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What actually happens to narcs in the end

(28 Posts)
cyclemania Sun 03-May-20 17:34:51

I'm so tired and worn down by EXH bombarding with useless information daily. Sometimes more than once. Don't I know that he'll always drive in the future, I should let him read people, no need to ask him for proof about anything because he KNOWS KNOWS KNOWS. I'm about to lose my mind with it.

What do you think happens in the end, really? I have had to get the police involved as his messages have escalated to threats of physical violence (he has run me off the road before, even though I had a non molestation order) so I am scared.

I don't mean just him - what actually happens to narcs in the end?

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Notyourmumma Sun 03-May-20 17:36:49

Sadly they just move onto the next victim and the cycle of abuse starts again.

SeaEagleFeather Sun 03-May-20 18:23:02

Some of them have happy lives, except for the slight frustration that other people won't do exactly what they want them to do, when they really ought to.

Quite a lot get trapped in the increasingly unhappy prison of their minds.

A very, very, very few get old, get very lonely and begin to realise that they have driven everyone away. Not convinced they were medically diagnosable ones in the first place, more selfish self centred tosspots.

ellanwood Sun 03-May-20 18:25:48

Many continue well into old age, finding new gentle and impressionable people to leech on, bending their ears with self-pity stories about how awfully they are being treated by their exes or relatives (who have scaled back contact for self-protection.)

picklemewalnuts Sun 03-May-20 18:26:03

My narc is old and lonely- people pop in briefly and are fooled by the sweet little old lady act, but they don't stay long. She'd always disappointed in her family members' neglect of her because she's always put them herself first.

Toilenstripes Sun 03-May-20 18:28:05

They die alone without friends or family.

cyclemania Sun 03-May-20 19:11:19

Thanks for the replies. I agree about them getting lonelier - of course it's never because of their actions. My ex is a champion controller too - and that is some clusterfuck of a combination.

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user1635482648 Sun 03-May-20 19:13:06

Abusers get away with it and live happy consequence-free lives, because that's what our society allows.

cyclemania Sun 03-May-20 19:13:37

By the way, I did the freedom programme, and what really struck me was the chapter on how controllers don't get angry - because while you're doing everything to comply to their wishes, they've no need to be angry. I think that's what's worrying me, really. No I'm not complying, he is getting angry and his narc qualities are more prevalent

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Gobbycop Sun 03-May-20 20:20:58

They die.

cyclemania Sun 03-May-20 23:11:18

Gobbycop is that helpful

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Aussiebean Mon 04-May-20 08:38:05

Narcs are the masters of delusion.

At the end, no matter how obvious it is to everyone else that their life is miserable, in their minds, they are right.

They won’t wake up and realise how awful their behaviour is and apologise. It won’t happen.

They may lose interest in you. You may no longer be the best source of their narc supply so they will find someone better.

But that’s it. You maybe able to look at them objectively and thank the gods you aren’t living their life. By in their mind, life is grand.

Futurenostalgia Mon 04-May-20 09:09:44

I agree with aussibean there. They have no self-awareness at all and that doesn’t change with age. They are always right and will believe that till their dying day.

SeaEagleFeather Mon 04-May-20 09:47:27

yep, agreed. it only gets worse as the years go on.

Buggedandconfused Mon 04-May-20 09:48:02

They are truly unaware of what they are doing wrong, and everyone else is to blame. They may end up with someone else but it will not be a happy or healthy union, it’s impossible. Their need to control and suck the other person dry can’t bring happiness.

Windmillwhirl Mon 04-May-20 09:56:21

I imagine many are fine. They dont feel bad about what they do and there will always be other people they can manipulate to get what they want.

I think it's very naive to believe they all die lonely without friends. Given most of their friendships are superficial, it's hardly a big loss. Nor does everyone values friends as important in life.

WaterIsWide Mon 04-May-20 10:59:55

They won’t wake up and realise how awful their behaviour is and apologise. It won’t happen.

This^

But that’s it. You maybe able to look at them objectively and thank the gods you aren’t living their life. By in their mind, life is grand.

And this. Yep. I agree.

WaterIsWide Mon 04-May-20 11:04:20

I agree with aussibean there. They have no self-awareness at all and that doesn’t change with age. They are always right and will believe that till their dying day.

Yep. I believe this. At that point of understanding, I just mentally and emotionally walked away.

GoddessOfGettingThereInTheEnd Mon 04-May-20 11:09:10

I know we all love to believe that they get their come uppance in the end but if it comes, it comes slowly and it's not even satisfying because they never reflect and think ''oh my, look where my behaviour has led me!''. Nope, they will still, will absolute conviction (in my case) blame a woman who left them 14 years previously for everything that is wrong in their life!

I am surprised your x is still texting you with his opinions though. Do they require a response? Unless it has to do with the children, do not respond.

GoddessOfGettingThereInTheEnd Mon 04-May-20 11:12:46

I agree with others on this thread.

The only flies in their ointment so to speak are others' disobedience/lack of respect!

My x's life looks a lot better than mine. Bigger, nicer house, fancy car, qualifications, career, younger partners, no responsibilities, nice clothes and holidays.

But we all get one short life and he is not living his with any consciousness or awareness.

I have stopped caring what his life is like.

WaterIsWide Mon 04-May-20 11:50:47

The only flies in their ointment so to speak are others' disobedience/lack of respect!

Yep, nothing less than slavish devotion and continual praise whilst hanging on their every word is acceptable to them.

They are very eloquent when trotting out some bullshit or the other. But, I have learned, the truth (on the rare occasion it's spoken by them) is probably the couple of brief, muttered, barely audible sentences.

Buggedandconfused Mon 04-May-20 12:04:04

One thing that is gratifying however, is that no relationships they have in their lives have any real depth or connection. Certainly nothing enlightened or spiritual. They may be in new relationships but it’s only another ‘opportunity’ for them to leech. They never fall in love with the person, but what that person gives them. I just feel sorry for the next victim but am glad it’s no longer me.

NoMoreDickheads Mon 04-May-20 12:04:49

They live happily ever after.

rosiethehen Mon 04-May-20 12:05:52

They end up in care homes where they torment the care staff.

cyclemania Tue 05-May-20 03:11:07

Thanks for the replies. I guess it's mostly down to the lack of self awareness. I can see that that is the greatest victory

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