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Wish I had stayed to have another DC(10 Posts)
Hi back story- have DS7 who is amazing. Co parent with exH who is hard work and he met someone two months after we separated who he nowhas a baby with. I find myself wishing i had now stayed to have another child with ex. I feel like I should have done it for my son. He has a baby to play with at his dads which is fine but i wish I had given him a sibling closer in age. I jusy didnt want to parent again with his dad who was very into a set structure to each day and it was the end of the world if dinner happened at 12.30 instead of 12 for example. I found him suffocating. Anyway- I would love another baby but clearly I am single and would need to do it with the right person. I am approaching 35- has anyone had any experience of these feelings? I miss being in a family unit but not my exH
I did exactly that. Had a baby, DH did various awful things all throughout my pregnancy. Knew it was never going to work so 2 years later had another baby. The second pregnancy was the worst experience of my life, he was awful to me. Just after he was born I found out he'd spent thousands on porn and was a coke addict, but I was an unemployed mum of 2. He refused to leave and I couldn't afford to go anywhere. He became abusive and violent. I escaped 9 months ago, my youngest is nearly 3. Being a mum of 2 is about a million times harder than being a mum of 1. Being a single mum of 2, who needed to go back to work after 5 years of not working, is really bloody hard work. Love both kids but having the second with a man who didn't give a shit was the worst mistake of my life. Get a sperm donor. Also, having 2 kids really isn't all it's cracked up to be so don't feel you're missing out on something
Honestly? The grass is always greener. Be happy you have a lovely child and try and move on. Children don't have to have siblings to have a nice life. I have two brothers and we don't speak as adults. My son will be an only. I don't feel I'm depriving him as he has a fab life!
Siblings are over rated, my children fight like cat and dog and don’t get on at all. Even my own siblings I don’t have much of a relationship with.
I feel like I should have done it for my son.
It would have been for you, not him.
Bringing another child into a toxic relationship knowingly would have been a shitty thing to do.
Do you think these feelings might not be a mixture of grief for the life you thought you were going to have and jealousy?
DS will be absolutely fine as an only. I used to constantly fight with my sibling growing up and although we get along as adults we are like chalk and cheese. Watching my DM’s constant dramas with her 2 siblings is also exhausting. They’re either best friends or worst enemies and it’s very wearing.
Actually I should have also said, I'm an only and love it, would hate siblings. So I'm not quite sure why I felt the need to provide my eldest with one.
Thanks all. I guess he isnt an only really. He does have a sibling now.... just not one I have provided which does make me feel really inadequate
Look, it's OK to have wanted two kids, and to be realising that, although this could still happen, it now means a big age gap, half siblings, blended families, etc. That's something you have to work through in your mind, that the future now has different possibilities.
But don't funnel all of this through what you think your existing child wants. You aren't depriving him of a sibling or failing him. But I know that sometimes it's easier to deal with difficult feelings if you pretend they are for someone elses sake. Be honest with yourself about your disappointment - you are allowed to feel the hell out of it and move on without having to justify it as "what is best for DS".
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