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Why would a person contradict everything you say?

(70 Posts)
Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 13:15:11

Like most families in lockdown we have a family whatsapp group so that we can chat to family that we can't see.
A family member on DHs side contradicts everything I say on there and I am fed up of it.
Today, I tested the theory by changing to her viewpoint on a trivial light-hearted matter. Originally, I'd said it was lovely, she had said it was corny, so I changed my viewpoint to hers to see.
She of course then decided it was lovely.
I want to keep contributing to the group for the sake of other family members but the responses I repeatedly get from this family member always contradict anything I say or share and it's getting me down.
Why is she doing this?
On the last family video chat, she blanked me like I wasn't even there. Is she feeling threatened?

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MrEzraGoldberg Sun 03-May-20 13:29:03

What is she like with other members of the group - does she behave the same with them?

What is/was the relationship like before lockdown, if you used to see each other face to face?

Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 13:38:13

It's just me.
She seems to agree with everything her husband, father and my DH say. Will disagree openly with her Mother at times, but only really contradicts me.
Face to face, she behaved similarly. Although sometimes was suddenly very warm, friendly and agreeable and then instantaneously distant and disagreeable.

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HollowTalk Sun 03-May-20 13:39:42

I would click on Reply where she'd said the opposite and quote her, saying "Just testing..."

HollowTalk Sun 03-May-20 13:40:09

This has to be a sister in law!

GreyishDays Sun 03-May-20 13:40:29

What does your DH think?

Is the WhatsApp group just his family, in which case do you get much from it? (I can’t imagine being in DH’s family chat, but I can see how it would be nice if you are all quite close.)

Getlostu Sun 03-May-20 13:41:21

Jealousy. Lack of self confidence. It’s classic. Puts you down to make herself feel better. Does she have any female friends at all?

BolloxtoGender Sun 03-May-20 13:42:20


CardsforKittens Sun 03-May-20 13:42:21

Different situation, but I had a work colleague who did this. It was quite tedious. It made me feel like crap until I decided it was her problem rather than mine and started ignoring it. Obviously there’s less emotional investment with a colleague than a family member, but I have to say I did feel better once I stopped trying to understand what was going on - because there was no point. I just didn’t respond when she contradicted me and after a while she stopped doing it, so we were pretty much ignoring each other. As far as I’m aware no one else even noticed.

fuckinghellthisshit Sun 03-May-20 13:44:58

What does you DH say about this person?

Getlostu Sun 03-May-20 13:44:59

If it was me, I’d carry on posting. Next time she contradicts, highlight her post and reply directly to it “miss contrary again eh? ;)” the winky face means you can get away with it as tongue in cheek. Then the next time you make a statement after it write “that’s my opinion but I’m betting Miss contrary thinks the opposite eh? ;)” winky face and miss contrary her constantly. Bare face her. If she says “what does that mean?” Just say “oh it’s ok. Only joking. We’ve just noticed that you always write the exact opposite to whatever I say so we’ve christened you Miss Contrary in our house. T Shirts on its way Miss Contrary ;)” rip the piss out of her. People like that can’t stand it

Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 13:47:00

@cardsforkittens it's interesting that nobody noticed. DH doesn't seem to be noticing either (or does) but then finds a reason/excuse for each contradiction rather than looking at the whole picture.

Today he said the contradiction was due to suddenly not wanting to offend by continuing to say it was "corny" which is utter rubbish as she wouldn't have said it in the first place.

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Pelleas Sun 03-May-20 13:48:39

I had a work colleague who did this. In the end, I just started saying 'Yes, actually you're right' - it was quite amusing watching him try and fail to continue contradicting me.

Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 13:52:50

The occasion that really upset me was when I needed to take our youngest DC to hospital last week after a fall. I was worried and she continued to belittle my worries on the group as I was chatting to other family members about what was happening as they wanted to obviously know.
There were constant "kids fall all the time" comments when clearly the issue wasn't him falling but the worry of taking him to a&e during the threat of covid. There was even a ridiculous gif of someone doing a "whatever, happens all the time" kind of face.

I kept ignoring the remarks and only speaking to other family members but she kept hammering in.

DHs perception was that she was trying to ease my concerns 🤔

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Aussiebean Sun 03-May-20 13:54:16

Has a value on men that is higher then women?

My mum has this.

emilybrontescorsett Sun 03-May-20 13:54:36

So she always agree with the men.
Personally I would stop reading the posts and tell your dh why but I’m a person who doesn’t bother with people I don’t like.

GoldenFlaps Sun 03-May-20 13:54:50

What Getlostu said.

emilybrontescorsett Sun 03-May-20 13:55:36

And I would come off the group and if she asks say because you are a twat to me, but I don’t care about offending in laws.

Grumpbum123 Sun 03-May-20 13:55:40

In the end it’s usually as they are insecure cunts

Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 13:56:21

Her husband cracks a lot of jokes and I've wondered if she's trying to be "cool"on the group infront of him. She makes a lot of cocky, light-hearted comments that she wouldn't usually say in everyday life. Her husband only joined the group since lockdown as he usually wouldn't bother with any form of social media.

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emilybrontescorsett Sun 03-May-20 13:57:56

Oh god I’d come off it and tell your husband she a cunt.
I have zero tolerance for this shit.

Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 13:59:11

She definitely has some sort of issue with valuing the opinions of men over women. She values her father much more than she values her mother (some reasons understandable). But her father is controlling.

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Truthpact Sun 03-May-20 13:59:50

I would start saying random, totally 100% she couldn't disagree with you things without looking like a complete twat. Then she'll have to agree or look like a moron. Either way you win. grin

Areallthenamestaken Sun 03-May-20 14:00:55

Could you wait for her to reply first then quote her response with a passive aggressive 'I agree'? She's got nowhere to go then.

Otherwise have it out with her - but I realise that's difficult to do.

She sounds like a twat.

Callmecatty Sun 03-May-20 14:02:40

I'd like to come off the group but still talk to other members of DHs family. They may ask why I'm not contributing to the group chat though. If I said something, it would open a massive can of worms, the whole family don't deal well with criticism.

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