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Life after leaving Domestically Abusive Husband

(7 Posts)

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livinginfreedom Mon 04-May-20 06:27:50

So where to start? I left my abusive husband in Jan this year, 2 weeks after I give birth.
The last incident is what prompted me to as he verbally and physically attacked me in the presence of our baby girl. There is currently a criminal court date 2 counts of assault coming up. He is extremely charming and conniving I fear that he will get away with it. I’m petrified of everything. I currently live in a women’s refuge, my contact comes to an end in June after which I’m to be housed. I have no idea where to apply for housing ideally I would like to be somewhere close to my family, it is important that I have a property close to public transport that is step free... I have no clue how likely is it if I request this if it will be considered.

His threats that he will kill me have set in so deep I’m petrified of living alone with a small child I stupidly registered my daughters name with his name on the certificate, I’m also scared with COVID-19 if anything happens to me he will take her. Additionally he is claiming I have mental health issues and that I am the violent one neither of which are true (I have never had a history of mental health issues and I do not have postnatal depression).

I want to Report him for psychological abuse but my concern is with legal aid criminal legal advice is not offered from what I know only family law advice.

The trouble that I am having is how to prove psychological abuse and how to prove physical abuse as the photographic evidence that I have of bruising he is claiming that it was digitally enhanced which most definitely was not. He is here on a 2 1/2 year spousal Visa that started last May I am scared he is going to change his Visa status from spousal Visa to parental Visa (he lied on his Visa application, this is something I found out after I left) I have reported his lies on the Visa application to UK immigration in writing however nothing has come of it.
Basically he has a number of arrests that he left off of his Visa application and somehow still got granted a Visa to the UK.

I would be very thankful if anybody has any advice on divorcing their narcissistic ex?
Also if anybody has any advice on housing and how I housing needs are decided and possible location is matched?
Additionally does anybody have any advice on how to report psychological abuse and suggest legal support surrounding that?
And finally is there an actual department I can call to have them look into the lies on his visa application?

Thank you in advance

OP’s posts: |
Mumtoaperfectbabyboy Mon 04-May-20 06:34:35

I'm sorry I don't have any advice regarding your questions. Good on you for leaving. I worry that you've put the court date and area you want to live, this could be outing for you, if I were you I'd message mumsnet and ask them to take those details out. I'm sure someone will be along shortly with advice about what you've asked.

Harakeke Mon 04-May-20 06:45:45

Bumping this thread for you, hopefully someone in the know will come and help. Just want to say well done on leaving him, all the very best for June. flowers

HebeMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 04-May-20 12:24:36

Hi there OP. We have just popped in and edited out a couple of details from your original post. We hope you don't mind; we were just concerned that you might be identifiable.

While we're here, we don't know if this is of any use, but we do have a page on domestic violence support.

We're sure you'll get lots of support and good advice here on the thread, too.

SliAnCroix Mon 04-May-20 12:31:51

That is dreadful. You have so much on your plate.

You left him with a 2 week old baby. That will speak volumes.
However, you're right, psychological abuse IS hard to prove. Focus on what is your right. You have the right to be protected from him and you don't want him to be able to come near you. Present your evidence and focus on your need for safety.

You have your proof and he may well pick it apart but stick to what you know is true. You are scared of him and you want the safety of knowing he can't hurt you.

Do you have a solicitor? If your x has a ''number of arrests'' what are they for? That is black and white and he can't talk his way out of that.

I'd say the judge will get the measure of him.

Well done on leaving an abusive man with such a tiny baby. You are a very strong woman and this is a very tough time ordinarily without this challenge as well.


You have the right to live a life without him in it

SliAnCroix Mon 04-May-20 12:36:16

when a narcissist uses DARVO in court

This might be helpful but hopefully your solicitor will get it.

12345kbm Mon 04-May-20 12:46:11

Hi OP I have some people for you to phone in order to get information on your questions.

Regarding building a case and evidence contact Rights of Women.

There is also information on how to build a case here.

For information and advice on the court process, including how to get support either through a McKenzie friend or witness support, contact Victim Support.

For advice on housing rights and processes, contact Shelter.

To report immigration fraud: Immigration Enforcement hotline
0300 123 7000 where you can make an anonymous report.

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