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Is this paedophile opinion a massive red flag?

(288 Posts)
Eternalconfusion Sun 03-May-20 01:07:44

Namechanged for this.
New boyfriend of 5 months or so. I have dc (1 girl 1 boy both primary aged) he doesn't. I've been in previous abusive relationships so boundaries a bit off.
A month ago we were away for weekend and he voiced a theory - that paedophiles weren't to blame as such for their tendencies. Likened it to how society used to view homosexuals etc. I was horrified, voiced my opinion then asked him to drop it. (I can give further info on the details if necessary)
Since then I consciously forgot about it, reasoned with myself that as he doesn't have kids he can't understand etc.
Today something triggered me, I lost the plot then asked him for some space. He's in a huff, doesn't get why this is still an issue weeks later.
Please can I have your thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
ScorpionQueen Sun 03-May-20 01:09:05

Huge red flag. He has told you who he is, you need to listen.
I'm sorry. flowers

SquirtleSquad Sun 03-May-20 01:09:49

That would be a huge NO for me. Makes me feel very uncomfortable even thinking about it. It would have pre-DC too. No no no.

BabyNamey Sun 03-May-20 01:10:27

I highly doubt that myself or most people would agree, but what are his opinions? Is he claiming pedophelia is a mental illness and they can't help themselves? I think you need to give a bit more info/context.

Eternalconfusion Sun 03-May-20 01:12:50

Yes, attraction/mental illness/can't be helped

OP’s posts: |
Eternalconfusion Sun 03-May-20 01:15:09

He has told you who he is, you need to listen
So, a paedophile apologist.
Help me be strong while I get rid of him 😭

OP’s posts: |
annacus Sun 03-May-20 01:15:26

Whether he has paedophile tendencies himself or not, I wouldn't want to be with someone who even voiced such opinions. It's early in the relationship - I'd be pulling out right about now.

makingmiracles Sun 03-May-20 01:15:40

Huge huge red flag

Why would he “sympathise” with peadiphiles if he wasn’t that way inclined??
Any other persons reaction about peadiphiles is horror, his reaction/opinion is so very not normal. Run for the hills.

Hope he doesn’t live with you, if he does I’d get him out ASAP
He may be entirely innocent, but I certainly wouldn’t take that chance with my kids after he’s said what he said.

inwood Sun 03-May-20 01:16:05

Do you really have to ask? Ffs.

JKScot4 Sun 03-May-20 01:16:26

So he thinks in years to come it’ll be acceptable?
No comparison to the acceptance of homosexuals; that’s two consenting parties.

SillyCow6 Sun 03-May-20 01:16:53

Well agree with him that it is an attraction that cannot be chosen or switched off. But I don't see it as similar to.homosexuality because it will never be legal because it involves raping minors.

Sadiesnakes Sun 03-May-20 01:18:24

I couldn't be with someone who thought like that. Even more so because you have children.

Likening homosexuality to paedophilia is a disgusting opinion imo and I would of broken up with him then and there.

BabyNamey Sun 03-May-20 01:19:17

Well in that case, I'm afraid that it's a huge red flag. Anyone who condones that behaviour seems a bit suspect...

Sorry @Eternalconfusion, but best to get out now.

Eternalconfusion Sun 03-May-20 01:19:42

Done. Sent a simple message ending it. No comparison to acceptance of homosexuality, I agree. Not a risk I'm willing to take.

OP’s posts: |
daddyby Sun 03-May-20 01:20:03

He's obviously fucked up in the head himself to have that view. Get rid of him op.

WellDoneBridge Sun 03-May-20 01:21:05



Sounds like he may have tendencies. sadshock

MyHeartBeatsInEights Sun 03-May-20 01:21:18

I don't think these feelings can be helped which is why they should be hung in all honesty (or kept away from the general public by being kept in a tiny cell for life) because they will never change. If he is not disgusted by these vile creatures then that is the problem.

WellDoneBridge Sun 03-May-20 01:21:37

What did you say to him?!

BeetrootRocks Sun 03-May-20 01:22:01

There is an argument which is fair that paedophiles are an overlap with child sexual abusers. For many child abusers it's about opportunity rather than innate sexual attraction. And that those who are sexually attracted to children should be able to access help.

OTOH the attempts to help (UK prisons example where it actually made them more likely to reoffend), and the fact that the men who advocate for it as an innate sexual orientation, seem often to be exposed as child abusers makes it a bit moot.

The fact he compared it to homosexuality is the red flag. Wanting sex with adults is different to wanting sex with children by any measure. And homosexuality has been legal for some years in the UK. So he's either homophobic or has sympathy with paedophiles and ? thinks it should be legal ???

Ditch him.

If he's just taking an unpopular view and playing devil's advocate then also ditch him as men like that are a tedious pita.

BigFatSoo Sun 03-May-20 01:22:20

Well... actually I don’t think paedophiles actually CHOOSE to be attracted to children so in that sense I can sort of see what he means. I don’t think anyone actively chooses do they? I don’t think I’d class that as apologism? Obviously however, if they CHOOSE to act on their urges that’s a different issue, totally within their control and indefensible.

Eternalconfusion Sun 03-May-20 01:22:40

Urgh it's giving me the creeps just thinking about it. Thank fuck I didn't introduce him to my dc.

OP’s posts: |
TudoBem Sun 03-May-20 01:22:50


What’s involved in getting rid of him? It’s only been five months, are you living together?

MyHeartBeatsInEights Sun 03-May-20 01:23:43

Sorry glad you've told him to disappear. Terrifies me as a mother.

SquirtleSquad Sun 03-May-20 01:25:11

Even thinking about it gives me the rage, it's like the NOMAPS and MAPS on Twitter angry

flipflopdreams Sun 03-May-20 01:25:17

F that OP! I would run a mile from anyone who has sympathy for peadophiles especially if you have young DC! In prison even prisoners with questionable morals have to be kept away from such people because of what they would do to them. They shouldn’t even be walking the earth in mind and most people’s view. You are being slapped in the face with the red flag here.

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