is horrific on here. I was already fairly clued up on DV having worked in that area but MN has emphasised lots more how common it really is.

Hedgehog44 Mon 04-May-20 22:25:54

I feel sorry for quite a lot of them!!!

Heartburn888 Mon 04-May-20 22:30:41

I was thinking something similar to this the other day. Before mumsnet I never knew there was a name for gaslighting or love bombing. I always thought it was me that made almost every guy I chose to have a relationship with, act almost identical and I was destined for this type of partner.

Mumsnet has opened my eyes to a lot of things like realisation of abusive relationships and behaviours. Some mumsnetters are quite blunt at times and advice can be hard to swallow but sometimes it’s a good thing, right?

This place has given me the knowledge to identify abusive behaviours, given me strength and courage to leave an abusive relationship and also given me hope that I can meet someone else and things will be positively different. I feel like I have learned more about boundaries and that my feelings matter and that I matter.

Opentooffers Mon 04-May-20 22:47:50

I'd say that if the casual sex partner you are involved with is good at fulfilling the sometimes complex but rewarding physical requirements women have ie. is giving lots as well as recieving, then it would be less about objectification. But if he's a selfish lover, then yes, you are probably viewed as an object. That probably goes for any relationship though, not just casual, any man who doesn't put effort in, and makes it too much about their enjoyment, has issues around entitlement and objectification, and deserves binning :-)

StinkyWizzleteets Mon 04-May-20 22:50:45

Oh yeah. I loved men and sex but I came on mumsnet and decided to join a convent*. because the power of the internet n all that crap


*not really still love men and sex

BadApe Mon 04-May-20 22:53:06

Yup. It's verified what I thought - the vast majority of men are utter scum, basically.

You may be right but given the behaviours of women you see on here you could say exactly the same about women...

BadApe Mon 04-May-20 22:53:31

(First part of above post is quoting a PP)

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