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Is there any way back once you’ve got the ick

(52 Posts)
Absolutelunacy Sat 02-May-20 22:37:25

Just that really.

I’m sure it’s lockdown compounding the situation but the ick has grown after months of lazy, childish and selfish behaviour.
Things are slowly starting to improve after I lost the plot but I can’t seem to get the feelings back

OP’s posts: |
qwertyuiop098 Sat 02-May-20 22:40:53

Not in my experience. What sort of behaviour?

user1481840227 Sat 02-May-20 22:42:06

It's say it's nearly completely impossible.

Dontsayyouloveme Sat 02-May-20 22:43:42

Not in my experience, have only got it a couple of times but yeah, once I got it, I had to end it pretty bloody quickly ! Sorry x

Doyoumind Sat 02-May-20 22:44:11

The feelings won't come back. Listen to your gut and move on.

Shodan Sat 02-May-20 22:44:13

Not in my experience either I'm afraid.

It usually just gets worse.

87Callista Sun 03-May-20 09:58:27

What kind of behaviour? It depends what he's doing but if it's anything like I'm imagining I would say the ick will stick.

My gf has been with her OH since they were teens. They're in their 30s now. He works in construction and is out of the house 6-6.30ish every day so they rarely spend this time together and guess what SHE'S BREAKING UP WITH HIM 😂 she got the Ick on a man she's been with for a donkeys because he's done nothing but act like a child (weeing on the toilet seat/ playing computer games all day/not washing up/wiping his booger on the wall)

You've not just got the ick you're on a forum discussing the ick and I may have read too much into it but that implies (to me) you are thinking of ending it because of the ick!

Listen life doesn't go on forever seek happiness and respect. A partner should be a partner not another chore. This is the 2020s not the 1940s.

Umberellaellaella Sun 03-May-20 10:18:28

Nope, I've only had it once we'd been together on and off 3 years and was just sick of him to be honest, I remember the minute I realised I definitely wanted out for good, he tried to hold my hand and kiss me and I just thought eurgghh your creeping me out and I ended it, I've never regretted ending it and it was a good 12 years ago now I think you know when enough is enough!

Raidblunner Sun 03-May-20 10:26:39

Time to close this book I'm afraid.
Once the rot sets in there's no turning back only more of the same in you continue. Learnt this lesson with a serial liar/cheater, should have listened to her ex husband and my gut instinct.

Passtherioja Sun 03-May-20 12:44:22

Oh wow-I thought it was just me!!! This thread has made me feel so much better!! What is it with men!!?

I wonder who would win the "you'll never guess what gross thing he did?" Competition?

Getlostu Sun 03-May-20 12:46:26

Nope. Once the ick is there then it’s game over

billy1966 Sun 03-May-20 12:52:07

Nope, .such is the total power of the Ick.

Once you have it, its all over.

It's visceral.

Listen to your gut.

Move on.

BingPot720 Sun 03-May-20 12:53:55

I couldn't get past it. Tried very very hard but it had set in. Now very happy with a non Ick-worthy man!

flipflopdreams Sun 03-May-20 13:28:11

Can I ask what the “ick” actually is?

anditgoeson Sun 03-May-20 13:42:54

I think I'm at the stage before the ick, if there is such a thing.

Everything he says annoys me and I dont agree with anything he does say. Past hurts seem to be creeping back in and the whole thing just doesnt seem worth it now.

I think its basically called falling out of love.

Brownyblonde Sun 03-May-20 13:44:28

Yeh I got it back. Not full on lust but good enough. Marriage is more than sex. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Splitsunrise Sun 03-May-20 13:50:34

@Brownyblonde this isn’t about sex.

Absolutelunacy Sun 03-May-20 13:55:48

@Brownyblonde it’s not about the sex, although we haven’t done that for ages due to his lack of interest and effort.

OP’s posts: |
Rebelwithallthecause Sun 03-May-20 13:59:24

I seem to get the ick each time I’m
Pregnant. Glad it passed

billy1966 Sun 03-May-20 21:46:11

The Ick is when you look at someone you were once so fond of, fancied, and thought highly of and suddenly it's GONE!

Everything about them repulses you...right down to their breathing.

All the little things that were so THEM are now so yuk...aka..you are soooooo done.

Scott72 Mon 04-May-20 00:51:42

Is the "ick" inevitable? You read about it here even with decent men. Perhaps with couples who have been together for a long time they've just come to an understanding physical intimacy is no longer in the picture.

Neednewwellies Mon 04-May-20 01:01:40

Yes once the ick arrives that’s it, sadly. I remember lying in bed thinking why can’t he just stop breathing. I realised then that we needed to call it a day. We’d been together for over 20yrs and have 3 children but I still couldn’t continue. We’re very good friends but we’d become like brother and sister and that’s no good. I think it’s the end without doubt.

RatonesAzucar Mon 04-May-20 06:29:17

There is no going back from the ick. The ick sticks. Soz

RatonesAzucar Mon 04-May-20 06:35:45

I had a BF years ago and he was perfect for me in every way. We had been dating a fair few months and it was going great and then one day he invited me back to his and on his bedroom floor was a pair of his jeans and Reg Grundys and ....ahhhhhhh there were so many skid marks in his gusset it was clear he was incapable of wiping his own arse!
I had double ick. Ick in the moment and then the proper full on ick. That was it. The whole feeling was gone. It was like it never existed. All the happy things that happened between us that meant so much felt mundane, boring, pedestrian.
I ended it. I was nice but it had to be done. He's married now. I hope they have a washing machine with a 90deg wash facility!

BrexpatInSwitzerland Mon 04-May-20 06:46:35

I really don't see how (pregnancy aside, that might just be hormones).

The ick killed my relationship with DD's father. We actually had a very amicable break-up and remain friends. I genuinely like him, he's a decent bloke, a decent dad and he's objectively speaking actually physically attractive.

But thanks to this whole lockdown and sharing responsibility for a child situation, we've been speaking a lot more often than we normally do. And it rears its ugly head even now. I've noticed it's ironically actually triggered when he says something nice or expresses worry about me. Anything that a spouse or partner might say sets it off. It's so visceral it actually makes me want to get off the phone with him as it feels as though even the sound of his voice in my ear is too much.

I'm perfectly fine when we speak about our daughter, music we like, work stuff, which shares to purchase or sell or whether getting a white car boils down to a long-term friendship with the carwash attendant.

It's been 3.5 years since we split up. He's married. Doesn't help. The ick overpowers it all.

Don't see how any relationship can survive this if even exes are not immune. Heavy duty brainwashing aside, maybe, but that's just horrific as a thought!

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